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dealing with guilt : Swingers Discussion 39969
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TOPIC: dealing with guilt
Created by: fredcpl4u The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Erotic, I tried to get on to that site and instead got sent to another site that showed some pretty intresting machine...are you sure that is the correct site.

Miramar FL
 
 
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Jealousy is normal. It's what you do with it that causes problems. Why not act it out? Role play. Imagine he has been out and comes home. He did it with your permission. Now put yourself in that mindset. What would you be thinking? What would you say? Have him describe a situation.

Ask yourself while you are going through this.. What does this behavior benefit me? What am I afraid of?

In other words, find the questions behind the behavior. Answer those. Your behavior will change by reminding yourself of the answers...not the questions.

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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uppps ,the guilt was to strong ,well they did not belong in the life style if they felt that way

Somers NY
 
 
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If they left the site, sounds like the "guilt" got the better of them. Sorry to hear that, but it happens

Albany GA
 
 
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Just a comment on therapists...

An ethical therapist will put their own judgements aside and determine what their clients want. If a therapist feels that they can't in good conscience support or help a client because of their behaviors or choices, then he or she has an ethical obligation to refer that client to another therapist, being clear about the fact that they don't feel qualified or able to be helpful in that situation.

It's never about the therapist. Client self-determination is key. Sometimes, a therapist provides a counter-opinion for a client, but always with the intent of providing a different point of view for the client to consider, never to impose their own values. That's bad therapy.

If a client went to a therapist to deal with issues of guilt over swinging, the job of the therapist is to help the client uncover the intrapsychic and environmental/systemic reasons underlying that guilt, and then decide for him or herself whether swinging is the right choice for that client. As long as the client isn't hurting anyone else, there's no duty to warn or reason to impose the therapist's own moral standards here.

L.

Ithaca NY
 
 
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Not to stop the discussion but to redirect it so that it is no longer a question that the original poster is expected to answer, did anyone else notice that they are no longer members of the site? Zo

Fort Worth TX
 
 
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With interest iread the original post. Nancy......... an affair that is harmful (i.e. a partner playing without the others knowledge) is cheating and adulterous. If your significant other knows and approves its a door of self discovery for you to go thru. With swinging taboo's wriiten long ago are gone into for the sake of pleasure. Its not adultary...it is love to let your significant feel the ultiimate in pleasures and its a gift from each other to another. I think perhaps your guilt may be that you like it so much therefore it must be wrong. True faith doesn't judge and if a married couple wants to share the most ultimate gft.....go for it, seize and hold on to the bliss. Pray for your answers and don't do what feels wrong and remember guilt is a sin against yourself and the pleasure the creator has given you and all. You can be religous and swing and actually its great that in my faith Mother/father God wants us to live well, be good to each other and share in all things. Life is good and pleasure is a gift fro the creator! You only judge yourself to the point of guilt. You contol your faith and beliefs. Enjoy life!

Tallahassee FL
 
 
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Personal aside.... ignore the picture next to the post (lol thinking of Wizard of Oz) the comments are serious even if we are not always that way.

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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Most local lifestyle organizations would have a list of lifestyle friendly therapists who can talk through the many feelings.

Remember, not all expressed truths are the real deal. Scapegoating religion is an easy out when the true issue is we don't want to face is jealousy, personal insecurity, or other problems having nothing to do with guilt. People under stress often fall back on religion as a crutch.

Take a break... get a lifestyle friendly counselor... rebuild the strength of your core relationship...let her guide you back here, or not.

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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It's too bad they don't know a good therapist who would help her out, IF she really did want to work beyond feeling guilty. Maybe she doesn't WANT to be in this lifestyle or work past the guilt; only she knows that.

The teenaged son of a couple we know found pictures of his mom and dad doing things with other people. He was so upset that they got him therapy. The therapist told the son, "Your parents are adults. They didn't do anything wrong. They are allowed to express their sexuality the way they want to. As long as it's not breaking the law or hurting anyone, then they can do it."

I thought, "Wow, where did they find this therapist?" I wonder how many therapists would be judgemental and try to get the parents to "behave"?

Reading PA
 
 
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TOPIC: dealing with guilt