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TOPIC: BDSM_at_Swinger's_Clubs
Created by: laughinglovers
Original Starting post for this thread:
Every once in awhile we run across a swinger's club that has a room for BDSM. Each time we've seen this, the room promoted voyeurism, very open, with seating around the edges and plenty of space for those playing. We don't have any BDSM tendencies (tried and just wasn't real fun), but we both immensely enjoy watching the interaction and are pleased when there is activity in these rooms. We have found some swingers who will put it down, seems a little unfair given that we as swingers are 'fringe' ourselves. Anyhow, wondering if the BDSM groups feel comfortable and welcome at swinger's club that have these rooms, or is the bias just too much?

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My Dom and I go to a club here in PA, called The Korral, that has a few BDSM rooms that get used fairly often. Whenever we scene we get quite a few watchers. Some ask questions when we are done and we are both happy to talk to them. They have been very accepting of us.

Mechanicsburg PA
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Our local BDSM group has a no sex policy at their play parties, which isn't our thing. We would have to travel a couple of hours one way to get to one that does allow sex. We are working on changing that and hope to host some in the near future.

Kirkville NY
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People who enjoy BDSM can do so at the local club that caters specifically to them and the hedonistic swingers can enjoy 2 local clubs that cater to them.

Jackson MS
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The Loft and the Grove have aspect (rooms & equip) that cater to the BDSM crowd.

We don't go to eithere, but know several who do.

Alpharetta GA
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It has been tough going into the swing lifestyle from bdsm. Most swingers do not understand the bdsm lifestyle. They enjoy dabbling in it at times, but usually that is as far as they go. The swingers I have been with so far love sex, have no problem with our lifestyle, but never really discuss things like we do in the bdsm community. They seem to like things being spontaneous, never discussing the things they really like or dislike. Yes, it can be enjoyable, but knowing what they like and don't like, the things they may want to try, etc.., can only enhance the sexual experience for all. Instead it is the usual fucking and sucking that goes on, with it all being spontaneous. We have found some swingers that are into the bdsm lifestyle, and have really enjoyed those encounters. It does seem that a lot bdsm lifestylers do not care for the swinging community, only because the swingers do not understand the bdsm dynamic and the bdsm people don't understand the just sex part in swinging. We all enjoy sex, but bdsm for us definitely adds a whole new dimension to the sexual experience. The only thing I dislike with the swingers is they have no problem interrupting your play, while most bdsmers know not to interrupt a scene. We also like to form a long relationship with others and not fuck everyone, while the swingers like to keep swinging with many others. Just things I have noticed over the years. We have enjoyed it all, though, even the bad experiences, as it is all a learning experience for us. You can not learn if you don't experience it.

Kirkville NY
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I have been teaching and demoing bdsm at a hotel party for 6 months. I started slowly and let people get to know who were are. We taught beginner classes and made it easy for people to sit in and learn more. By the fourth event we had a lot of people joining in for some very soft play. I find that swingers (some) are interested and mostly timid. By making it non threatening and easy on the curious we are able to play with those that are interested. We do rope demos in the common areas so people can see that rope can be fun. Things like breast harness, rope corset and rope arm gauntlets. Sometimes I will blindfold my sub while tying her so she doesn't know who is watching. That turns her on. So we play with simple bdsm and don't try to push the limits in the swing event. We want people to get the idea that they can enjoy bdsm and then help them go further if they want. It seems to work for us.

Green Bay WI
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DEFLHRICL (sorry if i missed a letter or two)

You may want to look into Black Rose. They are a bdsm lifestyle group based in DC. Look for munches in your area as well. There you can meet others in a vanilla atmosphere and possibly make friends and learn from them.

to the Op,

I've watched entire house parties stop to watch a couple spank or flog. At an event I regularly help there is a dungeon run by a gentlemen that lets women try their hand at subbing. The ladies usually leave the room horny as hell.

Harmony FL
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Stgla "But I'm still curious how you can watch something, be titillated by it, and not want to try it yourselves."

Good question, I think its something like watching a gangbang, being excited by it, but not wanting to participate. Or, considering some of the skills involved in BDSM, maybe a better analogy is like watching two evolved poker players, enjoying the mental and physical game immensely, but not wanting to gamble. It's hard to say exactly; I'm not sure our interest has peaked with the light play and viewing others - but that is where it currently sits.

Oklahoma City OK
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@stgalacouple gives some good thoughts. It is very important to know what you are doing, know the risks, and take it slow. A great way to start for someone new is to read all you can - I suggest starting with the classic SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. It is an excellent read, and covers a tremendous amount information and advice.

Other books I'd suggest are: •Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon •The Loving Dominant by John Warren •The Control Book by Peter Masters

San Luis Obispo CA
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"So then, how does a couple of newbies proceed?"

This question would require a very detailed answer, but I'll take a shot at a short version.

Proceed slowly and safely.

The dom/top should know the health status of the sub/bottom. Everything from a trick knee to blood pressure and blood sugar issues. All health conditions are potentially important.

If you're going to session, NO drugs or alcohol. An experienced D/s couple might take one drink beforehand, but not a double.

For restraint/bondage, if circulation is impaired, remove or loosen the restraint or bond every 10 minutes (yes, this is very conservative). For beginners, leather cuffs and handcuffs are safer than rope. Learn how to lock handcuff shackles so they don't keep tightening up.

For impact play start by only reddening the skin. No intentional bruising for beginners. Move the area of impact around. Never hit near the kidneys. Doms should practice with their instruments of choice on pillows, etc. so they can hit where they want to hit. Spank with the fingers, not with the heel of the hand.

Communicate with each other. For beginners, "stop" means stop. You can get into safewords/safe actions later. No gags if you're doing impact play until you're more advanced.

Don't try to push too far too fast.

Find mentors. If you're on SLS, you'd probably like to play with others anyway, and experienced doms/subs can be a lot of help to you. I've mentored several new doms in various techniques; most doms are glad to do that, and even experienced doms like to watch and then try out things with which they aren't familiar with a dom who is.

I've deliberately been very conservative here. I hope others with experience will chime in here if there are things I should have mentioned but didn't. I also haven't given you the "why" for most of these guidelines. If something doesn't seem logical, ask for the why.

Kitty Hawk NC
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TOPIC: BDSM at Swinger's Clubs
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