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FORUMS › General Discussions › 3-Some › kids finding out about your life style
TOPIC: kids_finding_out_about_your_life_style
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I had a girlfriend some time ago who used to call my cell and leave cute little nasty messages, including what the two of us were going to do that weekend with another couple or a single guy. Well, I would never reciprocate when I called her home and got her machine for a good reason...I never knew who might listen to the message. (I rarely called her at work or on her cell at all and never left messages because she was a very busy senior executive type and always in the company of others.)

Point is, I called her place one day and no answer. I was going to leave a cute message but did not. I just left a short, "hi, i'll be in san jose next week for a couple days and wonder if you will be free for dinner on thursday or friday? Call my cell, please." Good thing. Her grown son was staying with her that week, but did not answer her phone. Had I left an intimate message, it would have told him things he had no business knowing about.

She always said her son would ask probing questions occasionally, and her reply was always, "I am a single woman and what I do privately is just that! Mind your own business! I don't quiz you about your private, intimate affairs and I never will. For you to inquire after mine is disrespectful and creepy. Mind your manners!" ....(or close to all that, anyway.).

But the phrases, "I don't quiz you... " and " ...disrespectful and creepy" are spot-on accurate to what she said and I agree with them completely

In my opinion, you do not owe anyone an "honest" answer, or even a dishonest answer, regarding these things and discussing these intimate affairs with anyone who you do not do them with is only opening the door for problems for yourself.

It IS disrespectful for anyone, never mind your kid, to demand answers to questions regarding your private, intimate relations. In my opinion, you should ask your kid to leave and don't come back if they can't behave in a respectful manner toward you.

San Luis Obispo CA
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When it comes to my sexual escapades outside of my relationship I'd rather err on the side of caution. I also see no benefit to sharing what goes on in my bedroom or yours . My acquaintances see me as free spirit who thinks outside the box, my children confide in me about things I'd sometimes rather not know , I have one bestie who knows me inside and out and everyone is left to guess, ponder or ignore me. I'm quite comfortable remaining a mystery. Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Please don't personalize our posts. If they hit too close for your comfort I am truly sorry.

As some of you are idealistic about about your Lifestyle and honesty/openness there are zealots holding the other point of view. Quite frankly there are twenty of them for every one of us. In the real world that makes them the winners.

I hate to get religious but I think it's funny and applicable. Over (I think) 4000 years ago it was written in the book of Proverbs (I think) "even a fool appears wise when he keeps his mouth shut". Don't bother challenging me. I'm not going to research that further, but that expression hung in my office for years.

Pasadena CA
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"If you run your mouth too much and choose not to put out for your employer..."

Well, then I guess you'll have one hell of a sexual harassment lawsuit to win. Believe it or not, corporate rights don't always overrule individual rights.

I can understand how someone in a small community could be adversely affected by narrow minds, but guess what? America isn't 100% small communities. Some of us live in areas so huge that you're just another anonymous face in a sea of anonymity. I could probably walk down my neighborhood knocking on doors (I won't) telling each and every one of my neighbors that Mrs. Pervy and I like to screw other people, and about the only thing I'd get out of it is "Who are you, and why should I care?"

And we live in a housing development mostly full of old retired people.

Kalona IA
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" If you run your mouth too much, and you choose not to put out for your employer,.."

I could not follow the thread from this point on.

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I can't speak for Curt n Jane but I think it's safe to say that our posts were intended for the general reading audience and not one poster ispecifically. Comments are are usually food for thought or anectdotal. We older folks have learned we don't have all the answers. In fact I'm not sure tomorrow I'll remember the question.

Coeur D Alene ID
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What it comes down to is really quite simple, my children are grown and gone. I no longer have an employer. If you have children, and you run your mouth too much you can have your children taken away. Do not underestimate the power of the school principals recommendation to child protective services. If you run your mouth too much, and you choose not to put out for your employer, you can almost certainly kiss your ass goodbye.

I can hardly believe what I'm reading.

Pasadena CA
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I remember the invincability of youth. What Sav said rings true. There are a lot of unexpected changes and turns in life's journey and I feel fortunate to have survived the high risk taking years and mistakes that went with it. Would'nt change a thing and own it all but also realize so much of what I thought I was sure about in my youth has evaporated. Playing it safe can be dull and uninvigorating but a little caution is sometimes wise.

Coeur D Alene ID
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i'm retired and at an age where I don't care too much what people think but my wife has a very public job and would be affected negatively in her work. Thus we don't put face pics or tell our neighbors, co-workers, family etc. I would put my face pics on but it would out the wife. Being only known to our lifestyle friends is good enough. The shared secrecy even adds to the fun.

Coeur D Alene ID
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"I tend to not care what people think of me in that regard. If you want to gossip about me, that says a lot about what kind of person you are. Karma. I'm not saying I'm going to run around broadcasting, but if the subject comes up, I'm not going to lie unless I have a damn good reason to."

No offense intended but you comments on the topic are really the first time I feel your opinion is a reflection of your youth. I don't think you realize the potential ramifications of the wrong person becoming aware of your lifestyle. Friends, even what appear to be great friendships don't always last forever. An ex friend is a potential powder keg of explosive information. I'm sure you've had at least one bad experience where someone you thought you could trust stabbed you in the back .Your job could be affected or something as silly as volunteering to be a Big Brother/ Big Sister. I was young and idealistic once too , I had the same attitude of not caring what others think but didn't comprehend the bigger picture or sometimes the consequences of my actions. I still have that attitude but that doesn't mean I need to put my lifestyle in your face tempting you to judge me. I am happy you are excited for this journey but I caution you to be careful who you tell what to and to think through the very worse case scenario of the wrong person finding out before you make any rash announcements and bare your soul.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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TOPIC: kids finding out about your life style
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