MFM vetting and communications: Swingers Discussion 192210

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TOPIC: MFM vetting and communications

Created by: Fun_Ahoy Original Starting post for this thread:
I'm a little curious about who does the communicating with a single male prior to meeting. I've seen it both ways. My experience is that husbands in the lifestyle treasure their wives and want to make sure that any solo male will be up to the standards she deserves. But every couple I've met does "vetting" differently. With a very few, husbands do all of the communicating. Others, the husband makes initial contact, and after becoming comfortable the wife and I dialogue directly. With others, almost all of my pre-meeting communication is with the wife. For what it's worth, the best encounters always seem to be those in which she and I have established at least some rapport in advance of a play date. Thoughts?

Created by: Fun_Ahoy
Original Starting post for this thread:

I'm a little curious about who does the communicating with a single male prior to meeting. I've seen it both ways. 

My experience is that husbands in the lifestyle treasure their wives and want to make sure that any solo male will be up to the standards she deserves. But every couple I've met does "vetting" differently. With a very few, husbands do all of the communicating. Others, the husband makes initial contact, and after becoming comfortable the wife and I dialogue directly. With others, almost all of my pre-meeting communication is with the wife. 

For what it's worth, the best encounters always seem to be those in which she and I have established at least some rapport in advance of a play date. Thoughts?

