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advice needed,has this ever happened to you,if so what did you do to fix it : Swingers Discussion 53310
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsB.B.W.advice needed,has this ever happened to you,if so what did you do to fix it
TOPIC: advice needed,has this ever happened to you,if so what did you do to fix it
Created by: eternalbliss246
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hi everyone,

it's been a while since i've written to the forum. My beautiful wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a good 5 years now and it was such a huge and important and enjoyable part of our life. I'm 35 and my wife is 32. In fact,it was exactly what we needed to put the incredable spark back in our marriage that we first had when we were dating,which was wayyyy back when I was 18 and she was 15! We've been together for a longggg time and love each other more then ever.And the lifestyle was a HUGE part of the excitment,especially the sexual excitment. The reason I'm writing,and the reason on our profile it says that we left the lifestyle is because when we joined this site a couple years ago,my wife and I had a special playmate that we played with on a regular basis,all 3 of us were very close and we loved the time we shared together,unfortunately she moved away.So we came out here looking for other couples to share time and experiences with. We didn't have much luck.My wife got rejected a few times and took it very personally. She is a beautiful and very sexy woman as anyone that looks at our profile will also see,but she feels that it is because she is not perfectly skinny (which I would be very sad if she were because I think she looks perfect exactly as she is) So she said she wanted time away from the lifestyle.That was over a year ago. I miss it so badly. I know she misses it too (she's told me) The love that we share together is as strong as it's ever been,we are best friends,soulmates and can talk about anything and enjoy everything together,but the sexual spark is missing because the lifestyle was such a huge and enjoyable part of our lives for so long.I know the guys know exactly what I mean (and maybe some of the girls too) it's like giving someone their favorite ice cream cone every day and then one day taking it away and never giving it to them again (bad example maybe but its all I could think of on short notice (lol) Has this ever happened to anyone out here? where one of the couple feels rejected by others and decides that both have to leave the lifestyle because of it? I miss it,she misses it,but she's scared to try again because of all the rejections we got at this site (we actually had luck at another site but couldn't afford to keep paying the HUGE yearly fee,we're lifetime members here) any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you for listening and have a great Christmas and new year Bill from eternal bliss

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Agh.. i feel like I am in so many of yous heads!

We have a huge problem with mixed signals, we don't like to be pushy, were both shy and I have issues with feeling attractive to women. He hates to be pushy, don't want to piss the other guy off. This has turned on us several times with us not knowing they wanted us just as much as we wanted them! I think I have a hard time just letting my guard down and letting my true self out.

In the realm of rejection for BBW, I don't think a BBW on this site has been free of rejection, some people reject us flat out in thier profile! Hell, we get rejected from other BBW's. I have often thought loosing weight would be my key to happiness, but I just never felt that unhappy about it! I have a great sex life with my boyfriend, If I needed to swing to have great sex, I should find another boyfriend!

My advice to everyone, enjoy your sex life with your partner, swinging is a bonus! If someone doesn't want to have sex with you, do you really want to have sex with them?

Lower Paxton PA
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Mixed signals = no sex ) :

Fort Worth TX
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BiF, I hate mixed signals. We were at a party, and a cute single guy was there. Painfully shy lol....not sure if he is really that shy or if its a ploy to get chicks, cause some were digging the whole shy thing LOL...anyways. At first he was really shy. To me this says he is not interested. So hey, its a free country, I'll find someone else to play with lol, no worries.

As the evening wore on, he began to give me mixed signals though. For instance, he would put his hand on my knee when he spoke, and when he would talk to me he would get close, right next to my mouth and look into my eyes. To me, thats a sign of interest...perhaps I'm wrong LOL. Smiling and looking into my eyes when you are 1" from my face tells me ya wants to gets it on...but then he'd go shy again.

We ended up not playing, but he is a very friendly guy all the same. But I hate mixed signals. I'm SUCH a sucker for a smart ass man with a quick wit and a sense of humor....a flirt basically. I can't stand having to force conversation. Shells


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Hmmm...this subject has come up with us and two other couples and we've discussed it for a week straight...

