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What are couples truly looking for in a man for a threesome : Swingers Discussion 347931071
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TOPIC: What are couples truly looking for in a man for a threesome
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I think AB has a very good point. Sometimes it is just a matter of being at the right place at the right time. We do play with singles from time to time. And sometimes it is a spur of the moment thing.

When it is a spur of the moment thing I (female) look at who's online and who has contacted us previously (that I liked). Then, try to IM them to see if they are available/interested. Hence, being at the right place at the right time.

We don't look at men as a play toy for me. (Although that's not such a bad thing *wink*) But as an individual that we choose to share part of us with. And hope they reciprocate.

I know we are probably different than most couples because we do not usually contact single males first. The few times we did were not very successful. LOL So we'd rather choose from the ones who have sent us messages........well thought out messages and profiles.......or ones that I have chatted with and were attracted to. It is hard sometimes, too, because we do get a good many messages from single guys and only play with singles occasionally. So the messages/profiles that are well written and creative are the ones that catch my interest. Also the ones, after saying we might be interested but it could be a while, stay in touch. Not bug us, just say hi from time to time and chat ocassionally.

Clifton Heights PA
 
 
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Baldwin: Thinking of yourself as a guest may help. I wrote a post about being a "guest" in the bed of a couple. Good guests: -are careful to fit into the household routine. -Accept all boundaries. -Don't make demands, assumptions, or act selfish. -Accept all accommodations, allowances, use of the property with gratitude. -Bring small appropriate gifts. -Defer nonessential wants. -Wait for the hosts to take lead. -Take their cue from the same sex partner. -Bring their own personal supplies. -Leave (back off) before they wear out their welcome. -Never monopolize the facilities. -Ask permission before doing something not discussed.

Personally, I try to leave so the couple can bond over the experience. Some have wanted me to stay. I always try to leave before I have stayed very long. It's much better for the couple to ask you to stay, than to want you to go. This is about them, their relationship, their bond. You are not there as an object, however.. The idea of temporary guest is very valid. Try writing a profile with this idea in mind.

Mischief<--has an ongoing interest in a MFM..It's been awhile..

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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The following are generic statements, not meant to state a view on any particular individual.

Defining terms is important. And attitude alone has no positive or negative meaning. What are some attitudes that single males have (and need)? They might be aggressive in the workplace, and not be able to lose that on weekends. They might feel they have to be materially successful. They might, for their own self-worth, feel that their own problems or their inability to get all that they want, are due to the actions of others rather than of their own actions. In other words, they might refuse any responsibility for what happens to them (a luxery that couples who are responsible for each other and maybe even children, don't always have). They also might feel that being macho, acting tough, hiding weak emotions, bragging, etc, are necessary to portray a proper view of themselves.

These attitudes can be successful at work, but not necessarily on this site. So, then, it becomes a matter of perspective - how one views their own and others' attitudes. Some single males view themselves as equals in here. They aren't. They aren't equal to the husband, to the wife or to the couple. For them to be equal, there would have to be "an equality in consequences". There isn't.

All people in the lifestyle can face embarrassment if found out. Maybe even job loss. But, more, some couples face pregnancy AND, they put thier own relationship on the line. If they're parents, they have to be very concerned that their offspring aren't effected. If things work out poorly, a single guy can walk away. But a couple may very well find their relationship weakened. You can't compare embarrassment with the loss of a loving relationship. Successful single guys seem to understand this - and place a hefty amount of effort on insuring that the situation doesn't adversely effect the couples they are with.

Now, was that just a load of crap or what?

Upland CA
 
 
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This is interesting... And we understand that singles and couples view things in narrow terms that they are familair with. so we don't mean to insult, only to show a point.

WE said (a few posts down) "Changing the profile isn't enough. Couples will see right through it. What you need is a change of attitude and perspective."

In response, Baldwin said: "If I were to just write something that you ... would want to hear/read, that would be inaccurate"

So, were we unclear in what we wrote (as Baldwin viewed it as the opposite)? Or, is it just too painful for a lot of single males to consider they actually might have to change their attitudes/perspective to be successful in here?

Upland CA
 
 
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baldwin33333, for starts, your profile is all about what YOU want. Which is typical for most all the single guys in here. We've noted that the few successful single males focus more on what the couple wants.

Changing the profile isn't enough. Couples will see right through it. What you need is a change of attitude and perspective.

Reading the forums regarding single guys for awhile might help give you an idea of what we're more interested in.

Upland CA
 
 
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You are basically on base with your observations. Many couples looking for single men want someone THAT VERY MINUTE and if its going to take you longer than an hour to get to them (including deciding if you want to go) you are out of luck. If you can't stay as long as they want you to, you are out of luck. If you don't look like they want you to, you are out of luck. If something happens at the last minute and you have to cancel, you are out of luck.