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User Details are only visible to members.	I usually chat first. If the guy can hold a conversation then I'll let hubby chat next and see what he thinks. Once the guy makes it past chat we set up dinner and drinks with no expectations of sex. We can tell half way through dinner if playtime is on the agenda or not. We have a special signal I use for hubby if I want to play. When I am in the lady's room, he 1) makes to deal to play or 2) let's the guy down gently depending on the signal. 99% of the time, we make good choices from the chat.
Plano TX			Username hidden (12 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thank you KD and FS1 for the forum welcome ! I remarried and gave up my swinging/bi side for 10 years for my 2nd (very str8) wife and missed it very much. I am now happily solo for almost 3 years and swinging again. I still go about it in the same way 1st wife and I did LOL. I find it difficult to meet couples who want or prefer to swing with solo men, but I do manage to connect from time to time and the same thing held true. It has been the wife or female of the couple who initiated email or phone contact with me with her husband's/bf's blessing and we voice verified...all 3 of us knowing we want to meet. I pretty much know that a couple is serious (and hot!) if the woman extends to me nterest in a 3some with me and her hubby/bf. Whenever I am approached by the 'str8' or bi husband/bf, rarely is he interested in a 3some with his wife/gf....invariably he is looking for bi sex with other men 1 on 1. I am usually receptive to it and understand his reluctance to reveal to his wife/gf that he is bi or bi curious. Has anyone else experienced this?
Forsyth GA			Username hidden (115 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Welcome to the Forums IFlirt! :) I certainly hope it's not offensive for you to be ANY where in the forums! ....great story too btw ;)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	1st wife much preferred and enjoyed mfm 3somes with str8 and bi men over 4somes with couples. I adored watching her with other men. She became so super-excited both planning and orchestrating our 'dates' that it quite excited me too. She also coaxed me and our 'date' to play together too and it's how I became bi. I hope mention of bi males is not offensive here because I have not seen any mention of it on this thread. We placed ads for men on several sites and never had any shortage of applicants LOL We'd screen the responses together and veto/weed out the obvious jerks, fakes and losers and end up with what she called her working list. She initiiated email contact with them, we further screened the responses and voice verified her men of interest to arrive at her 'A' List. She had the final say on whom we would meet, then she'd make arrangements to meet him at a Chili's/Applebee's type bar/restaurant for drinks. She dressed provocatively and began to seduce him almost immediately, fully intending to invite him to leave with us if the vibes were right for her and him (which they almost always were!) Depending on her level of excitment and mood she would sometimes leave with him in his car drecting him to our place as I followed closely in our car. Other times she would have him follow us. We only ever had 1 no-show but when that happened, she called a backup guy from the 'A' list to come meet and he showed up ! We never had a a single bad experience although there were several times when the vibes were just not there for her or him and she and I went home to make hot passionate love. I couldn't lose either way !
Forsyth GA			Username hidden (115 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"Regardng the term "real," when I (as a single guy) say that a couple is "real," I mean that I feel confident that the "couple" actually is truly a (somewhat) normal male/female couple and not some a serial emailer, photo collector and/or a wierd, single male wanting to have a homosexual tryst. Others' definition of a "real" couple may be a bit different than mine." -------- oh there's better ways to say that that using 'real'. i'd try now, but i've used all my braincells for the day. ....where's Mrs. Sav? She's VERY good at that! :)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	KindDragon: "....i dont like to send personal pic's if i am not 'almost' sure they are real. i say almost cause you never know around here, lol. so a little conversation first, phonecall, etc... helps to know that better........." Yeah, I guess you are right, after you have verified that someone is who they say they are. Generally, however, my experience with couples has always been that they reply to my email or make first contact, we email once or twice, we set a date for coffee or drinks and make a date to play. I have said "no" twice, but have never had a couple say no to me. I don't go to a "first date" expecting to go home with a couple, but most often, that is what they have in mind, so I always prepare for that. So anyway, I think that, based on what I'm reading here, that I will get some other photos into my profile that give ;-) a better look at what I have to offer. Regardng the term "real," when I (as a single guy) say that a couple is "real," I mean that I feel confident that the "couple" actually is truly a (somewhat) normal male/female couple and not some a serial emailer, photo collector and/or a wierd, single male wanting to have a homosexual tryst. Others' definition of a "real" couple may be a bit different than mine. SLO
San Luis Obispo CA			Username hidden (1192 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	i agree with that Joey! ... and i think the only thing we know for sure, is that we don't know anything for sure.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I guess it also matters how you define "real" Many couples are called "fakes" when they decide to no longer pursue someone at some point during the vetting process. Are people who originally intend to meet in person, but then have cold feet considered real or fake? The overwhelming majority of people we talk to (mainly single men) who agree to meet us in person, will disappear, cancel, or somehow not follow through. Not knowing their original intentions we tend to call them "fakes" and kind of assume that their plan all along was to have some hot chat and masturbate to a pic exchange. But at the same time, it could just be that a large number of people DO intend to follow through but get scared when that day comes. Its tough. We tend to lump everyone into the fake category because its frustrating to spend a good deal of time chatting, emailing, exchanging pics and cams, only to have it go nowhere AFTER we all agree that we are matches.
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"Also, you asked if I wanted to see intimate photos of a lady before I meet with a couple. Yeah, sure, it is nice, but it sure is NOT a deal-breaker for me." ..not a dealbreaker for me either. but i would appreciate it. and about... " suppose I can understand your wanting to see a naked picture of your wannabe ;-) , prospective swing partner. And, K, the problem I have with sending those is that it can often be difficult to know if the couple is real or not." ....i dont like to send personal pic's if i am not 'almost' sure they are real. i say almost cause you never know around here, lol. so a little conversation first, phonecall, etc... helps to know that better.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We actually do it almost all together. We sit down at the computer together, read the emails together, email, and chat together. The only thing I (male) do alone on here is play in the forums. The email thing is blinking away right now with a bunch of emails but I dont even click on it until we are home together. As far as verification. We do get and send full G-rated pics and x-rated pics. While its certainly not our number 1 deciding factor, there are some really unappealing looking penises out there. There have been times talking to someone really hot, a great body, and they send a penis picture and honestly it just looks gross. Who wants to meet, then get down to business and find out when you all get naked that something is a major turn off? We dont like to get into weeks of chat and emailing. But we do try to cam verify (both them and us) and do some basic chat. Sounding like a broken whining complaining record here, but we find the no-show rate just as bad when we put a lot of time into communication as when we try to take the fast track. So we are pretty quick to move on at the first indication that someone is not going to follow through with our intention of meeting people for real.
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

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TOPIC: MFM vetting and communications

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