There are times, and this happened to me recently, when the guys hold back so as not to seem pushy (and guess what, they're afraid of rejection too!) and a to be a gentleman, as this lifestyle recommends. Then, the ladies feel rejected. But sometimes people are just really hard to read.

Do most of you/us want to be told straightforwardly that there's no chemistry? If so, how is that handled?

Gina

San Antonio TX
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Yes, rejection is as much a part of the LS as the sex is in true honesty. AND its natural though. Think about yourself, you aren't attracted to everyone either...we all have certain likes and don't likes. Its not that they have something against YOU personally......you just aren't their "type" perhaps. I have had to learn this too, because I had the inclination to think it must be ME. But when you think of it like this, if everyone wanted you how would you choose LOL. Shell


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everyone has been rejected in their lifetime.don't look at it as the type of people on the site. think back to all your single freinds telling you they hooked up. but in reality they where home watching "leno' or something. dry spells happen to everyone. find a local house party, "alt" club, weekly gathering and mingle. both need to go in not expecting someone to jump out at youyou have been in it for a while so you should realize how many people you turned down till you found the right one.it may be alittle harder online,unless you have some provacative pics. my wife's pics are not nude at all, but show alittle something, just take some pics keep them all but, both decide which you two like and post. Take it slow

Brunswick GA
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I just reread your post and wanted to say also, that people leave the lifestyle, or take a break from it for many reasons. We got into it early on, and took a break because a woman "fell in love with me" and was very pushy. Our next entrance into it was in Vegas last year, then we joined SLS and have not regretted it at all.

So rejection isn't the only reason for taking a break. I was new to it, needed to learn how to set boundaries, and learned a lot about myself from the experience. It needs to be fun, and now, it is...very much so!

I could share a lot more about this subject, but I'm trying to learn not to ramble so much on here!!! And to give many others a chance to write.

Thanks for all your wonderful comments. I love reading them.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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In response to the OP, Yes this does happen often. What happens is you as a woman takes things way too personally. I have learned that you CANNOT take things personally in this lifestyle. It has nothing to do with your wife at all, she cannot allow herself to think this. Her weight has absolutely nothing to do with it. Just like I like blue and you may like green, people like different things. She will find someone she connects with, she just has to have fun and be patient. I think some of us forget that this is supposed to be fun. Shelly


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I considere email, but your profile doesn't indicate interest in single guys, and I didn't want to be percieved as another single loser. Your profile seems both sincere and mature about the lifestyle. You are honest and open about your desires. This is what any true "lifestyler" is looking for on sites like this. I would suggest that many of those who who express a lack of interest or make you feel rejected have the issues.

Don't let others make you uncomfortable with yourselves....God! I sound like my parents...lol. If others can't see your positive qualities because of size, age, race, etc; they are the ones who will lose out. One never finds the "new thing" they are looking for if they aren't willing to explore beyond their current comfort zone.

Harrisburg PA
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Welcum to the forums Gina!

I could have sworn I have seen other postings from you in the past.... Guess my mind is nutz these days.... LoL!

You have some pretty insiteful and impressive post! Yes, I read them all and they made me smile. I can definitely relate with you on several levels.

As to why people tend to make negative comments... I guess it is just human nature to want to make others feel inferior for some. I wish it wasn't so.

As to why it is allowed here, that is simple... Freedom of speech.

"There is something for everyone, and if you can't be truly helpful and supportive, then say nothing." Now that is something I think we can ALL agree with wholeheartedly!

"There is beauty in everyone. And there are people who are real, who are solid, who are secure, and those are the people who aren't constricted by boundaries of color, class, race, size or shape." Thankfully these are the type people I look for and keep in my life. I love people who understand that beauty comes in a variety of shapes, sizes, and mind sets. When they let go of the judgements and open their minds, that is when the attraction gets intense. I am not talking just about sexual attraction either. Attraction in all areas of life.

I'm happy to see you posting here.

RaveN ( :~

Fort Worth TX
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TOPIC: advice needed,has this ever happened to you,if so what did you do to fix it