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BDSM at Swinger's Clubs : Swingers Discussion 1866041011
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TOPIC: BDSM at Swinger's Clubs
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"We wish there was more crossover."

LL,

If you find it "titillating and entertaining," why don't you "participate in any BDSM yourselves"?

Your answer to that question may explain why there isn't more crossover.

- ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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At the last party we attended, a couple of beautiful women played around a little. One allowed herself to be bound naked by her hands from the ceiling, while the other did some very light whipping across her ass. One of the women was the driver, having grabbed the whip several times through the evening and coaxing all evening in hopes of creating the little event. The room filled with swingers interested in watching - voyeurism is alive and well. But I also think there is a strong undercurrent of interest in the activities from swingers and don't see how its a bad thing. I don't believe anyone expects sexual activity must occur or is trying to define it, or is trying to play with the those being exhibitionist, I think they are just interested in watching. We don't participate in any BDSM ourselves, but our interest level in watching is high nonetheless - and we wonder if this is generally true of others. Anyhow, I know there is some bias both ways, but watching people skilled in bondage and other aspects of BDSM is titilating and entertaining. We wish there was more crossover. There seems to be some very serious and very judgemental people, yet the activities and lifestyles are in many ways reflections of the same aspirations.

Oklahoma City OK
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"Why would they be anti-sex?"

That's a good question. Since we're not anti-sex, I can only tell you what I've heard from others who might be called anti-sex.

1) The Bill Clinton Problem. Sex only means intercourse. So if the purpose of BDSM is only some kind of foreplay to intercourse, they're not interested. No matter how aroused they get or how many orgasms they have, it isn't sex. So thanks, Bill, for helping people argue about the definition of what "sex" is.

2) The "We're Not Allowed to Have Sex" Problem. While most communities would rather not have swingers around, they'll usually look the other way at the various "private" clubs that pop up. No so with BDSM. With BDSM, sell liquor, have sex, have BDSM activities -- pick one and one only. Even in liberal cities, BDSM clubs tend to have very short lives. So if you're at a BDSM club and you see sex occurring, make a note in your diary because it's very rare.

3) The BDSMers Are Not Swingers Problem. Many BDSMers are monogamous, and don't want to have sex with partners not their own. What they want others to see when they play publicly is their skill with BDSM techniques and their enjoyment of what they're doing. They may have lots of sex, however defined, in private, but they don't want to have it with you or in public.

So when someone tells you that BDSM is not about sex, they may mean any one or a combination of these three things.

However, if someone practicing BDSM doesn't find it erotic, if they think they deserve to be treated badly, or they are superior and deserve to treat others badly, those are people both other BDSMers and swingers should stay well away from. Play of any kind with such people won't have a happy ending.

Kitty Hawk NC
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I wonder why that is?

Almost everything we do that is not an everyday activity ends with sex. Our BD activities excite both of us and we all know where that leads. Why would they be "anti-sex"?

Middletown DE
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I have dungeon equipment at my party house. Sometimes it gets used at a "vanilla" party and sometimes not. Same with a club.

I don't think the reason is fear of rejection so much. It's more that only a small percentage of BDSM people are also into swinging (those are my people LOL). Many BDSM people look down on swingers and some are actually rather anti-sex.

Springfield VA
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We have our preferences - things we will and won't do and people we will and won't do. We'd like to think we're open minded and not done exploring, and right now, watching some BDSM interaction is interesting. LS, like everywhere, has prejudices, but it also has a lot of very accepting and adventerous people.

Oklahoma City OK
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Just about every on premise club that we have attended over the years has at least one room dedicated to BDSM play. Many people seem curious and others will always have a strong bias against it. As long as that bias does not affect us we're fine with that.

The one thing that we've learned is that while most people in the vanilla world would say that swingers are open minded free spirits, they aren't. Swingers can be narrow minded and rigid in their thought process. We'll enjoy ourselves just the same.

Center Valley PA
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The club we went to just had the wall restraints and no door to the room. A row of comfortable seating - play area leather couch type stuff surrounding. We're hoping to see more people come play, but it seems like there exists some prejudice at the club.

We've seen exciting things in European erotic fillms, the hardcore movies tend to not be as exciting as they more "heady" european approach. Regardless, we're hoping the exhibitionist BDSM'ers will come out and play so we can see more of the interaction.

Oklahoma City OK
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My mate and I went to a club a couple of times, the first time none of the equipment was used. The next party, wow. This gentleman displayed and pleasured at least 5 women , and the sessions and suspensions were nothing short of breathtaking. The club has a Saint Andrews cross, a gyno chair, many tables with restraints and some "devices" I haven't learned how to use yet. I imagine each club is completely individual. Our little party spot indulges to my deviance's. heh heh

Jackson MI
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GF&ME, that sounds like fun.

The club we go to has a room with wrist/ankle restraints hooked to the bed. I guess you need to bring your own other toys. Funny thing is that is the one room with an open window on the door.

Middletown DE
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TOPIC: BDSM at Swinger's Clubs