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FORUMS General Discussions 3-Some What is up with single guys!!
TOPIC: What is up with single guys!!
Created by: TandEinAZ
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hey everyone, I need to do a little bit of a newbie rant, but I’m really looking for advice from you folks… especially those who have been in the lifestyle for a while.

Wow, so what is up with single guys? We are brand new to the lifestyle and were hoping to ease into things with a FF (with SO’s present) or FFM. We were contacted by a younger guy (mid 20’s) who prefers mature women and has a nice profile. We were going to say “no thanks” but my wife thought he was cute, so we decided to see where this guy is coming from. He has always been very pleasant and respectful but didn’t seem to put much effort into his emails… kind of answered direct questions but can’t seem to do anything with open ended questions or freely offer information about himself so we can get to know him. We’re not sure what to make of it because he kind of comes across as either guarded (which I can understand to a point), perhaps a bit aloof, or he really doesn’t care if we ever meet. I’m a pretty straight-forward guy so I even wrote a fairly lengthy email to him to give him my perspective on things so far, gave him a good idea of how to SEDUCE my wonderful wife, and encouraged him to put some real effort into his emails. I really tried to not sound pushy and just state the facts as we see them, because we both felt the kid needed a little help with the seduction part. We most definitely are not trying to play games but we need to get a good idea if this guy is the right one for us. He has said a couple of times he’s not pushy, and that is good… we’ve already learned how persistent some single males can be! However, there is a big difference between pushy and contributing to a conversation that allows a woman to get to know a possible future sex partner. Sheesh, is that too much to ask? It’s almost as if he has plenty of women throwing themselves at him, so he couldn’t care less about my wife. Lets face it… a woman in a MFM wants to be the center of attention and we both feel that begins WAY before we ever get to the bedroom! She has to feel that the guys REALLY want her… and are focused on HER!

We aren’t Ken and Barbie, but we certainly aren’t repulsive either! LOL! I don’t get it. My wife was very seriously considering a MFM with him, but he seems to act like she’s not worth the effort. The last email she wrote to him, she was very tired (it’s been a long and busy week) and wanted to go to sleep but she wanted to keep the conversation moving forward. After she wrote him, she told me how aroused she was and her pussy was very wet. Once she told me that, I knew she is ready to meet this guy and if the chemistry was right, she would definitely do him. However, his response back answered a direct question but didn’t really offer anything new. Does he even remember that long email I wrote? I handed him plenty of info to work with! We most definitely are NOT looking at putting notches on the bed post, but my wife has to feel a connection with another person before she jumps in the sack with them!

I tell you what, when I was young and single I put everything I had into getting to know women and trying to seduce them. I think I was pretty typical… put in a LOT of time and effort and did okay, but never had any where near the success I had wanted! LOL!! We’re on the verge of telling him “no thanks” and moving on. We’re also seriously considering doing the “NO SINGLE MEN” thing like so many other couples do.

As we’ve read many times, this is a numbers game. I realize this guy doesn’t know if we are real or not (we most certainly are!!!) but he has a great opportunity to be the first guy my wife has been with (besides me, of course) in the last 20 years.

Maybe we’re just stupid newbie’s and don’t understand how these things go. We don’t want to make a faux pas and miss out on a guy my wife likes, but we don’t want to make a mistake either. I don’t know… are our expectations too high?

T

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Well at least your getting some response ! Being single on this site hasen't payed off for me ..No takes ..Am i that ugly !

West Palm Beach FL
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Sounds like a talker. Would rather talk about meeting than actually meeting. Maybe gets off on being asked to join you.

Just move on. There are others who are serious.

Albany GA
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Uriah - More great advice. Thank you!

"Don't get discouraged". We most definitely won't. We are fully committed to being in the lifestyle!

"take your time". Well, okay... if we must. LOL!

"if something is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow." Right on!

Anthem AZ
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Follow these rules to get what you want:

1. In my area, there are a handful of single males who are referred to as "professional". We understand the dynamics of recreational sex, and we are all over 35.

2. Go to your local swing club and ask for referrals for the local single males. Don't go fishing on the internet.

3. Meet first at a local lounge to discuss what you are looking for, and to see if you click with your contact.

4. Don't get discouraged; take your time; if something is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.

Memphis TN
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Triple -

Well, the "What is up with single men" was a loaded statement. Haha, no pun intended! Seriously it was only a bit of frustration talking and no disrespect was intended toward single males, specifically or in general. We absolutely understand that every single guy does not fall into the same category.

You said "You are obviously newbies that got a taste of being burned for the first time, in so far as dealing with ONE single 25 YO male." Well, yes, we certainly are newbies (dammit)! However, I don't think we feel "burned", just frustrated... that's why I came to this forum... to get some help and make sure we were going about this the proper way.

"Males in their mid 20's...well, you were that age once, remember? A red flag if ever there was one." This is absolutely true and my wife and I discussed it quite a bit. We thought perhaps he was mature for his age and therefore we would see where his head was at. I guess he told us what we wanted to know without saying anything, but we weren't listening. Live and learn... or re-learn, as the case may be. LOL!

