Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMS General Discussions 3-Some Hubby trying to convince me to try a blk gentlemen any suggestions
TOPIC: Hubby trying to convince me to try a blk gentlemen any suggestions
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Start   41 to 50 of 85   End
User Details are only visible to members.
I'm going to let this horse die, but I'd be remiss if I didn't thank ABSingleman and CLN04 for their comments. Thanks also to penbuttons and EandP for their thoughtful comments even though we might not agree.

Honestly, though, I don't think there's all that much disagreement out there in the end. We may disagree about whether racism still exists and how to get beyond it if it does, but I think most of us agree that the original poster, and others thinking about interracial exploration, should give it some careful thought before proceeding.

Atlanta GA
Username hidden
(17 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Wow. At the risk of stepping on whole messes of toes (some of which belong to people for whom I generally have a great deal of respect) AND beating a dead horse with a can full of worms...

I have to chime in with my 2 cents here. And this is going to be long, I apologize in advance.

This topic rang for me, since it happens to be an area in which I've been doing some soul searching lately, in large part thanks to a powerful film called "The Color of Fear". I HIGHLY recommend this movie for those who haven't seen it.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and take a risk, which is what I've committed myself to doing now. I'm with takoma, here. I'm not going spout opinions about racism or overzealousness or anything that seems to have been discussed so far in this thread. I'm not feeling the need to accuse anyone of reacting or overreacting, or being appropriate or inappropriate.

But what I WILL say is that I have often been among the "Oh no, not the RACE card again, can't we all just be PEOPLE and get OVER this!" set. Truly, it made no sense to me why people would make such a big deal out of every little race thing- after all, I'M not racist, ergo, "they" are overcomplicating the matter.

After seeing that film, and doing a lot of reading and talking with people of many backgrounds about their experiences, I have to say that I carry a lot of guilt about that. And I carry a lot of shame for the times I could have spoken up and chose not to.

The issue for me is not overt racism- I believe I try to be aware of and confront my stereotypical beliefs when they arise for me, and I work hard at that. My guilt is over my lack of awareness of my "white privilege", and the fact that, by virtue of the color of my skin, I don't HAVE to think about the "race card" day in and day out.

I don't have to teach my sons that there are things they'll have to fight for, injustices they'll face, hatred they'll be exposed to. I don't have to counter attitudes that I'm somehow less-than because I'm darker. I don't have to be surrounded by models of society that don't reflect me, unless they're negative models.

On the other hand, I am frequently exposed to "innocent" racial comments or jokes that I find offensive, and yet if I balk, I'm told I'm "overreacting" and it "wasn't meant to be racist, some of my best friends are black". (And please, let's not get into how racist jokes are no different than dumb blonde jokes- those are offensive, too, but they don't carry the same underlying history of discrimination and oppression with them, and I'm not going to engage in that argument beyond stating that.)

Takoma, I appreciate that you were brave enough to speak up on behalf of voices that often aren't heard, and I'm glad to have the opportunity to do so, as well.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. (And PS, the movie isn't widely available, check your local library if you'd like to find a copy, I strongly recommend it.)

L.

Ithaca NY
Username hidden
(1611 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I love sites that rate you based on questionaires. I joined a site that was all questionaires. After spending two days answering over 300 questions, five women asked ME out. When I sent them pictures three of them said "I didn't know you were black!"

Ouch!

Still, I went out with three of the five. Ironically, it was the three that made that statement. It never came up again, and I went out with one three more times. It was fun. Still, somehow they were shocked that I didn't answer questions the way they thought a black man might. All three had been in relationships with black men before, and one was black. I found that funny.

What I don't find funny is this topic. When it first came up, I started thinking about my attraction to Hispanic women. The first girl I REALLY kissed was the daughter of Cuban refugees. Since then, whenever I see Hispanic women, I think about that kiss. After a while I stopped fighting it. Now they are just women who look different, and I like the difference. No stereotypes are involved, I just like the way they look BECAUSE of a good memory a 12 year old boy had with a 14 year old girl while prunining blueberry bushes before the picking season started.

That doesn't mean I only look for Hispanic women, or turn down women of other races in favor of them. It was something that made a good impression on me. I thought long and hard why I would pursue Hispanic women as often as I do, and I found the reason. Is it an irrational reason? Yes. Is it a racist or demeaning reason? I don't think so.

