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single males issue : Swingers Discussion 435271011
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TOPIC: single males issue
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" Perhaps they have nice home lives."

I guess this is subjective. I hope doc, you didn't, for your own purpose, expect to define it as anything but. I do respect "L" for saying what he thinks and how he lives.

Saint Augustine FL
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Curious, is it only Daddy that leaves?

Saint Augustine FL
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>Mr.Orwell_n_Mrs.O seem to feel that it's either complete loyalty or get a divorce.

Don't put words in to my mouth... I said "But if the home situation is so intolerable that someone feels that they "must" cheat, then it's time to have that dreaded conversation with your spouse. Decide if the marriage is worth saving and seek help, or decide that it's best to end the relationship and seek a divorce. If one or both of you is THAT miserable with no hope of relief, why continue in the relationship? "

You gave some more information in your last post that clarifies the situation a bit... You said you have both been having affairs. While "cheating on each other" certainly doesn't win any awards in my book, the fact that you two have "mutually agreed" to this is at least mitigating.

But, as others have pointed out, you're doing your kids no favor by staying in an angry, unhappy marriage. Kids aren't stupid. They know what's going on. All you're teaching them is that mommy and daddy hate each other and that dishonesty and deceit gets you through life. Certainly not something I would want to teach my kids.

Columbia MD
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<Big smooch to Jim> your words always hit the spot on a sucky day :)

Hattiesburg MS
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Cherokee, don't beat yourself up for having made bad choices, even if they caused your children some pain.

When I was seeing a counselor after the breakup of my 1st marriage, he asked me all about my childhood and adolescent years. I knew he was probing about the kind of parenting I had received, but I told him about those years anyway.

Afterward, he said to me "Well, your parents are right there and easy targets. Either you were an only child and expected to be a little grownup, or you had too many siblings and didn't get enough attention. Either you were spoiled or you were deprived. But do you REALLY think when your parents brought you home from the hospital they turned to each other and said HERE'S LITTLE JIMMY. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN REALLY SCREW HIM UP!"

It sure made his point, didn't it? We all, as parents, do the BEST WE KNOW HOW TO DO. If we knew how to be better parents, or how to make better decisions, we would have done it.

You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. That's all anyone can ask.

The thing now is to talk to your children and acknowledge that you made mistakes, made some bad decisions, and maybe weren't there for them like you wish you had been. I did that with my daughter about a dozen years ago in a tearful long distance phone conversation, and her reply was "Dad, it's OK. I just needed for you to acknowledge that."

Ever since then we have had the most wonderful, loving father-daughter relationship, even though she's an adult now.

Give your kids a chance to forgive you. You'll be surprised how much they appreciate your acknowledging that you weren't always the best dad and how quickly they will forgive you. And you'll feel a lot better yourself afterward, too!

South Riding VA
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I think i should add that i was not trying to judge you . While cheating was not involved in my first marriage , to say that i did everything the right way or that i was faultless sure wasnt the case either.Someone told me long ago that before i could make anyone else happy i first needed to learn how to be happy myself. I have found this to be true in dealing with my wife, my children and even my friends. I do have very strong feelings about all this, but only because i have known the pain that you go through in a bad marrage and because of the pain i caused my older children to go through because of my bad choices.

Repton AL
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Unless you truly enjoy martyrdom, staying in an unfulfilling marriage makes no sense if you have exhausted your options of increased openness and communication and outside professional counseling help, all to no avail.

You only get one journey through this life, and if you are unhappy and/or unfulfilled, only YOU are responsible for making the changes in your life that are necessary for your happiness or fulfillment.

Kids are FAR better off with happy, fulfilled, DIVORCED parents than with unhappy, unfulfilled, angry, depressed parents. Of course you should make every reasonable attempt to resolve your marital issues, but in the end divorce may be necessary.

Leaving a bad marriage is sometimes the only way to make yourself happy again and to have a chance to start a new, more fulfilling life. Your kids would far rather see you be happy and fulfilled than stay in a bad marriage for THEIR sake, which can only lead to their feeling guilty and responsible for you living a miserable, unhappy existence.

It takes TWO people, trying their best, to make a marriage happy and fulfilling. No matter how hard you try, if your partner doesn't also give it his/her best there is no way you can make a marriage work by yourself.

In an ideal world, we'd all meet and fall in love with our soulmate at a young age and have incredibly happy, fulfilling marriages of 60 years or more. Unfortunately the world isn't ideal, and you have to make the best of it.

The key is to know when you have tried hard enough and long enough, and to leave only then. In reality, most people who have been through divorce recognize that they stayed in a doomed marriage far longer than they should have. But you don't want to give up too soon on a marriage that could become fulfilling and happy after all.

Only the individuals involved can judge when that point of decision to leave has been reached. The rest of us should not criticize them, but sympathize with them and wish them all success in forging a new life that will make them happy and fulfilled.

As you can see from the criticism of those who love to tell others what they should or shouldn't do, you will always be criticized for leaving a marriage. What do YOU care? It's YOUR life, not the crtic's life, and you get just one time through it. Be responsible and make your journey a happy one, either in your marriage or by leaving it. A happy person can touch other people's lives in so many wonderful ways. An unhappy person cannot.

Be all that you can be. Hopefully with your spouse, but if necessary, on your own or perhaps down the road with a more suitable life partner.

South Riding VA
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Staying in a bad relationship just for you children can be far more harmfull to them than getting a diivorce is. Children learn many things about relationships from their parents examples and many children catch on to their parents cheating long before the spouse does. There are no good or easy answers for bad relationships or broken marriges but im quite sure cheating is not one of them. Useing the kids as a way to justify it seems rather silly to me.

Repton AL
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"If the price for staying in a sexless, loveless, uncarring marriage is to cheat, or do anything short of divorce, then paying that price is far superior to just blowing off the stability of a married family entity, and all the benefits that provides for our kids, simply because either of the spouses is looking for sex, love, or fulfillment. "

Listen, your business and not for me to judge. But the way you describe your marriage, you honestly think creates a healthy environment for your children? L <who thinks all children should be raised in an environment that includes sex, love and caring among the adults so that they will grow up to seek the same>

Saint Augustine FL
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Are u saying that people are bored that I'm bored by this boring thread?

Amsterdam NY
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TOPIC: single males issue