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Reminiscing : Swingers Discussion 202878
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TOPIC: Reminiscing
Created by: Missthefun
Original Starting post for this thread:
I was thinking that since my girlfriend has lost interest, what about sharing some of those hot times on here? I love telling stories anyway, and our good times were great! What do you think?

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Excellent suggestions, Scandle! I really appreciate a female perspective. I may make some other attempts at recreating some of our experiences. I love to hear about what turns people on.

Mesa AZ
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That is odd! If you can go through and make corrections wherever punctuation is needed, then repost the story, it would help. Apparently you know how to do that, so I won't point out where apostrophes are needed. All of the suggestions I make below are what I, as a woman, would like to read, but you may not want to apply any of them.

in paragraph 5 you wrote "Both of us acted nonchalantly, but we felt anything but as anticipation of the evening filled our thoughts." I'm not sure what you meant. Perhaps "Both of us acted nonchalantly but our thoughts were filled with anticipation of the evening." would work? Or maybe change the second "but" to "but that,"

In paragraph 6 you say that Chuck appeared to be in excellent condition. I would enjoy reading more of a description of him, either here or later when he is wearing fewer clothes. Did he have broad shoulders, well-defined pecs or a slight pudge, strong chin or average, handsome face with a kind expression or eyes that were devouring your beautiful girlfriend, short hair or long, any jewelry, well-manicured nails, hairy chest, was he tanned, etc.?

Paragraph 7 you wrote "As dinner would down" I think it should be wound down.

In paragraph 12, how did you feel about Chuck showing up out of nowhere? Did it add to his mystique for you or your girlfriend, did it make you a little nervous, or did you just dismiss it as a result of being so horny and excited about what was to come?

Paragraph 15, about the foot massage, could be enhanced with a description of how Chuck did it. Where was he in relation to Jasmine? Was he kneeling very close to her, with his head just above the water (which would explain why you couldn't see him from the pool), looking up at her beautiful face and breasts? Did that closeness and intimacy cause her to get turned on even more? Was her face more flushed, pupils dilated, was she breathing a little heavier, etc., when you got out of the pool?

Paragraph 27, "I descended on the elevator" should be "I descended in the elevator"

Paragraph 28 I would call the room key a key card, given how it was used - but this is a very minor point.

Near the end you wrote "Then he pushed me back on the bed, and the next thing I knew, you were holding my hand.?" Earlier in the story, when you entered the room, you don't mention holding her hand. You could put it in, perhaps saying her palms were sweaty, and/or you felt a tingling sensation as you touched her, sensing the passion coursing through her veins, maybe playing with her fingers and palm a little.

Like I said, feel free to accept or reject my suggestions, and please keep writing! I always enjoy well-written porn. ;-D

Sheboygan Falls WI
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That's funny. I just went back to the original versions, and in one I had 6' 2" and 5' 3" and in the other it was 6-1 and 5-3. I copied and pasted and the punctuation didn't show. Don't know why. Oh well, thanks for pointing it out.

Mesa AZ
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Thank you very much, Scandal. How embarrassing! I won't tell what my major was. I'm certainly open to feedback.

Mesa AZ
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Missthefun, I just read and enjoyed your story, Thanks for posting it! However, some editing is needed to make it a little clearer, including punctuation. For example, in paragraphs 3 and 5 you say she is 53 and he was 62. As it turns out, you meant height, not age, but without the apostrophe and quotation marks properly placed (5' 3" and 6' 2"), it indicated they were those ages. I've got a few other suggestions if you are interested, but won't belabor it if you aren't.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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The title of my story is First Time 3-Some (MFM). So far, so good on the ratings. Actually, I'd love to write erotic stories, but I'd need a pen name, or my day job would be a thing of the past. Wait, what day job? I just resigned. Let me know what you think of the story, so I know how hard I need to look for a job. Thanks.

Mesa AZ
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Love literotica... In fact it was an afternoon on there that led me here

Pittsburgh PA
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Love Literotica. All the hoopla about "50 Shades" right now makes Mrs SVC giggle - she used to print stories and bring them to bed. So this book is nothing new to her.

Las Vegas NV
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Missthefun, what is the title of your story? Apparently we can't do a search based on authors' names.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Missthefun, I read somewhere in a post from the management that when an account is closed, all of the account's posts are deleted. Feedback on your story later, when I've had a chance to read it.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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TOPIC: Reminiscing