BDSM and abuse: Swingers Discussion 46922

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TOPIC: BDSM and abuse

Created by: SirWolf_pet Original Starting post for this thread:
Something that surprises me, and I know it shouldn't, is how many are involved in BDSM because they feel a need to punish or be punished for trauma that occurred in their childhood and/or adulthood. I am not implying by any means that most or even half of the BDSM community has been abused in some form, but because of a few mentally unhealthy individuals there is a stereotype mindset for many that are not involved in and do not understand the BDSM Lifestyle. A good example... Sir and I met a very outgoing, happy, and bright young lady (who seemed to have it pretty well together on the phone) for lunch one day. Upon meeting, she started talking about overcoming anorexia, drinking problems, drug use, bulimia, and finally cutting. I sat there somewhat dumbfounded, for she was wanting Sir to use His skills on her. She showed us the scars on her arms from the cutting as she tells us about being raped. I was truly at a loss for words, because she was wanting Sir to push her limits and it was clear she was mentally unstable for BDSM play. Sir and I very rarely play with anyone on a first meeting and He explained this to her as she was making plans to come to our home. We left the lunch and discussed the discussion we had with her, and both agreed that it was in her best interest, as well as ours, not to play with her. Over the next couple of weeks it was constant drama from her, so we graciously wished her well and broke off contact. I have heard very similar stories from others that we know in the D/s, BDSM community and it's a rather sad reality. BDSM cannot fix a person, or make a wrong right. I have been asked a few times if I was abused as a child, or if I feel a need to be punished...neither of which is why I am involved. Simply put, I enjoy the hell out of it, lol Just my two cents... pet

Created by: SirWolf_pet
Original Starting post for this thread:

Something that surprises me, and I know it shouldn't, is how many are involved in BDSM because they feel a need to punish or be punished for trauma that occurred in their childhood and/or adulthood. 
I am not implying by any means that most or even half of the BDSM community has been abused in some form, but because of a few mentally unhealthy individuals there is a stereotype mindset for many that are not involved in and do not understand the BDSM Lifestyle. 

A good example... Sir and I met a very outgoing, happy, and bright young lady (who seemed to have it pretty well together on the phone) for lunch one day. Upon meeting, she started talking about overcoming anorexia, drinking problems, drug use, bulimia, and finally cutting. I sat there somewhat dumbfounded, for she was wanting Sir to use His skills on her. She showed us the scars on her arms from the cutting as she tells us about being raped. I was truly at a loss for words, because she was wanting Sir to push her limits and it was clear she was mentally unstable for BDSM play. Sir and I very rarely play with anyone on a first meeting and He explained this to her as she was making plans to come to our home. We left the lunch and discussed the discussion we had with her, and both agreed that it was in her best interest, as well as ours, not to play with her. Over the next couple of weeks it was constant drama from her, so we graciously wished her well and broke off contact. 
I have heard very similar stories from others that we know in the D/s, BDSM community and it's a rather sad reality. BDSM cannot fix a person, or make a wrong right. I have been asked a few times if I was abused as a child, or if I feel a need to be punished...neither of which is why I am involved. Simply put, I enjoy the hell out of it, lol

