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TOPIC: Man with a question
Created by: pleazuru2
Original Starting post for this thread:
Well, where to start? We started this rather innocently. A couple g/f's over and the talk began. It was quite a turn on to talk about sharing the bed with a lovely lady. Come to find out we were not alone in our fantasies. After awhile the talk just didn't cut it. We decided that there were a some real possibilities for us. After some talk about boundaries, we decided that we were down. It started innocently enough. Warm weather, a pool, a bottle of Crown, and some good music started the evening right. It was quite innocent at first, petting, kissing, etc. Then it began to get interesting. No penetration occurred that night. We had all had too much to drink, but we knew it was a serious turn-on. I guess we were just testing the waters to see if there was going to be any "weird" feelings, and there were not any. So next we started to look online just to learn about the lifestyle. There are plenty of couples, but very few single ladies. Thus, here is my dilemma. I am having reservations about doing a full swap. Am I alone in feeling uncomfortable with this situation? See, after talking about it with my wife, I felt as if she would be willing to do a full swap. I understand the selfishness involved in how I feel, but I just don't know how comfortable I would be with another man being with my wife. I'm not insecure by nature, but previous relationships experimentations have left a bad taste in my mouth. I do believe that I could be down with the right couple, but I am just not sure. Any advice? Has anyone else experienced this feeling of doubt? I want to be fair with my wife, but I just can't shake this unsure feeling. 411 would be appreciated.

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Any advice? Has anyone else experienced this feeling of doubt?"

Of course. People do not admit to this often, esp. females...because admitting to bouts of jealousy is not something many women will ever do. It is seen as a "weak" emotion and so people will scream at the top of their lungs about not being jealous and will just be jealous in private LOL. Yes, I have had those feelings. Number one, you need to stop where you are and discuss it with your spouse. Holding it in will only allow the feelings to fester and that is usually when drama happens at parties and such. Taking things slowly, there is no rush...and having a safe word helps as well. A safe word where no questions are asked, all play stops. You do not have to cause drama, just being discreet is okay. Full swap is not for everyone, there are many soft swap couples who have a wonderful time with flirting or oral and fucking their own spouse. I would have a talk with your spouse about your feelings and hesitations. It is not being weak, it is being honest. Once you feel comfortable, go forward. But if you never go to full swap that does not mean you are not okay, you are just being you.


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I think that if either one of you is apprehensive about going further, you should both hold off. It's not unfair because if you wanted to take the plunge while she didn't, I'd assume that you would hold off on doing it. You should enjoy this as a team. There's alot you can still do without being full swap. You don't have to quit everything, just kinda plateau where you currently are, that's all.

Redford MI
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@pleaz - Welcome! And yes, you'd probably do better with this topic over in the "getting started" forum. But...since we're all here....

We know what you mean. These feelings are VERY common when a couple starts up in the LS. And don't let people tell you because you are feeling this way that the LS is not for you. Your new to the LS and it's ok. The best thing you can do as a couple at this point is communicate. Talk about these feelings, talk about your fantasies, her fantasies, decide on your boundaries, etc. The only way this is going to work for you guys is if you have 100% open communication and a sense of humor about everything.

And don't forget about this.... the LS is fluid. Your feelings, what you guys like and want is GOING to change. We started earlier this year and our feelings about what we like and want has shifted quite a bit. Every experience we have (sexual or not) we take as a learning experience, discuss what we liked and didn't like about and go from there.

A personal note - when we first started, we both thought that *I* would be the one to have a harder time with the LS, be pickier, etc. Come to find out, it's hubby that's pickier. Kinda funny! :)

Lahaina HI
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Before our first MFM, I was not sure how I'd feel about seeing her with another man but I decided to commit to giving it a try and if it felt terrible to just endure the evening. Had a great encounter, reflected on it for months to make sure there were no regrets. Now we're fully emerged in the LS. Talking about past and future playdates during sex is a wonderful enhancement to what was already fantastic.

Coeur D Alene ID
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Good Points, Mr and Mrs O. That's how we got into swinging in the first place: by using our fantasies as foreplay (or during play, or after play). We knew it was a turn on, and then took it into reality.

San Antonio TX
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Maybe you are both trying to move ahead too quickly?

In your profile, you have yourself set as "wild." It doesn't sound as if you're ready for that yet. Scale back your expectations.

Another thought is to have your wife tell you stories/fantasies that involve her with another guy. Engage in light play while she's talking... do you get hard? Or do you go soft? If she's touching and stroking you while she's telling you these stories and you go soft, then this really is a stumbling block for you and you two have to resolve it.

If, on the other hand, it turns you on more than ever before, you're subconscious likes the idea, it's just a matter of bringing your conscious thought along for the ride.

Columbia MD
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I appreciate the advice. No, I don't think she would cheat. we are very strong in the relation ship department. I guess it is more of a personal feeling. I really can't explain it. It's like part of me would be turned on seeing her having fun in that way. On the other hand, something is bothering me. Can't really figure it out yet. Maybe, it is just different because I never swapped before or even participated with another man. Either way, I do feel like the right couple could help it be "just right." Thank you for your response.

Dickel TN
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"previous relationships experimentations have left a bad taste in my mouth"

There is the root of your problem.

Do you think "past relationship experiences" (which I can only imagine means women cheating on you) means that your wife might do the same? Has this particular woman done anything which would cause you to feel insecure about her, besides possess the same chromosome pair as those who have cheated on you before? Do you think that an experience with another guy is going to suddenly inspire her to cheat?

If your wife wants to cheat on you, she's going to do it whether you're swinging or not. If you're insecure about that, you need to deal with that before you mess with swinging any more.

Chesapeake VA
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First, welcome to the forums. You will find a lot of your questions considered in the "getting started" thread in these forums. You might have better luck with responses.

Keep communicating with your wife and don't do anything that makes either of you feel uncomfortable.

G.

San Antonio TX
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Well, where to start? We started this rather innocently. A couple g/f's over and the talk began. It was quite a turn on to talk about sharing the bed with a lovely lady. Come to find out we were not alone in our fantasies. After awhile the talk just didn't cut it. We decided that there were a some real possibilities for us. After some talk about boundaries, we decided that we were down. It started innocently enough. Warm weather, a pool, a bottle of Crown, and some good music started the evening right. It was quite innocent at first, petting, kissing, etc. Then it began to get interesting. No penetration occurred that night. We had all had too much to drink, but we knew it was a serious turn-on. I guess we were just testing the waters to see if there was going to be any "weird" feelings, and there were not any. So next we started to look online just to learn about the lifestyle. There are plenty of couples, but very few single ladies. Thus, here is my dilemma. I am having reservations about doing a full swap. Am I alone in feeling uncomfortable with this situation? See, after talking about it with my wife, I felt as if she would be willing to do a full swap. I understand the selfishness involved in how I feel, but I just don't know how comfortable I would be with another man being with my wife. I'm not insecure by nature, but previous relationships experimentations have left a bad taste in my mouth. I do believe that I could be down with the right couple, but I am just not sure. Any advice? Has anyone else experienced this feeling of doubt? I want to be fair with my wife, but I just can't shake this unsure feeling. 411 would be appreciated.

Dickel TN
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TOPIC: Man with a question