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A misbehaving Sub : Swingers Discussion 1710641011
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TOPIC: A misbehaving Sub
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Good to know and thanks for the info! I'm perfectly happy calling it kinky sex, either way we are both tittilated!!! ;)

San Diego CA
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I guess my comment about what would be said about this thread on a bdsm site was somewhat gratuitous, but there was a point behind it. The point is that, while there are a lot of things that fall under BDSM, there are some things that have to happen to take it beyond kinky sex.

It's well known in the bdsm community that vanilla people engage in lots of play that is bdsm-related. That includes things like handcuffs, spankings, and tying down with silk scarves. Some people progress from there to bdsm. Most don't. For them it's just kinky sex.

I post in this topic about bdsm because that's what it's called. I post for people who are curious about or into bdsm. I don't care what kinds of kinky sex people engage in, but I'd prefer they not explain it in terms of bdsm, because it just confuses people who don't know better.

Finally, let me correct two misconceptions.

First, Fetlife is hardly the end all and be all of BDSM. It's mostly newbies, and while someone will eventually post a good answer, there's lots of misinformation there too. We were on Fetlife for a few months and found it not worth the time.

Second, BDSMers aren't into the lifestyle 24/7/365. That's a myth kept alive by people who don't try to do it. What does happen is that a dom can put his partner into the submissive mode at any time. But real life gets in the way of nonsense like 24/7/365 D/s.

So I wish you all the success in the world with your kinky sex under whatever rules you may set for yourselves. But I'd appreciate the occasional nod to the fact that what you do isn't BDSM. For that, thank you Bonis.

Kitty Hawk NC
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Isn't BDSM supposed to be subjective?! We do what we enjoy and if he chases me and catches me and bends me over his knee, and we both enjoy the exhilaration, how is that wrong? There may be a serious BDSMer who wouldn't ever play with us, and that's ok, we do it for our enjoyment not to follow blindly after the "rules." Either way, I'm enjoying our play and picking an choosing which "items" to put on our plate!

San Diego CA
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"I'm not surprised that these comments appear on a swinging web site. You wouldn't find them on a BDSM web site, except perhaps posted by newbies who would find themselves quickly corrected."

That would be funny if weren't true. So many BDSMers are snobs, who don't think twice about telling people how they should act. Sites like Fatlife....I mean Fetlife are full of this type.

Pittsburgh PA
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Stga, I think in our cases we are using the D/s roles as sexual enhancement and play, and we like to play "naughty girl." We like the idea of submitting, but on our terms, which sometimes includes making our "Dom" MAKE us submit. If this were to become a lifestyle choice, a 24/7 scene, I'm sure the dynamics of our behavior would change. For now, it's an hour or two of playtime where our men get us to bend to their will. Especially being new to this, we aren't taking it that seriously. Perhaps as we gain more experience and insight into the roles we are choosing, we will become less naughty! :) For now, it's all fun and games. Lighten up! We are!! :)

San Diego CA
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Please do not see my post as being disrespectful. You are of course entitled to your opinion. And given, in my evolution as a person...I will continue to change. Right now though, I am definately not there...and I very much enjoy pushing his boundaries, as much as he pushes mine :0).


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I understand and respect your opinion. But along with being a sub, I am a grown woman. And any man, whether dom or passive, that thinks I will set aside my mind in order to be a sub has got another thing coming. I adore the D/s aspect. But I will always do and say as I wish. Whether or not that makes me a sub, so be it. But I do as I wish. I do not like women that just lay there as if they have no mind or opinion. Again, that may mean I will never be the sub you think I should or could be. I accept that.


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I'm not surprised that these comments appear on a swinging web site. You wouldn't find them on a BDSM web site, except perhaps posted by newbies who would find themselves quickly corrected.

The masochist-sadist joke is just that, a clever joke. Look up sadism. The first definition always mentions pain. Then there's something about emotional or mental cruelty, which is far, far darker that not indulging a masochist.

Here's what happens when a sub "acts naughty," tops from the bottom, or tries to see how much she can annoy the dom or see how far she can push him. The session stops cold. Play stops. If the dom thinks the sub did it unintentionally, he may explain to her why the behavior isn't permissible. If it was intentional, at a minimum it would mean no more sessions until the sub realizes the error of her ways. At worst, it would mean the end of the relationship between the two.

A sub who is submitting to a new dom does him no favors if he doesn't understand that he cannot tolerate being manipulated. He won't be a dom. He'll just be someone who flogs her when she wants. She should just tell him she wants him to be her sub and be done with it.

Important to remember: only good girls get punished.

Kitty Hawk NC
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I am glad I'm not the only one that does this shit lol. Number one, my mischievious wit prohibits me from ever doing anything the easy way. And number two, I omg love it when he is....annoyed with me. When he is completely serious, authorotative....that is what I crave and prefer. I do not like silly laugh time unless we have just fucked and I am in the mood for it. Otherwise I much prefer serious. So....I am definately known for doing shit that annoys him, just so I pay the consequence for naughty behavior. And, most men bore of girls that just do whatever the hell they are told. Its like the cat and mouse. If the mouse just lays there....the cat eventually bores with the game and walks away :0).


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I love to be a naughty sub too!!! I think we exert ourselves to see how far we can push the Dom because its thrilling to be "naughty!" Since the Mr and I are onl just starting together in a D/s sexual relationship, I haven't had opportunities to be rotten, but it's a comin! ;) As long as you're enjoying yourself, why worry about labels?! Briefly read some of the comments, and saw one about how sadism is only related to pain play, I don't think that's necessarily true. Haven't you heard the old line "a masochist says beat me beat me! A sadist says no."? There's the mental torment that makes the games fun and a sadist is someone that actually enjoys exerting the anguish (whether physical or mental) over the sub.

San Diego CA
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TOPIC: A misbehaving Sub