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BDSM for Beginners, Newbies and the Curious : Swingers Discussion 222925
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TOPIC: BDSM for Beginners, Newbies and the Curious
Created by: Jason685
Original Starting post for this thread:
It seems clear that there is a strong disconnect between swingers who don’t get bdsm and those that do have an interest. This thread is for those that have an interest. Newbies, beginners and the curious are welcome to explore kink and bdsm here.

The premise is that there are a fair number of swingers on this site who have an interest in, participate in or are curious about kinky lifestyles and bdsm. So I am starting this tread to address this growing interest. If you have no interest than maybe this tread is not for you, but all are welcome to participate.

I’ll be presenting some ideas and thoughts for discussion. Hopefully others with experience will want to contribute. Beginners and the curious are encourage to post questions, comments or suggestions that you have.

People who are new to kink, often have questions. There are many stereotypes of kink and many misconceptions. The kink community is far more diverse than most realize. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the idea of being kinky. Where does one begin? What is OK and not OK. What if I don’t like pain? What if I do like pain? The questions go on and on.

You notice I use the word kink rather than bdsm. Many people consider them synonyms. In my context kink is a much broader word that describes behaviors that include bdsm, swinging and many other types of sexual proclivities. So swinging and bdsm are subsets of kink.

So what is this kink thing? I have a working definition from a recent book entitled “Playing Well With Others – Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities”, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams. This serves as a good starting point.

“Kink is shorthand for: The great big world of sexual adventure, including, but not limited to, voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, fantasy role playing, cross-dressing, power exchange, swinging, leather identity, erotic restraint, consensual non monogamy, ‘naughty sex’, and BDSM between consenting adults. In short, the realm of sexuality perceived to be outside the mainstream.”

By this definition, you are all already kinky. If we can agree on this as a working definition then we can begin to explore the kinky lifestyle. There is no right or wrong kink between consenting adults. What you like to do amongst yourselves is your choice and no one elses. The process of discovery is yours, and it means that we each get to explore and decide what we like. Without guilt or judgment.

We will narrow the focus a lot to concentrate mostly on bdsm because that is my area of interest and expertise. Such as it is. How do you incorporate bdsm into your life? This is always the question for beginners. I hope this will be a useful forum to that end.

In my next post, I will cover a working definition of bdsm.

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FetLife can allow youto consider things youmight not have before or let you learn more about something you find appealing. It also can get you in touch with yourlocal community. That community is where one can find instruction on many things, including having a lasting realD/s relationship. I was at a C.A.P.E.R. (Consenting Adults in Power Exchange Relationships) meeting yesterday at the Woodshed in Orlando. The focus of the meeting was finding a livable level of D/s in your relationship.

I forget the poster's name but to the gentleman that prefers DaddyDom ways that was finding it difficult to get into the community. Join Fet, look in the events and go tothe munches in your area. Make personal connections with people and you will likely find them to be friendly. Now you aren't likely to just be invitedto a house party without people getting to know you at such munches or by conversing with people posting in groups on Fet.

Harmony FL
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<span style="color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:tahoma,verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:14px">In my original post I mentioned that we would explore kink, with bdsm as subset for focus. Fetish is also a subset of kink. Here again is my working definition:</span>

So what is this kink thing? I have a working definition from a recent book entitled “Playing Well With Others – Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities”, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams. This serves as a good starting point.

“Kink is shorthand for: The great big world of sexual adventure, including, but not limited to, voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, fantasy role playing, cross-dressing, power exchange, swinging, leather identity, erotic restraint, consensual non monogamy, ‘naughty sex’, and BDSM between consenting adults. In short, the realm of sexuality perceived to be outside the mainstream.”

By this definition, you are all already kinky. If we can agree on this as a working definition then we can begin to explore the kinky lifestyle. There is no right or wrong kink between consenting adults. What you like to do amongst yourselves is your choice and no one elses. The process of discovery is yours, and it means that we each get to explore and decide what we like. Without guilt or judgment.

Green Bay WI
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Kibbles,

That's exactly right, and at the same time one of the biggest problems of FetLife for BDSMers.

All fetishes aren't BDSM, and all of BDSM is not a fetish.

For someone starting out, FetLife offers lots of information on technique, but almost no big picture on how and why D/s relationships work.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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Fetlife is an interesting source of information on just about any of kink or fetish.

Mcallen TX
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I have invited you to our group and newsletter: BDSM + Swing = More Fun.

The newsletter is 12 issues geared for beginners. This will help you find resources.

The group may help you find other bdsm swingers in your area.

You can always send me questions at jason685.

Fetlife is a great place to meet others with a bdsm kink.

Green Bay WI
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What sources should I review for beginners in the BDSM lifestyle? We are 16 plus year swingers that are considering giving it a try. What websites should we be reading? Are there Doms on here that might be willing to teach? Terribly excited at the thought.......

Oak Hall VA
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One of the best ways to discover contemporary thinking on bdsm is to read some of the current literature. Here is a recent book that you may want to consider:

<h1 style="margin-left:0px; margin-right:0px">Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission.</h1>

If you have any inclination towards D/s, these books can help you realize that you are not alone and that many people enjoy D/s relationships. BDSM is no longer considered a pathology and recent studies have suggested that BDSM couples are generally happier than vanilla sex couples. That is what we have found in ourselves.

So don't be afraid to explore. Seek out your bliss and follow what works for you.

Green Bay WI
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I'm going to my first rope and suspension demonstration this weekend!! Super Excited!! Getting into the BDSM sceen has been much more difficult than the swinger sceen. I am on fetlife as well as SLS and have learned so much from peoples writtings and photos that are posted there;)

Chalfont PA
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IF you're looking for the "Daddy" dom/sub thing, have you tried fetlife? If you're sinply looking for fun with others without that exact dynamic, per se, then you will prolly meet some good people here. Most of us have, but as with anything, there's separating the wheat from the chaff.

Mcallen TX
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I found this thread to be both interesting and informative. I am what is often referred to asa "Daddy Dom". I have been a late comer to the lifestyle buthad a wonderfully fulfilling D/s relationship. Unfortunately she had to relocate and now as I seek a new partner I find it difficult to be admitted into social gatherings inbothSwinger sndKink communities as a single male.

I understand the protective nature of the groups but does anyone have advic for re-entry as a single? Please don't suggest I just go find a willing female. Ads I post only result in come ons from hookers and lead in proposals for online scam "adult" datingsites.

Louisville KY
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TOPIC: BDSM for Beginners, Newbies and the Curious