"Telling him how to seduce your wife (before he asked you) was a HUGE mistake. After you eagerly offered him the "roadmap to success" routine, he was turned off." Yes, in hind-sight it was a mistake. As you said, I was that age once too, so I guess I tried to help the youngster along a little bit. Sure wish I had someone teaching me the ropes when I was younger!! I'm not sure if he was turned off, he is still pleasant in subsequent emails, but it may have offended him. It certainly wasn't meant to offend. Anyway, lesson learned!

"You were not patient in my view." True, but never having done this before we didn't know how how things *should* go. Damn stupid newbies! :-)

You offered us a lot of good straight-forward info. Thank you very much for taking the time to help us out!

We promise to do better next time! LOL!

Anthem AZ
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What do you folks think about us adding the below paragraph to our profile? (Thanks for the tip, Amy). I hope it doesn't come across as arrogant... we're just trying to be straight with everyone. So, critique away! Thanks.

*********************************************************** SINGLE MEN PLEASE READ!!! If you contact us, PLEASE take the time to put together an INFORMATIVE email that tells us as much about yourself as you feel comfortable with... and more than what is in your profile. She needs to feel some sort of connection with you if she is to reply back. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression! LOL!! Oh, and she wants to see pics of you (public and private)… sorry, but no pics, no response. ***********************************************************

Anthem AZ
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Amy,

Thanks... some good advice that my wife and I can learn from.

We're not looking for long drawn-out email conversations either, but we were just trying to figure out if we should proceed to the step of a phone conversation. I think you're correct... my wife should speak with him on the phone.

Yes, everyone is different but I think even a friendship for casual sex is still a relationship. There has to be a connection otherwise the sex isn't as good. I guess I didn't explain myself well enough. We certainly realize it all just comes down to sex and no we aren't looking for a deep serious relationship. However, we both learned in our teen years that sex without some sort of connection isn't very good. We do not want a one night stand especially for her first MFM, but rather one that we can enjoy for a longer term... whatever that happens to be. Is that being unrealistic? Maybe. But that is what we would like to happen.

You said "I don't invest alot of time and energy in my lifestyle relationships. I save that energy for my S.O." I respect that and if you have been able to do that from day one, then that's great. We've read several online stories about bad experiences that resulted from people moving too quickly and not putting in the effort to find the right people for them. We were trying to avoid a bad experience... especially for the first time. We realize we will encounter them from time to time and view it as part of the lifestyle, but I guess we are trying to be extra careful the first time. Newbie mistake? Perhaps.

Again, thank you for your response. I posted our dilemma to get perspective from people with experience and make sure we weren't being unreasonable. Sounds like we might be. We'll work on that! LOL!

Anthem AZ
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TandEinAZ: Thanks! You may be newbies to Swing but you *aren't* newbies to relationships and people and communication. If someone can't provide for your *communication needs* then don't put any more effort into him than you would for any potential partner that is not showing attractive attributes. I applaud you two for giving this poor guy so much opportunity; but if one thing isn't working try something else. You both know that from your "real" life. Just apply everything you know about maintaining your own relationship(s) to finding something fulfilling in Swing.

Cleveland OH
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TreyDaddy,

Thanks for a single male perspective. I didn't think we were taking his reactions... or lack thereof... personally. Since we don't have a lot to work with I think we have to, right or wrong, make some kind of assumptions. And yes, my wife does accuse me of over-analyzing things! LOL!

We haven't spoken on the phone yet because we didn't feel we're quite there yet. I hear what you are saying about some people not being good with the written word, so point well taken. Perhaps wifey should talk with him on the phone and see where it goes.

As far as discarding all single males, it's not just our frustration with this situation. We've received quite a few emails and have both said WTF? A few presented themselves well, but the majority come across as just wanting a quick fuck to put a notch on the ol' bedpost. Maybe they aren't like that at all, however, their written words are pretty much all we have to go by when trying to make a "pass" or "proceed" decision. You stated "The point is you simply don't know what he is about.". Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! EXACTLY! That's what we are trying to find out!

So, as I said we're brand newbie's and just trying to figure it all out... but we'll get there! Damn newbies! LOL!

Anthem AZ
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Well, my first thought is the guy is in his mid 20's. He could have the maturity of your typical mid-20's guy; which is to say that of a 12 year old girl.

*chuckle*

Also, I think you are taking *his* reactions WAY too personally. You are making a *lot* of assumptions based on his behavior. Some people, God love 'em, just can't put two meaningful words together in a text medium. Did you guys ever talk to him on the phone? If not I almost guarantee it would have been a different experience. Did you ever meet just to meet and "check each other out"? Maybe he is a real social gadfly within the right setting. Or maybe he is an ass and is just waiting for you guys to "step up to the plate" and arrange a meeting/play date.

The point is you simply don't know what he is about. But I would hope *one* indifferent single male wouldn't cause you discard all of them. That would only show severe lack of perspective on your part.

So to answer your question "What is up with single guys!!?": The same thing that is up for everyone. We all want to connect but individually possess varied level of skill and ability in doing so.

Cleveland OH
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TOPIC: What is up with single guys!!