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wondering why : Swingers Discussion 44690
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TOPIC: wondering why
Created by: maidenwolf The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Okay, I told myself I was just going to read this thread, but I have to inject something here. I (the female half of this couple), started my lifestyle experience going to clubs with a VERY tall, nice looking male. I thought I was going to be unaccepted at the clubs, because I'm a BBW. Well I dressed VERY nicely, have a nice personality (as I have been told my MANY people), and am friendly. Guess what. The couples and single guys that were at the clubs SEARCHED ME OUT! What was their response when I asked WHY, with so many skinnier women in the club?????? Because I cared to TALK to them. My biggest hang up online is that I can't express myself very well in the written word. In other words, I don't sell myself well in typed words. Someone can't see my shy personality, my friendly face, and I guess my HUGE chest helps a little as well.

I joined this site with my other half because WE are seeking friendship first. Why is that so hard to understand. We are one of those, if we can't have a relationship outside the bedroom, there is no fun in having one INSIDE the bedroom. Are we the only ones that think this way?

I guess what I'm saying, is that online, we can all list what we like don't like as a rule, but in person, we might be attracted to the person we rejected online, for one reason or another, because we are face to face with that person, and the personality is what is projected. I was always told, let people know who you are INSIDE, by being you. Personality is who we really are, the body is just a package. Remember, don't judge a book by the cover, you will either miss out on a GREAT story, or wind up with a story that will bore you to sleep. Same with people.

Just my 2cents worth. A (of A & M)

Enterprise AL
 
 
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Right on! We quit counting how many times we've ready "no heavys" and yet the guy is the size of a house; what gives?

Opelika AL
 
 
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<I can respect that poly but I have to say I am sure not all people who are into fitness put it in thier profile>

I ditto that. I work out very regularly- I hit the gym at 6 AM most days for cardio, and add another 2-4 days of circuit training in on top of that. (Hubby is a swimmer, not as regularly, but he goes when he can.) Our profile doesn't say this, and you'd never know it to look at me (damned genetics), but that doesn't mean that taking care of myself isn't important to me.

L.

Ithaca NY
 
 
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Its all about BMI.. I like very thin ladies, (went out with an ex jockey for a while)...... If I heard a number like "150" before meeting a lady I would probably not want to meet Them. But I took a chance on a 5'9" 156 lb lady cop and she was hot as hell.... she was an aerobics instructor and worked out like a maniac. There are 200+ lb men that are blobs and there are 200+ lb that are hunky dunky. I typically weigh about 20 lbs more than I look, I workout and don't eat any junk or drink. You can't always tell things by the numbers, well maybe some things you can!!!!!!!!! hehe , but weight numbers are not a complete indication of overall attractiveness. IMHO

Austin TX
 
 
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maidenwolf Thats ok, if the woman isn't full figured.. (BONES HURT) then we are not interested. Everyone has there own preference that turns them on.

Its a lot like fake or real breasts.. Personally if there not big and natural. My wife and I would pass.

Oregon City OR
 
 
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<Colleen playing devil's advocate...(WEG) >

I prefer curvy volupuous women over pencil thin women...just my PREFERENCE!!! :D

<Waiting for the food fight to begin...I brought the peaches and whipped cream!! LOL!>

If the girl isn't at least 180 pounds, I'm not interested...reverse psychology? I think not...

-C!

Maryville TN
 
 
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thrillseekers4you,

very good point and well spoken I do realize that it is not only larger people who are turned down and I fully agree and I also have spoken to many in person and in chat that do look at the lifestyle as a "numbers" game,meaning that they are keeping score and trying to get to a certain number to feel good about themselves honestly,I wish that kind of person happiness but it is definitely not us I would be completely and totally happy to find just one or 2 others that are dependable and that are fun to hang out with etc..it isn't about numbers to us,I'm only saying it is frustrating to take the brave steps to enter a lifestyle that many don't understand or approve of (those not into swinging) and find out that it doesn't much matter anyway I'm not just speaking for myself,I've come to peace with my situation,I honestly have,I'm mostly speaking for others who still have the courage to keep looking and find they aren't getting anywhere I still go back to everyone has a right to their preference and I wouldn't change that even if I could,I just wish there were more out there interested in a wider variety of people,I know there is no easy solution,I'm just speaking from the heart for a lot of people

