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regret and emotional fallout : Swingers Discussion 190239
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TOPIC: regret and emotional fallout
Created by: packagedeal4203 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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If your talking to me? Yes I do understand about all the work in marrage. We have been married 24 years 4 kids 1 grandson and 1 grand daughter on the way, Its been a long hard road with both good and bad times,Mostly good, What Im saying and I also will stick to it,Is if tana gets to the point of where she dont want it much,,thats fine,BUT!!! That shit of a few drinks at another place and all of a suden ready to fuck another,JUst want work...Thats all I am saying. I do not know much about thier situation,but something just dont add up Mickey.

Rayne LA
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I have a hard time ever understanding what you're really trying to say, Mickey, but...sure?

Somewhere down the line someone got the impression love and marriage is a magic union requiring no effort. Someone was fucking wrong. It takes work, work and more work. Doesn't mean it's a sentence. Doesn't mean it's always HARD work, but effort and dedication nonetheless. And not just to being faithful, not just to living together. But to being faithful to ALL aspects of your marriage. To WORKING TOGETHER.

If what I said doesn't make sense to you, I wonder why you swing at all.

I stand by what I said.

Concord CA
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I am not saying this to be an ass,But I just cant see my wife meds or not,, not wanting to fuck me but will let loose with another because its something difrent,,If that is the case I can say also that its time for me to plow a new row right? I just do not buy that. If my wife was not into fucking me,but after a few is all of the suden ready to fuck someone else,,I guess its just me, but I think we would have to end either swinging or our relationship. Again,,Just my thoughts.

Mickey.

Rayne LA
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Deerhunters,

While I agree with previous sentiments that swinging is not healthy in your relationship RIGHT NOW, it SOUNDS like perhaps your wife enjoys the thrill of the "new", "unknown" and being desired by someone who has no "obligation" to be.

I understand she's on medication which is warping her sex drive. I understand alcohol is acting as liquid courage at these events and allowing her to let loose. Perhaps, in addition to EXTENDED dialogue between the two of you, and complete removal from any participation in swinging until there's resolution and understanding between the two of you, you could recreate the environment for her- and only her. For you as a couple. Her sex drive is hindered by her medication, but even without medication, our desire waivers during the course of our cycles, our hormones and stress levels play a serious role in how easily we will become aroused. You're going to have to try to think out of the box, be patient and understanding and genuinely desire HER. Once you (re)connect as a couple, swinging may be plausible. But until then, it could very well solidify your separation.

Concord CA
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The one time I really regretting joining in with a couple was once when it became obvious that he was driving the situation and she wasn't really into it. It seemed like she was just going along in order to please him but wasn't really that interested in playing. It was obvious she wasn't enjoying the situation so that really put the damper on my enjoyment. I'm not the sort that can just get mine at someone else's expense, I guess I'm a pleaser at heart and if she isn't having fun and I can sense that, it isn't going to be any fun for me, either.

San Jose CA
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The one time we played , this wife kept looking over and giving him the evil eye. Talk about uncomfortable! I felt so sorry for the guy.

omg i think we were with that couple too lol. she kept asking if he was ok. he was ok until she kept asking, then not so good.

Philadelphia PA
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We have played in same room except one time,I was ok with that,But the not at home for me,but will have a few then wana fuck another but not in same room,would not work for me at all,,Just my thoughts.

Mickey.

Rayne LA
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KInd, maybe I am reading this wrong , but just because his wife does not want to be in the same room , it might just be her preference NOT a red flag . Just because you like it , doesnt mean ALL ladies do. Perhaps she tried it with him there and did not fully enjoy herself. Why have sex with another person if you can not be yourself and totally have fun? If my husband asked to have separate room play with someone because me watching made him uncomfortable , we would try it. If then we both liked it ,then fine. The one time we played , this wife kept looking over and giving him the evil eye. Talk about uncomfortable! I felt so sorry for the guy. Not saying that this man does this , but it happens. Just being watched can bring a girlie boner down.

Augusta NJ
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Does your wife have children to care for at home thus she does not drink while at home ? I know I NEVER drink if I have a child to tend to. Actually , I hardly drink at home at all. When we go out I drink if I am not the DD. If we have a room , I drink. It is nice to have a few when I know I have no responsibilities that night ( kids)

Not to be nosy but if she is on medication is she suppose to drink?

Maybe she likes separate rooms because she finds it hard to enjoy herself if she is being watched by you and the other mans wife ( or just by you ) It might bother her and make her very uncomfortable. Some couples that play never play in the same room but are very much in love.

Ok enough of me jabbering ( I have had 6 cups of coffee so far this am)

You should sit down with your wife and tell her exactly how you feel. The longer you wait the more upset you are going to get. That is no good for you or your marriage.If you still are not happy with the answers you hear, take a step back from swinging for a little while. Re-evaluate then decide what you two really want to do.It could be that this is just not your thing. Nothing wrong with that . Good Luck.

Augusta NJ
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Ok here's my situation,we have been in the ls for three yrs now and I still choke knowing my wife is pleasuring another man.Although she has no problem allowing me to play anytime I want.Do to the meds she takes her sex drive is low and our sex life at home suffers,if she has a few to drink she can be fun and relaxed and we do alot more,here lays the problem,she just wont drink if were alone,but at the m&g's she is having a good time,drinking and is mored turned on then usual,it hurts me to see her want someone else when she dont even ask for it at home.I dont have a problem if I choose the man and feel comfy with it but with someone I feel uncomfy with is where the fear lies,Im affraid she will want to do with them that she wont otherwise do for me.I want her to enjoy herself and We have talked about it,about certain men she want to persue.She says she wont but I have witnessed this at.a.recent pool party after to many drinks.I know the guy,he is truly in love with his partner but it chokes me to see her act this way with him and not me.Maybe its the alcohol,but the unknown is what bothers me.She refuses to play as a.cpl in the same room,tells me she cant do it.Which makes me think she wants to cut loose behind closed doors with someone other then me.Dont know what to do,all the input I get can help me see if its my hangup or I have a.legitimate concern,thanks folks.

Camden Wyoming DE
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TOPIC: regret and emotional fallout