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TOPIC: BDSM_+_Swing_=_More_Fun
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hi thanks for the opportunity to have an open dialog about this subject. we r new to this site. we r a swing couple who r at the beginning of exploring the bdsm side of our relationship. we have also found a bit of a disconnect between the two. we have been told the two can't coexist. I don't see why. when in group or any other swing setting she leaves all decisions as to who. where when to me. this dynamic is very strong in her. any partner must be the dominant type. now there r varying degrees to this. we r accepting of those limits in others. she is willing to have fun with you as long as you take control. when we r alone we experiment in a much stronger way. swinging is an open minded setting. at least its supposed to be. we accept our partners being with others, being bisexual, how is this variant any different? we don't like others who are vanilla judging us for what we do. so how is it right to judge others for their kink? we would very much like an invite to the news letter. thanks

Johnston RI
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We have mixed the two very well. Everyone has their levels ...if they are interested. For those swingers who we meet that are not into it in any way shape or form, it never becomes a problem. We don't engage and we don't bring it up again. We have a great times either way.

For those that do enjoy a bit of BDSM play, oh wow what I time we have had.

When it comes down to it...it's preference. Just like anything Swing, no one goes past anyone else comfort levels.

Meeting with those that are curious, it's just common sense, safe and sane play with seeing what they may want to try and going at it slow and with safe words. Some may enjoy just some small lighter aspects of it and that's just fine too. Either way we all have fun sensual times.

Bradenton FL
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This is pertinent to our interests.

Spring TX
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me and my girl who is a very loyal and dedicated sub / slave met on a BDSM site the only problem I can see here is that Domming somebody else's sub might hurt your subs feeling due to the dynamic in a DOM sub relationship.....most subs enjoy physical pain not many very few enjoy emotional pain. it's a very slippery slope in my opinion.

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"how do you punish a woman who's been your equal for 12 years?"

SomethingG,

You're misunderstanding the dynamic that goes on here.

What you are doing with your wife might be considered punishment or abuse in other contexts, but you are giving her things that she enjoys physically and/or mentally. This is not real punishment. People often refer to it as "punishment," using the quotation marks to indicate that it's not really that.

Some people into BDSM like to expand the role play by pretending that the sub has done something wrong and deserves the "punishment." That's fine. However, bad girls don't get "punishment." Only good girls get "punishment." Some subs will misbehave deliberately to get "punished," but that's what's called topping from the bottom and is an attempt to manipulate the dom into giving the sub what he/she wants. Good doms never "punish" subs who try to manipulate them.

Real punishment is an attempt to correct behavior. There could be a long debate over how effective punishment is in that regard -- as opposed to making the person who misbehaves better at not getting caught at it.

If you're really asking how you can give your sub all the pain she wants, that's a common problem that I can't really tell you how to solve. It's a fact that husband doms have trouble being as severe as their wife subs would like. Part of the solution is understanding that you're doing it because they enjoy it. Getting feedback after the session can help with that. But in my experience, that's not the whole solution.

Kitty Hawk NC
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We are interested in the topic. We have dabbled in bdsm and experienced the friction (no pun) between it and swinging. An invite would be appreciated. D&D

Salt Lake City UT
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Agree with JustMe...BDSM is much deeper. There is a subset of swingers to which BDSM appeals, but it is clearly not the majority of swingers. So, you just need to find the right ones.

JustMe...as a side note...we were probably neighbors...grew up in Vineland.

Palm Coast FL
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-Jason- Thank you for starting this forum and writing your newsletter. we would love an invite as I have just learned of my wife's interest in bdsm. Im not entirely sure if it's a real interest of hers or just something she's into right now. She's been reading bdsm fiction and gets really turned on by it. We've played with restraints and spanking before too, with very positive results for both of us. I am sure I have a dom inside me (that came out funny) but I have a hard time letting him out on my wife. I don't think I'd have that issue with another sub woman.

I know my wife is a sub at heart but she doesn't really take me seriously as a dom/master. She knows me too well. she wants me to push her limits and explore this part of her desire but how do you punish a woman who's been your equal for 12 years? How do you switch out of the master/slave dynamic when playtime is over? I am curious to learn the nuances of bdsm that might help us out. It is our hope that your newsletter will help to open this up for us and make it more "real" rather than it feeling like we're just playing around.

Santa Rosa CA
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We play it this arena but more along the lines of "sensual domination/submission" and find that particular "genre" plays well with the LS. Besides Tink I now have another submissive that I play with as part of our couples play. She has a collar that when we all meet she will either be wearing or not . . . if not, then is just a regular group grope :) If she's wearing it, then both our mates know that we will be expecting some expected alone time. We play very safe and all play is directed to meet HER needs as a submissive at that moment. In RL she is a classic Type A personality, very in control, and at house parties and clubs is quite demanding and assertive, but when in the mood, she really loves giving up complete control and placing herself in my hands. My Tink helped her change her way of thinking which started out as "I could NEVER allow myself to be tied up". She now revels in the freedom of not having to think . . . to just let go.

Now, we realize that this is not hard core BDMS or full time D/s, but we have found that there IS a place for what we do. In fact, Tink has been approached by other women who think they might like to try the experience.

To each his own is our motto :) :)

Happy kinkstering!!

Fort Worth TX
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Anyone else here from Washington or will be in the Washington State area for some BDSM+Swing Play???

Everett WA
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TOPIC: BDSM Swing = More Fun
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