2inVT you are absolutely correct as well we have several non-playing friends in the lifestyle that we have spoken to as well as numerous friends that are not in the lifestyle but know that we are and we have realized that in our situation the problem isn't that we come across wrong or are insecure or anything like that it is that we are going after people "out of our league" (their words not ours) that is why we've had a difficult time (that,plus a lack of time and availability) (and throw in the fact we live in a town not exactly known for wild life) but I write not so much for myself but for others that are in similar situations that are not seeking for the stars but are just having a really hard time anyway I know there is no easy solution,just wishing there was and speaking my 2 cents worth

thanks everyone for replying God bless, Eternal

Grantville PA
 
 
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I promised myself and promised myself that I would just stay away from the forum...but I suppose it's like a car wreck,you know you shouldn't want to stay and look but you do anyway

the most commen advice that I have seen given to 'larger' people is to not focus on the rejections and boy,if it was that easy for most of us,I think I would agree such as,if you approach 50 people and say 20 are interested then I would agree and say yes,focus on the 20 and forget the 30 that aren't...but as is the experience of many of us what iffff you approach 50 people and out of 50 1 says they are interested over the period of say 4 years wouldn't that be enough to make anyone lose self-esteem?

I am writing this and telling myself as I write it to not send it because I know I'm gonna get bashed there really is no easy solution

thin attractive people can easily say "forget the rejections,focus on the fun" that is easy when you only get rejected 1 or 2 times out of 100 but what happens if you are ALWAYS rejected as many of us are

back to the cherry ice cream example...i suppose if you love cherry ice cream but no one will sell it,then you just forget about eating ice cream all together

God bless

Grantville PA
 
 
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Hi everyone,

it's been oh....maybe a year since i've been in the message boards and i feel that maybe it's time to come back and just voice a few opinions because that's what the message boards are all about i am speaking only for myself (the male half of the couple) and yes,i fully except and am certain i will be bashed (as i have been before) but i also feel that for every 1 "large" person who replies or writes their feelings down 5 or 6 will quietly read and say nothing but just quit

it is about preferences i agree 100 percent and i don't think anyone can 'force' someone to be attracted to someone else...and i know with 100 percent certainty that this site has farrrrrr more "physically fit" and "bikini model" body types here than those that are not....but i do want to express what some of us have been going through...this is not meant to bash anyone nor is it meant to be negative in any way...just wanted to maybe show how the other side is feeling i do go back to saying everyone has the right to a preference and i would never want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me nor would i want someone to be with me if they were disgusted by me but i think what many are feeling (but word it perhaps a little defensively) is that if you loved cherry ice cream and went to 199 ice cream stores in a row and they all had signs in the window " NO CHERRY ICE CREAM SERVED HERE" how would you feel? i don't think it's about anyone wanting to take someone's right to choose away....i think it is more about feeling left out because of the lack of those interested in anyone who is not height and weight proportionate if i'm wrong,sorry,just stating my opinion

as for me.....i would do anything short of selling my soul to be physically fit...i've tried every diet under the sun (as i'm sure most people who are over-weight have) i don't think anyone decides "HEY,today i'm going to become over-weight" i eat 1 small meal a day....and yet my brother eats HUGE meals of junk food every day and is very very thin (i'm adopted) it's all about how some people are born... believe me....when i get the money i'm getting surgury ...and anyone that says they are truly happy AND over-weight i'm not sure if they really are...it sucks....but what makes it worse is being rejected over and over and over...and being told in a place that accepts differences that YOU are not accepted or wanted,is very difficult.... i'll end this by saying again....everyone has preferences,and no one should be someone they aren't attracted to...it's just frustrating to those that are in the minority because there are so few out there who are interested....that is not a put down to those who are fit....it is simply stating that we wish there was more diversity,more members.....

God bless you all and please try not to hurt people's feelings...thanks

Grantville PA
 
 
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Another former BBW here...weighed 195 and stood 5'10" (and wore heels)...my friends called me Big Bird. lol and boy did I have the hips for it.

Netty...you were doing more than checking the climate of the boards...you made a not so veiled attempt at bashing everyone else for their preferences. To each his own is our motto. If you truly feel that once you go fat, you won't go back, then more power to you, but don't be insulted when someone calls you on the veiled insults. You'll find that in these forums, there will always be someone who will disagree, sometimes not as politely as everyone here has. That's no reason to either a) stop stating your opinion or b) stop posting to the forums. That's life...if everyone in this world agreed, I'm afraid we'd have a perfect vanilla world, and I, for one, like exploring the differences.

Cambridge VT
 
 
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TOPIC: wondering why