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BBW and Self-Image : Swingers Discussion 196078101
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TOPIC: BBW and Self-Image
Created by: Scandle
Original Starting post for this thread:
Ever since having children my body has been heavier than I would like. Since hitting my 50's, I've gained even more weight but with our participation in the lifestyle, I am making more of an effort to get rid of it. Yes, it's hard and slow work, with exercising more and eating less being the basic rule of thumb. I'm making some headway, but get discouraged when I discover that my efforts are not working as much as I imagine they are. When I try to wear the slacks I fit into 7 years ago, my happy bubble bursts and brings me back to reality. Patience is not my strong suit, unfortunately, but that's for another thread! Do you go, or have you gone through the same difficulties? How did you get past it? I'm doing my best to keep a positive outlook and I don't want to give up.

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Today, someone told me to stop losing weight, that I look hot with a little weight on me. Agh. That's the second time in my life that I've heard that from a male.

When I was a teen and weighed about 125-130, my parents were always making deals with me to lose weight. When I got married to my ex, and had my first son, I gained 50 pounds, lost a bit of it, but was about 145. As our marriage deteriorated, I gained and gained. My top weight (that I know of...might have been a bit more b/c after this I didn't weigh myself) was 203. And he would tell me that fat people didn't deserve to live, that he hated me b/c I was fat, that my weight was the cause of all his anger.

Hear enough of those messages, and your head gets a bit mixed up, right?

So, compliments now are weird. My husband tells me I'm beautiful, and he is one of those men who does like women with some weight. He's a big Carrie Underwood fan, and when she was on American Idol, he thought she was so cute. Now that she's thin, he misses her hips and thighs and curves. Ok.

What's my point?

I think my point is that you really have to be happy with yourself at any weight. While I still want to lose more (I was at 173 this morning), and have been fluctuating all summer between 169-173, I want to do it because I need the weight off my knees and also for my Type II Diabetes, which I've neglected since probably about April. BUT, I'm still wearing clothes I feel attractive in and that fit my body as it is NOW, not as I hope to be, or as I was 20 pounds heavier (last year at this time).

Where does attraction come from? Eyes of the beholder? Or inside your own head about your own self. It's a lot to do with believing things you hear, good or bad, or believing what you choose to tell yourself. Today I am okay. Not perfect, not where I want to be, but further along that I was, and for now, for today, I'm okay with being me just as I am.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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What VaBeach says definitely resonates with me. Up until I came on this site I never received a compliment or second look. Not a complaint but it is what it is. For me I find attractiveness in how a person carries their self, their attitude, the light in their eyes and the smile on their face. Might be due to my age (knew I'd mature one day). Most people in this particular post are, in my opinion, quite attractive.


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This has much less to do about being "BBW" and more to do with just being human. I (male half) honestly never considered myself to be attractive until we were in this for some time. Being in this played no small part in motivating both of us to improve ourselves, and I am certain we are better off than we were when we started 8 years ago.

When it comes to the fear of not "measuring up", the cold hard facts are that no matter who you are, there will always be more attractive people out there. Maybe one person in 1,000 is so attractive that they never have to worry about this.

So you can either fight an unwinnable battle of worrying about it, or you can do the best you can, be happy with yourself, and have fun. I recommend the latter.

Winter Garden FL
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Thank you, lovetowatch. I would say the same about you from the photos you attached to your profile. You are already a very lovely woman.

Since I started this thread over 2 years ago, I've come to the realization that success in conquering our own doubts about how attractive we are to others involves nurturing our self-confidence and the belief that we are already sexy, beautiful people. Being able to take the focus off your imperfections, embracing the wonderful parts of you while engaging in attentive interactions with other people makes the difference. More than likely, the people you meet will have similar insecurities (am I too thin, too fat, too short, too tall, too light, too dark, too gray, too ugly, too pretty, genitally too small or too big, too hairy, too shaved, too old, too young, too shy, too bold, too buff, too soft, etc.) and will appreciate others who see past all of that negative self talk, willing to determine whether there is a sexual chemistry between you that has little to do with appearance. Of course, you will only be able to pull this off if you are willing to accept others' "imperfections," and there may be some things from the list that are absolutely non-negotiable.

A positive attitude will go a very long way and will open many doors for you. For all of us, exercise and eating right are always good choices, but so is rejecting criticism. You are moving in a positive direction, with a foreseeable goal, where criticism can weigh you down and slow your momentum. Keep your chin up, be proud of what you are already doing to improve your health, and know that your self-confidence will attract others like bees to honey.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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In my experience Sassy, you don't really need to "market" yourself. A handful of pics will suffice. The guys/couples that are into it, know that they're into it. If they come across your profile, they'll let you know. If you're looking for a more aggressive approach, check out some of the groups in your area. There's bound to be one that fits you.

Toledo OH
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SSS -- welcome to the Forums! You'll find Piitsburgh a very BBW friendly swinging community.

Feel free to email me directly

Pittsburgh PA
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So I am new to this and enjoy it...but I am bigger girl...how do you (for a lack of better terms) market yourself???

Pittsburgh PA
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hahahaha! The good thing about me is, arguments tend to be very quick LOL


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"Well I don't know about anyone else, but Scandal's last post give me wood. :)

Bikerdude"

Thanks, man! Glad you liked it. ;-)

Sheboygan Falls WI
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My wife has always had a hard time flirting with women,Even after all these years, And when she does try to complement a women the rarely say thank you and almost never return the complement. Especially when we go to the clubs,one of the reasons we are sick of going to swing clubs. non lifestyle women tend to be much more respective,Hell vanilla women even tend to be more receptive to me flirting with them than lifestyle women. She never was one to hang out with the girls, she's was always more of a tomboy.And finds it much more rewarding to flirt with men."

OMG thank you. I agree with this so much. Esp. about lifestyle chicks thinking the fucking world revolves around their pussy. Went to a ls club and was in the restroom, washing my hands. Im a polite person and I always look for things to compliment because i know it feels good. I looked at her, smiled and said thank goodness, its Saturday! She did not smile, nor did she look up. She said "yes it is." I was going to tell the fake looking bitch to fuck herself...but im on this trying to be nice kick. Ugly ass bitch, genetics robbed her ass.........acting ugly does not help her out a bit.


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TOPIC: BBW and Self-Image