Just my two cents...
pet

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User Details are only visible to members.	Abuse is anything beyond what a Dominant feels competent doing, believes is safe, or will cause irreparable harm. I have played with rare bottoms who would allow all manner of activities that were well beyond my emotional or moral limits. I'm sure many experienced doms have played with folks whose "limits" entered the realm of abuse. RACK describes my limits. Risk Aware! Abuse with or without consent is sometimes a fine line. The folks I'm referring to were clearly over the line as to what they wanted, allowed, tolerated, desired. I'm also sure that subspace may not be the best time to verify consent. It is the dominant's responsibility to police the scene, control the limits, and bring everyone home safely and in good shape. The lack of a safe word even when directly asked is no excuse for violating RACK. The "dominant" whose excuse for a scene gone too far is: "They never safe worded even when asked" is a very dangerous dominant indeed. YMMV BiFem_Top
Glen Burnie MD			Username hidden (2785 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Abuse is anything done to another without their concent.
Camas Valley OR			Username hidden (47 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"It's not the pain I like it's the release" ...Many bottoms enjoy the destination so endure the journey... these aren't pain sluts to whom the journey is the key and will fight you tooth and nail to avoid the destination..... Words need to mean something to have communications.... I am trying to establish parameters.... some of us have experienced the edgy extremes of the BDSM arts... I've seen too many newbies walk into a scene with a less than reputable top, announce pain slut and no safe word, and then end a bloody mess just short of the emergency room...I am not SSC but RACK, the difference places much responsibility on all involved (this is another whole thread)... and the first responsibilty is to speak the same language.
Phoenix AZ			Username hidden (159 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm the opposite M, I like to slowly introduce them to the flight, I am the captain, then I try to maintain and extend it as long as I safely can. This does pretty much put a damper on the rest of the evening (why I like two girls for play so they can nurture each other after the session and I can go get a drink....lol).... the varying styles do add to a nice variety of choice for the bottoms.....lol
Phoenix AZ			Username hidden (159 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Annoucing you're a pain slut always concerns me.... there is such a relativity to WIITWD.... does that include 3rd degree burns? do the bruises heal in 2 days, 6 days, 3 weeks? cuttings for decorative purposes? is it a contest of will or do you just pass out? Sensation play includes some pain, hell I've even sun danced with temp piercings just to see what it felt like (that's when you really wish you had dieted some before....lol) .... the point is, I have seen perhaps one "pain slut" in my life, who welcomed pain to the complete point of shock and body shut down... all the other's I've seen just like the theater
Phoenix AZ			Username hidden (159 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My first taste of power? I (4 yo) was orally raped by the builder of my parents home. Of course, that was FORMATIVE in my view of the world and people in it. Of course, I purge some aspect of that first encounter with power when subbing safely. One could even argue that's why I'm a builder. So, no. You can't separate your history from your sex life. BDSM gave me a safe venue to process my shit. The fact that it is so intimate, intoxicating, and powerful doesn't hurt either. Bifem_Top
Glen Burnie MD			Username hidden (2785 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We all have abuses, physical or mental, roaming around in our pasts. These range from as simple as being picked last for kickball to sodomy by someone trusted. BDSM arts open one emotionally to readdress past problems.... I have seen scenes structured to recreate a gang rape where the victim felt guilty that they had just given in and should have fought... so a safe scene was set up for her to be gang raped again, this time with permission to fight as hard as she could, assured her most vile struggles would never get her harmed. She found out she was still overpowered, regardless of her best efforts....this was followed by a cleansing ceremony where the guilt and shame was buried in the desert... BDSM is not all kink.
Phoenix AZ			Username hidden (159 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Punishment is something to be used only as a tool for teaching your sub, and it must be used properly, we hate to see newbie Doms that really do not understand the lifestyle, these people ruin potential subs, by hurting them, and the sub quickly looses interest, it is a sad cycle and gives our lifestyle a bad reputation.
Chatham VA			Username hidden (3 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Wolfshaven... Sir and I did encourage her to get help, that is when all of the real drama started. We kept contact with her daily for almost 3 weeks after the meeting with her, and every day it was something different. Some of the things, if not all that she told us, were made up...we are sure of that. The things that she told us that were happening in her daily life were even more out there than a soap opera. We do wish her the best, wherever she may be, but to try to help someone that has no desire to help themself is to Sir and I too much of an emotional drain to continue any sort of relationship with the person. pet
Magnolia AR			Username hidden (9 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Something that surprises me, and I know it shouldn't, is how many are involved in BDSM because they feel a need to punish or be punished for trauma that occurred in their childhood and/or adulthood. I am not implying by any means that most or even half of the BDSM community has been abused in some form, but because of a few mentally unhealthy individuals there is a stereotype mindset for many that are not involved in and do not understand the BDSM Lifestyle. A good example... Sir and I met a very outgoing, happy, and bright young lady (who seemed to have it pretty well together on the phone) for lunch one day. Upon meeting, she started talking about overcoming anorexia, drinking problems, drug use, bulimia, and finally cutting. I sat there somewhat dumbfounded, for she was wanting Sir to use His skills on her. She showed us the scars on her arms from the cutting as she tells us about being raped. I was truly at a loss for words, because she was wanting Sir to push her limits and it was clear she was mentally unstable for BDSM play. Sir and I very rarely play with anyone on a first meeting and He explained this to her as she was making plans to come to our home. We left the lunch and discussed the discussion we had with her, and both agreed that it was in her best interest, as well as ours, not to play with her. Over the next couple of weeks it was constant drama from her, so we graciously wished her well and broke off contact. I have heard very similar stories from others that we know in the D/s, BDSM community and it's a rather sad reality. BDSM cannot fix a person, or make a wrong right. I have been asked a few times if I was abused as a child, or if I feel a need to be punished...neither of which is why I am involved. Simply put, I enjoy the hell out of it, lol Just my two cents... pet
Magnolia AR			Username hidden (9 post)

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TOPIC: BDSM and abuse