Many couples just don't see single men as important enough to take time to look for them online. They rely on friends they believe won't get freaked out or too emotionally attached to them, or strangers they meet in clubs and can forget about until the next time they want a guy.

You best bet really is stop worrying about what couples want in general and concentrate on learning what individual couples want. Those couples that are willing to take the time to learn about you and not just tell you what criteria you must meet in order for them to meet you are the ones you want to know. They are few and far between, but the few out there will do more for you socially and sexually than any ten of the "these are our rules, lets go" couples. Some may even invite you to parties or escort you to clubs where you will have a chance to see single women and one of them may...

hey, being a single man involved in this lifestyle is more or less a pipe dream, so why not go for the gold! LOL Build friendships, and the sex will come.

Lansing MI
 
 
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We find that everyone is different and there are a variety of interests that can be fulfilled in an M/F/M relationship. We have had several long term gentleman friends we enjoyed in our bedroom as well as doing social things with; theatre, movie theatres, dancing, dining out, cook outs at home, hot tub, sunning, and just being togther. He would also take me on dates solo occasionally and on occasion I would go to the guy's apartment solo. I know that many, and perhaps most couples may just be looking for "sex and go" fun with a single guy, but I really enjoy attention from other guys and for them to lavish affection on me so I can be very loving to them in return. The more loving a man is to me the more of me he can have. I consider those friendships as true friendships as we exchange presents and cards during holidays and birthdays and stay in touch as in any non-swinging friendship. I just don't want the guy to be dependent on me (us) for all of his social needs, and I want him to respect that I do have a life with my loving husband an family so he must not need to dominate my time.

From the husband perspective; I am neither bi or gay, but I really enjoy my wife having a "boyfriend" over and seeing them being affectionate in the living room like two teenagers. I also find it exciting to watch them fucking, sucking, and kissing each other passionately. I also like to go down on her and fuck her while she is filled with his cum. Together she and I like 3some positions that have brought my mouth or hand in contact with his cock, so we try to find someone who is not homophobic. On the other hand if a he is squeamish about having another guy go down on him during and MFM 3 some we can always sense that and avoid it.

In a nutshell we are looking for a long term friendship with a single gentleman who needs a woman's, partime love in his life, who a couple to socialize with as well as have her sexually all he wants(within reason), and preferably someone who is not homophobic to receiving occasional oral-bi.

We would like to hear to hear from other couples with similar interests.

Lisa & Bob

Dallas TX
 
 
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I work with a large number of gay men, and women. Just about all, are exactly the same as all the rest of us, they all want and need the same things. I know gay couples that have been couples longer than alot of people today have been married. The love they share and commitment they have is rare nowadays. The bans and prejudices are nothing more than ignorant. Let them marry and have their unions recognized.

Pottstown PA
 
 
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I think sometimes people misuse the term "homophobic." A phobia, by definition, is an irrational fear of something. By that definition, I would venture to say that all those "Defense of Marriage Acts" (like Missouri just passed) or "Sanctity of Marriage Acts" are homophobic.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why same-sex marriages are a threat to traditional opposite-sex marriages, or just what they are "defending" against, or just what is the "threat" to the sanctity of marriage if 2 people of the same gender love each other and are committed to each other and want to have the same privileges of joint property ownership, presumptive inheritance rights, and dependent benefits that opposite sex couples enjoy in marriage. I can't even figure out what BUSINESS it is of other people to say who can and cannot get married. Remember, not that long ago interracial marriages were illegal in a number of states.

Such acts would more appropriately be labeled "Hatred and Bigotry Acts".

Having said all that, let me assert here that neither Mrs. Valovers nor I has any interest whatsoever in any sexual activity in any form with someone of the same gender. We not only are not interested, we actively DO NOT WANT any such sexual approaches by others of our same gender.

That does NOT make us homophobic. We are not afraid of anything. We simply have no interest and resent anyone trying to force such unwanted attention upon us just as much as if someone of the OPPOSITE sex to whom we are not attracted tries to force unwanted sexual attention upon us.

So "homophobia" applies to people who have irrational fear or hatred of someone simply for being bi- or homosexual. It does NOT apply to people like us who totally support the rights of others to live their lives with all the same rights and privileges of anyone else, but simply do not WANT sexual advances or activities forced upon us by someone of the same sex. If we aren't interested, we just aren't interested. That doesn't make us homophobic any more than some of you are "fatphobic" or "uglyphobic." It just means we know what are preferences are, and they do not include sex with others of the same sex.

South Riding VA
 
 
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It would be MUCH better to be a hermaphrodite. It doubles your chances of getting lucky!

South Riding VA
 
 
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TOPIC: What are couples truly looking for in a man for a threesome