Race, religion, and age are three of the biggest obstacles to relationships, and in that order. If you don't think about them as a reason to avoid or pursue someone, great. If you do, you owe it to yourself and those you pursue to think honestly as to why. Even if the reasons aren't motivated by predjudice or stereotypes, it will go a long way to explaining your attraction and making the other person feel they are wanted for who they are, not what they are.

but thats just my opinion. I won't be offended if you disagree and I won't post to this again.


Username hidden
(98 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I posted this in the Jokes & Funnies thread after reading nuro's apt comment that "this horse is dead." Here's how to deal with Dead Horse Syndrome.

Wisdom Of The Ages

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in this modern world, often other strategies have to be tried with the dead horse, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Threatening the horse with termination. 4. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. 6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 7. Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse. 8. Creating a training session to increase the riders load share. 9. Reclassifying the dead horse as being living-impaired. 10. Hire outside contractors to ride the horse. 11. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed

South Riding VA
Username hidden
(8172 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
How about all of the posts asking for "hung white studs", there are just as many. Do those people have a "race fetish" for white people? I don't see nay profiles asking to be contacted by black men BECAUSE they're "hung". I would venture a guess that would just not be interested in a black man with a short penis. I personally wouldn't mind ever being called a hung stud. There are many more degrading stereo-types out there. You yourself came up with one of them.

You keep telling people to ask themselves "the tough questions". To what questions are you referring? In your opinion who is allowed to have inter-racial sex? Should there be a test beforehand? What are the correct motivations for being interested? You claim that you're all for inter-racial sex, but in the next breath you state that no one else on this site is thinking about it the right way.

By the way, a fetish is a sexual fixation on an object to the extent that sex without the object involved is not satisfying. Wanting to try something new or different therefore is, by definition, not a fetish. It is simply being open-minded. Event the "hung black stud" profiles, in general, aren't fetishes either. They all have a mate with whom they have most of their sexual encounters, and just enjoy something different every once in a while.

Hottiewife WAS thinking about her decisions. She was thinking very hard about them, and not only that, she was open minded and trusting enough to open her thoughts and feelings up to the group to have a sounding board. I applaud her for that. Hottiewife, you didn't open a can of worms, I think some were dumped in here. ;-) I hope that this doesn't deter others from asking advice in the future that is of a sensitive nature.

Kirk - (who wishes that he was a "hung stud" so that he'd have more e-mail in the in-box)

Muncie IN
Username hidden
(66 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
VALovers- I don't think anyone here, including me, suggested that you have racist or white supremacist thoughts in your head.

Alphageek, if you don't see a difference between fetishizing "hung black studs" and simply finding black men or women attractive, then I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

My experience has been that there are a lot of people out there (disclaimer: not necessarily those who have posted in this forum) who want to be with black men or women because of unconscious racial stereotypes. We try to stay away from such people because that's our preference. It might not bother some other people, and that's fine. (Heck, it might be a turnon for some!) Luckily, there are also a lot of people out there whose interracial attraction is not based on unconscious racial stereotypes.

My point is simply to encourage folks (of all colors) to think before proceeding.

Atlanta GA
Username hidden
(17 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I would be terribly remiss if I didn't thank EandP and centralbucks for their very kind remarks about me. I deeply appreciate your friendship and support.

I guess after spending two decades fighting for equal rights and equal pay for all citizens, male AND female, Caucasian AND any other race, it really angered me to have someone with an apparent giant chip on his shoulder alleging that those who posted here have "racist and white supremacist thoughts lurking in our heads."

This debate, like the Bush-Kerry debates, will not go down in history as comparable in greatness to the Lincoln-Douglas debates! But like the Lincoln-Douglas debates, this one is ready to be put on the trash heap of history.

South Riding VA
Username hidden
(8172 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
hottiewife wrote: <<sorry guys for opening this can of worms.>>

This proves the validity of one of my favorite Murphy's Law Correlates. It's called "Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics," and says

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to get a bigger can.

ROFL

South Riding VA
Username hidden
(8172 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
no prob u guys

Sylmar CA
Username hidden
(14 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
sorry guys for opening this can of worms. maybe from now on ill try and figure it out for myself

Sylmar CA
Username hidden
(14 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Start   41 to 50 of 85   End
TOPIC: Hubby trying to convince me to try a blk gentlemen any suggestions