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I don't get it : Swingers Discussion 53937
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TOPIC: I don't get it
Created by: 6youngun9 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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6young, I totally agree with you.

To put it another way, some people are more mature at fifteen than others will ever be in their lives. (I've met them.) The problem is, when meeting on the Interenet in the Lifestyle, how do you figure out who is mature and who isn't?

Shadyside PA
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Very well put eyesonus, I totally agree!!

Port Saint Lucie FL
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Mrs. E. here. I'm not sure if I understood something you said in your original post correctly. You said something to the effect that you did not want to be the icing, you want to be the cake. From the way I read that, and apologies if I am wrong, but I took it that you expect to be the "main attraction" not an addition. If this is the case, then to us, we would send the quick reply of no thank you. Mr. E. and I aren't here to find something we don't have, we are here to occasionally add a little spice to what is already an extremely satisfing sex life. The gentlemen that we meet and play with are respectful of our relationship and conduct themselves as they are just happy to be included. Someone who comes across that they want to be more than that or like we should consider ourselves lucky that they contacted us would turn us off immediately. We received an e-mail once where the guy said something like "tell me what you have to offer me", well, as I said earlier he got the quick response. Mr. E. says that from his perspective, he is willing to share me with another man...to him it's a gift...there's nothing more insulting to us as a couple and as individuals if someone comes across as not being appreciative of the "gift" they receive. Another thing that the men we meet and play with have in common is that they address Mr. E. Even if I send an e-mail, they respond to him. IMHO that shows respect to both of us. (This might be a suggestion, if you don't already do this b/c it would address the concern you stated that some have of trying to take the wife away.) Not to say that you shouldn't acknowledge her in your correspondence, but, to us anyway, if the letter is primarily speaking to Mr. E., neither of us feel threatened or uncomfortable. I am also put off by feeling pushed or pressured. Someone who sends an initial letter requesting a meeting with no other information about themselves and no information in their profile (which is not the case with you) is also sent the quick response. BTW- nicely written profile. Probably the only one we have come across that has so much thought and effort put into it! You are a handsome guy, and as everyone else has said, be patient and it will workout. When you get frustrated remember, if you're not getting the responses you want from people, are they really people you want to play with? Just my thoughts on your post. I'm sure there are people out there who feel differently, but this is just our approach. Mr. E here with my 2 cents. Don't feel bad. Sometimes older couples just don't feel like they would have as much in common with a young person. Notice how many people say they are looking for fun and "friendship." The friendship factor is important here, it's not just about sex. Having common experiences makes someone more comfortable with another person. And it is easier to find common ground with someone near our age. I was raised under presidents Johnson, Nixon & Carter, my experiences include the 60's, student protest, Vietnam, Reagan, etc. and are different from a young person's, as is likely my taste in music, recreation, and conversation. It's the same reason we seek vanilla friends closer to our age; they are more like ourselves. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a young crowd, someone might ask me who's Dad I was! So it's not a snub on young people (and this is not a young person's site, most of the couples here are in their upper 30's and 40's +) it's probably just a matter of preference. That being said, we are a couple more likely to play with younger men; we have a meeting with a 27 year old man tonight. He showed maturity in his e-mails and chat and so the age difference is no problem for us. But it will be a bigger factor with other couples. Good luck and keep the faith!

Kingsport TN
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6young, you make some excellent points here. In particular, maturity and age do not necessarily go hand in hand.

We all have stereotypes. And the most common stereotype of a young man attempting to enter the lifestyle as a single is that they (notice I didn't say 'he') is "1) less experienced, 2) less reliable, 3) looking to take the wife away and 4) less mature."

In talking of the stereo type, any young person has a tendency to be less experienced and less mature. This is to be expected in any endeavor, not just swinging. I love to play golf with guys who are in their twenty's and can hit it very long – they think that's the secret to the game. So I let them hit it 50 or 60 yards past me, then I knock it on the green and two putt while they either miss the green or three putt and lose the hole. They haven't yet learned that safety is more consistent than risk. That's an experience and maturity issue.

Now, does that mean that all young people can't learn lessons? No, some of them learn quite quickly, and surprise, surprise, some even learn lessons from reading about or watching others make mistakes, rather than making their own mistakes.

But the *tendency* is that you often have to make your own mistakes to learn, and older people simply have made a lot more mistakes to learn from.

In my experience, younger males have a tendency to be less reliable than older males, because at this point in their lives they may not have yet learned that reliability is one of the prime courtesies, and they have a tendency to look for something new without finishing what they've started. But older single males still have a greater tendency for unreliability than couples.

I agree with you, point number 3, about taking the wife away, is silly. Unless, of course, the relationship isn't solid; in that case, what the heck is the couple doing in the Lifestyle?

Having said all this about stereotypes, that doesn't mean that *you* are stereotypical in any of the aforementioned ways. But in order to find that out, a couple would have to get to know you. And the previous posts have been wonderful in describing how you may get a couple to investigate you further.

You invited a debate. I hope you find this a beneficial negative response.

Good luck!

Shadyside PA
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Oh! And remember....... FIRST IMPRESSIONS!!!!

We currently have two single guys that are "special" friends!! Both contacted us with a very polite, funny, sexLESS first message!!! Not crude, not pushy, and nothing that sounded like they expected US to just fall all over ourselves over them. If you're a nice guy (which we all hope you are), just be yourself!! Forget that the object of the "game" is sex!!! Your personality is going to have to be your main selling point (normally) and you probably won't get a second chance to convince anyone that you may just be what they're looking for!!!

Relax and have fun!!!

Bethany MO
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Triple Threat , Uriah and SPProd all have great points. I would have to say Triple and Uriah are the masters of advice concerning this website. I have read many of thier posts and what they say is true my friend.

You are a young good looking dude (I'm not gay, just making an observation) and the hardest thing to do is be patient. I know I see a very attractive woman on the website and I just drool. But, my approach is to just wait and not email. You would not believe the amount of emails attractive couples or females get on a daily basis. Us single guys ... well were lucky to get an email a week. I would post some opinions in the forums just to get your name out there, maybe consider laying off the emails some, do other things other than think about hooking up on the website and before you know it (YOU will) hook up! I would stop worrying about the age thing too. Just some advice from another single guy

Calhoun GA
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You are a very good looking young man whom many couples and single women will be contacting you for sex. Your frustration is due to your youth and resulting impatience. In fact, you are holding all the cards. Just sit back, let them contact you, perform well, and let your good reputation be your best marketing.

Memphis TN
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As is most often the case, Mr Triple makes some good points.... and so does the original poster!! Unfortunately for him and most single guys, many couples have been soured by a few bad grapes in the batch!!! OK... LOTS of bad grapes!!

The only thing we can say buddy is "Hang in there!" Continue to send messages to couples you are interested in and continue to be polite, intelligent (as you obviously are!!) and respectful!! Numbers are against you, but there ARE couples (and I'm sure single ladies) who would LOVE to meet you!! It's GONNA take time, patience and and some think skin on your part!!! Same for the rest of us!!!

Take care and have fun!!!

Bethany MO
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TOPIC: I don't get it