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single males issue : Swingers Discussion 435271021
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TOPIC: single males issue
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Another reason swingers don't do cheaters?

Drama. No one wants the other to become a drama situation.

Glen Burnie MD
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yawn

Amsterdam NY
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>All in all, if your spouse doesn't know about, or doesn't approve of you swinging, then it can be nothing but cheating.

>Maybe swingers are more adamant about cheating because real cheaters give the rest of us a bad name. Cheaters take it on the side for their own selfish needs, they don't share with their spouse, WE Do, that's the difference.

Thank you... that pretty much sums it up.

Columbia MD
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If it makes anyone feel better, the games some single males will play aren't reserved exclusively to swinger sites. I have a very close girlfriend who is recently single after many years of monogamous marriage. When she first ventured into dating, Bacchus and I expressed concern over some naivete. Several weeks ago she joined the matchmaker site. She has me log in as her periodically to read mails and review pics. Oh my!!!!! A lot of the same stuff happens. Guys looking for phone/webcam sex. The ones who are obviously really married, lies about age on and on. She and I get quite the giggles. However, since she is also interested in the lifestyle, I am quick to warn her that we've run up against the same games with couples and single females.

Saint Augustine FL
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I certainly didn't mean to imply that the decision to divorce was a simple one or that it be made lightly.

But if the home situation is so intolerable that someone feels that they "must" cheat, then it's time to have that dreaded conversation with your spouse. Decide if the marriage is worth saving and seek help, or decide that it's best to end the relationship and seek a divorce. If one or both of you is THAT miserable with no hope of relief, why continue in the relationship?

Will it be messy? Yes. Will it be painful? Yes. Will you each have a fresh start at a new relationship? Yes.

Columbia MD
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As i have said before, we never play with cheaters. For us it is not all about a morals call. In most cases people that are cheating are not doing it because of a lack of sex at home. It most times comes from a lack of communication that over time results in one or both , to make it simple , are lonely. So the person subcontiously is seeking companionship and intimacy. One of the sad things is that they seldom find this in a cheating situation and it often even leaves them feling worse for it as they now have feelings of guilt to add to their problems.It is easy to be on the outside looking in on these things and just say that if you are not finding at home with your own spose what you need that you just need to devorse them and move on. If you have ever been in this situation yourself then you know there is a whole lot more to it than that, there are feelings of failer , children , and often finantial things that add into the picture too.In my case with my first wife, i was not cheating but i for sure was lonly, there were kids in the picture and she had me so emotionally beat down that i couldnt put much sense into anything i was doing. I know when i finally got the gazoonga's enough to say im through, i had excepted that i would spend the rest of my life alone and even more lonly in some ways than i was with her. I couldnt at the time imagine why anyone welse would want me, i felt i was a total failiyer to her and my kids. Well, i have been with my second wife for ten years now. She still worships the ground i walk on for some reason and i feel like the luckiest man in the world. If i had to make a choice between sex and that feeling i get every night when i go to bed and she snuggles up to me , i would take the snuggles. If sex was any better than what we have together i am pretty sure it would be lethal, but those snuggles? ,,,no words to describe them! So what im trying to say is, i do feel for those that have problems with there spose , but we dont need the drama and we dont really feel like we are helping anyone out by being an eccesory to the crime. But when one of the cheaters contacts us and wants to talk on yahoo chat or something and the first thing he asks my wife is were is your hubby right now? or trys to get her to 'sneak' out and meet him, well ,i am not very understanding anymore. We get this type more than a few times every week.We get a fair share of contact from cheating wives too, the diffrence being that their story most times sounds very justified, they are much more convincing than the men. And no, we dont play with cheating girls either, no matter how good their story or how nice the booty is.

Repton AL
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patogether, you're right. It doesn't necessarily have to be discussed and agreed to before the wedding, but it DOES need to be discussed and agreed to at some point. If husband and wife are BOTH happy and comfortable with the situation, then it's a non issue. These problems only come up when one partner arbitrarily changes the rules without discussion with, or consent of the other.

Columbia MD
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> when talking about other couples that they don't even know.

You're right... it was completely out of line for L_and_P to say "I somehow seriously doubt that when you proclaimed that." They don't know us at all. MY statements were made completely based on his/their acknowledgement that they were cheating on their spouses on on their marriage vows and what that entails.

>But I have been in the other situation, with a woman that proclaimed the same but who didin't know herself well enough to be able to live the life.

Which is why, as you've stated, you're on your second marriage. Trying to make a marriage work requires cooperation and a common mindset on certain issues. If those two things don't exist, it's unfair to both parties to continue the charade. Divorce may be painful, but living inside a long term relationship where both halves of the couple aren't happy is, IMHO, a lot more painful... for them and for everyone else around them.

>I guess that I am trying to say that one shouldn't judge others unless one has walked in their shoes.

Sorry... constantly lying to my spouse (which is what cheating is) isn't a path I intend to walk.

Columbia MD
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>MrOrwell_n_MrsO, state that they made a commitement to love, honor and cherish each other and have kept that promise. I somehow seriously doubt that when you proclaimed that, and I will go further, that 99.9999% of us who proclaim that at our wedding ceremony would consider, or even dream that having sex with others in the context of our marriages would consider that action as loving, honoring and cherishing each other.

And, not surprisingly, you would be wrong... Prior to our marriage we sat down and talked... REALLY talked... about our relationship. We talked about physical attraction to other couples and our emotional bond to each other. We had this conversation over several months. At the end of that time, we were completely, 1000000%, in agreement that we had no jealousy and no insecurities about having an open relationship. We have been together for 23 years and married for 18. Our marriage is as loving and open and trusting now as it was more than two decades ago. Granted, most couples don't have that kind of conversation before they are married, but they DO have it at some point before entering the lifestyle. And that's the key point... it's a CONVERSATION... an agreement... a meeting of minds on how they, AS A COUPLE, interpret their marriage vows. It is NOT one partner arbitrarily declaring their marriage vows null and void just to get a piece of ass on the side.

You are projecting your own inability to live up to the commitment (the one you made to your spouse) on to others to bolster your excuse for cheating. It's no different than a shoplifter saying "well, EVERYBODY does it, why are you picking on me?," when they've been caught.

I'll be blunt... I don't believe that a "couple" that consists of two cheating spouses can be completely trusted, inside the lifestyle or outside of it. Each of that pair has already shown that they are willing to deceive others for their own gratification on a continuing basis. They have shown that they take the easy way out and lie, rather than face the harsh reality and consequences of their actions. And, as you've clearly shown us, they are willing to "spread the blame" to minimize their own shortcomings.

If your marriage is to the point where you feel you must cheat, then your marriage is over in all but name. In the long run, you are intentionally inflicting unnecessary pain on someone else for your own gratification. There is no excuse for that. Bite the bullet, accept the consequences of your actions and file for divorce.

Columbia MD
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It's not the male who bring "pussy" to the table. It's the Female who brings the male.

The "pussy" you need for entrance insures that you at least have passed one woman's criteria. It's to weed out exactly the kind of jerks that make quality single males look bad.

Women tend to buffer some males inability to act in an adult manner in a sexual situation. That's why swingers try for 1:1 That's why the costs are higher. A $100.00 fee selects for men of means. Hopefully means= polite, older, gentlemen.

I can think of 5 men I would bring to the table. I prefer to bring women. I am responsible for the men I bring. These men have proven themselves. Two of them are single gentlemen from this site.

Referring to a potential female partner as "pussy" denotes an attitude that is not attractive.

Women control swinging. Women choose who to bring to the dance. It reflects on her how her guy behaves.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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TOPIC: single males issue