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Being discreet about SM : Swingers Discussion 44234101
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TOPIC: Being discreet about SM
Created by: wolfandpup
Original Starting post for this thread:
We know that our kinks are not everyone's cup of tea, and we don't expect it to be. We can play vanilla when we want, and most often when we play, it is with non-knky couples. However, we are finding too often that when we are open about (even some of the mildest)things we are into, potential friends are turned off even though we repeatedly say "But we really really don't expect *you* to..." Like we're going to pee on their puppy or something. How do you find a balance between being honest and open with less kinky people and not turning them off? It isn't like we raise the topic off the bat, but during conversation things tend to come up and then the proverbial cat is out of the bag. It's either that or lie, and we're not into that. We also don't want to be too discreet and miss the chance that maybe somewhere there is another similarly kinked couple just waiting for us ;-).

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I kind of look at it like starting a new Master slave relationship. It is better and more exciting to start slow and gently push the envelope now and then. There is so much trust involved in what we do in both ways, I think it is hard to throw it all in one mix. In swinging we are dealing with developing and maintaining trust with our partners and then trust with another couple who is also trusting each other. To introduce the deeper trust required for a healthy BDSM relationship is way to much to ask of a new couple relationship IMHO.

When we do run across a couple with an interest we do like to take it very slow and it usually involves them getting to watch one of our scenes without participating.

Round Rock TX
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whether you are in to bdsm is not the question, can you be truthful, after all they have a right to know and what to expect. just my thoughtbubububye

Kingston TN
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Sir and i have been very fortunate to date. We have met some truly open minded "vanilla" people in the swinging lifestyle. We are very upfront about our M/s relationship (kind of hard to hide my collar, lol) and usually bring who and what we are to the table on first meetings. A few have asked about my collar, and i always reply with pretty much the same answer...this is like a wedding ring for us, with all the commitments, loyalties, and trust a marriage has (even more so in many, many ways). By saying that it helps them better understand our relationship. We have been judged by a few, but then that is their problem, not ours. Those that truly want to get to know us are intrigued and will ask questions about our Lifestyle, which we answer honestly and openly. I do call Him Sir always, and Master alot of the time, depending upon where we are and who is around. I do light His cigarettes, fix His plate, kneel beside His chair while we watch t.v. or visit...but that is because i enjoy doing those things as much as He enjoys them. Our relationship..so we have been told is kind of like how it was back in the "old days". Not sure if it is or not, but we're happy *smile*

Magnolia AR
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I find it best to just ask. Have hit a few goldmines by doing that. The flip side is those that do run away is, did you really want to play with them anyway. The big surprise has always been, the husband saying the wife won't do something, and you already have found out she loved doing it 10 mins before.

Port Richey FL
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Thanks for the responses! We do try to be discreet adn low-key. We aren't really even looking for people with whom to enjoy SM activities: it would take a long time of getting to know others VERY well before we felt comfortable going there. Again, however, it would just be so nice to make friends with whom we could simply be ourselves and not feel obligated to pretend to squicks we don't have just to keep up 'appearences' (Maybe we just keeep meeting some of the most 'innocent people in our area. Hm...)

I did enjoy the "scary couple" story! Hopefully we don't have any stories out there LOL!

Farmington MO
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We are openly known as the "scary couple". We openly shared some experieinces at a first meet once (Sun and Excstacy dancing modern primative style). This was after him sharing some yuppie biker stories. We just thought we were getting to know each other better....lol He turned green and took off, almost in a rude manner, dragging his still very interested wife behind him.

2 weeks later we were at a party and heard the story of the couple that had met a "scary couple" and proceeeded to hear our stories, nicely told but second hand. We died laughing. Since then we have been known as the scary couple.

I guess the moral for us is be yourself, but take it slow, not everyone is ready for your reality.

Phoenix AZ
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WolfnPup, we have to say that our experience has been the opposite. While we don't broadcast all of our "kinks", we've met couples that for the same reason have been "underground" and who have been delighted to find that we too enjoy some of the things that others would not consider mainstream. Just recently we found another couple that we're meeting. All we can say is keep looking and don't get discouraged.

Center Valley PA
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We know that our kinks are not everyone's cup of tea, and we don't expect it to be. We can play vanilla when we want, and most often when we play, it is with non-knky couples. However, we are finding too often that when we are open about (even some of the mildest)things we are into, potential friends are turned off even though we repeatedly say "But we really really don't expect *you* to..." Like we're going to pee on their puppy or something. How do you find a balance between being honest and open with less kinky people and not turning them off? It isn't like we raise the topic off the bat, but during conversation things tend to come up and then the proverbial cat is out of the bag. It's either that or lie, and we're not into that. We also don't want to be too discreet and miss the chance that maybe somewhere there is another similarly kinked couple just waiting for us ;-).

Farmington MO
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TOPIC: Being discreet about SM