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TOPIC: BDSM_at_Swinger's_Clubs
Created by: laughinglovers
Original Starting post for this thread:
Every once in awhile we run across a swinger's club that has a room for BDSM. Each time we've seen this, the room promoted voyeurism, very open, with seating around the edges and plenty of space for those playing. We don't have any BDSM tendencies (tried and just wasn't real fun), but we both immensely enjoy watching the interaction and are pleased when there is activity in these rooms. We have found some swingers who will put it down, seems a little unfair given that we as swingers are 'fringe' ourselves. Anyhow, wondering if the BDSM groups feel comfortable and welcome at swinger's club that have these rooms, or is the bias just too much?

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seXXnpassion, I have been involved with BDSM for a couple of years, I am also a swinger. The BDSM lifestyle is very different than the swinging. In BDSM there should always be a negotiation before any play, what happens to you is always up to you! Yes some people do dress up to play, most play is nothing more than role play. I find almost everyone involved are very respectful of others and their kinks.

When I first started going to play parties, I though there would be sex going on all the time like a swingers house party. I found out there was little actual sex going on! Now what people do in their own homes, I cannnot account for!

I've found that BDSM is about 90% psychological, and about 10%% physical. Me personally, I like being the voyeur, receiving some very light impact play as in floggers and such, but mostly I like sensation play.

When I joined our local club, I had never been around Trans Sexual people. That changed very quickly! There are several in our group.

Also I took the time to educate myself about the lifestyle while sitting back and observing. I didn't just jump in blind! I love the people for the most part, we are like family. A kinky family but still a family!

Tucson AZ
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seXXnpassion, I have been involved with BDSM for a couple of years, I am also a swinger. The BDSM lifestyle is very different than the swinging. In BDSM there should always be a negotiation before any play, what happens to you is always up to you! Yes some people do dress up to play, most play is nothing more than role play. I find almost everyone involved are very respectful of others and their kinks.

When I first started going to play parties, I though there would be sex going on all the time like a swingers house party. I found out there was little actual sex going on! Now what people do in their own homes, I cannnot account for!

I've found that BDSM is about 90% psychological, and about 10%% physical. Me personally, I like being the voyeur, receiving some very light impact play as in floggers and such, but mostly I like sensation play.

When I joined our local club, I had never been around Trans Sexual people. That changed very quickly! There are several in our group.

Also I took the time to educate myself about the lifestyle while sitting back and observing. I didn't just jump in blind! I love the people for the most part, we are like family. A kinky family but still a family!

Tucson AZ
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seXXnpassion,

Outfits of any type aren't a requirement by any stretch of the imagination. No big deal there, just someone's style or fetish. Play at dungeons or hotel takeovers, where you would likely see such, is also exhibitionism mixed in so a theatrical flair and some fetish wear may make the Dom and sub both hot.

There are a great many who love rope. They can spend large amounts of time and rope intricately binding and or suspending someone. The loss of physical control can be enticing and terrifying. Start with simple easy to get out of ties. A simple loop can give a bit of the effect while being able to easily free yourself. You slip your hand through the loop then grasp the two sides of the loop that extend upward or to the headboard. As long as you grip the rope you have yourself 'bound' but should you feel panic or any reason you want free simply letting go and pulling your hand out of the loop frees you.

Have emergency scissors on hand if you move on to actual ties so should something go wrong, house fire say, you can be cut loose by your partner and get to safety. Find a local enthusiast or club to learn from. Check into local dungeons for groups. Look on fetlife as well. D/s can be as basic or as elaborate as you wish. Whatever brings a smile, makes you tingle, drip like the niagara, etc. It can be structured 24/7 or it could be just obeying a few commands during a scene once a month. Doesn't matter as long as both of you are enjoying it. Just like rope work, start simply and expand as you learn about yourselves. What you like, what you need and what you hate. You find the balance point.

Good luck to you. Have fun.

Harmony FL
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Since people expressed curiosity about why regular swingers are sometimes not accepting of BDSM: I'm a vanilla swinger, looking into BDSM. The thing with the BDSM situation at, say, hotel take overs and such is that there are so many elaborate costumes (mostly black), and so much fetish related stuff like balls to cram in someone's mouth, riding crops, YOU know. I'm NOT saying this is a bad thing, but the thought of getting hit with some of that stuff is scary to me. Just saying as a regular swinger, it also looks so contrived to me and I can't take it seriously. I am not attracted by the clothes/costumes at all. They look like Halloween costumes to me. I don't have a problem with people enjoying that, not at all. At this point it just doesn't grab my interest and I have heard other swingers express similar thoughts.

I'm very serious about learning about sub/dom life. I am really attracted to rope play, restraints, etc. If someone had a big costume on while doing it I don't think I'd have an orgasm, though. That would really distract me!

Wyomissing PA
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My Dom and I go to a club here in PA, called The Korral, that has a few BDSM rooms that get used fairly often. Whenever we scene we get quite a few watchers. Some ask questions when we are done and we are both happy to talk to them. They have been very accepting of us.

Dillsburg PA
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Our local BDSM group has a no sex policy at their play parties, which isn't our thing. We would have to travel a couple of hours one way to get to one that does allow sex. We are working on changing that and hope to host some in the near future.

Kirkville NY
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People who enjoy BDSM can do so at the local club that caters specifically to them and the hedonistic swingers can enjoy 2 local clubs that cater to them.

Memphis TN
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The Loft and the Grove have aspect (rooms & equip) that cater to the BDSM crowd.

We don't go to eithere, but know several who do.

Alpharetta GA
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It has been tough going into the swing lifestyle from bdsm. Most swingers do not understand the bdsm lifestyle. They enjoy dabbling in it at times, but usually that is as far as they go. The swingers I have been with so far love sex, have no problem with our lifestyle, but never really discuss things like we do in the bdsm community. They seem to like things being spontaneous, never discussing the things they really like or dislike. Yes, it can be enjoyable, but knowing what they like and don't like, the things they may want to try, etc.., can only enhance the sexual experience for all. Instead it is the usual fucking and sucking that goes on, with it all being spontaneous. We have found some swingers that are into the bdsm lifestyle, and have really enjoyed those encounters. It does seem that a lot bdsm lifestylers do not care for the swinging community, only because the swingers do not understand the bdsm dynamic and the bdsm people don't understand the just sex part in swinging. We all enjoy sex, but bdsm for us definitely adds a whole new dimension to the sexual experience. The only thing I dislike with the swingers is they have no problem interrupting your play, while most bdsmers know not to interrupt a scene. We also like to form a long relationship with others and not fuck everyone, while the swingers like to keep swinging with many others. Just things I have noticed over the years. We have enjoyed it all, though, even the bad experiences, as it is all a learning experience for us. You can not learn if you don't experience it.

Kirkville NY
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I have been teaching and demoing bdsm at a hotel party for 6 months. I started slowly and let people get to know who were are. We taught beginner classes and made it easy for people to sit in and learn more. By the fourth event we had a lot of people joining in for some very soft play. I find that swingers (some) are interested and mostly timid. By making it non threatening and easy on the curious we are able to play with those that are interested. We do rope demos in the common areas so people can see that rope can be fun. Things like breast harness, rope corset and rope arm gauntlets. Sometimes I will blindfold my sub while tying her so she doesn't know who is watching. That turns her on. So we play with simple bdsm and don't try to push the limits in the swing event. We want people to get the idea that they can enjoy bdsm and then help them go further if they want. It seems to work for us.

Green Bay WI
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TOPIC: BDSM at Swinger's Clubs
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