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CHEATING MEN - Why dont you like them : Swingers Discussion 1444991041
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TOPIC: CHEATING MEN - Why dont you like them
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Joey, I applaud your candor, even if I disagree with some of your conclusions.

Youngstown OH
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"I thought a solid marriage is based on the vows... " Remember those are just words...... to some anyway. Something to really ponder.

Burlingham NY
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So in essence you are saying that if your wife was to gain weight or you met a hotter chick you would "cheat" on her. Wow ....

I thought a solid marriage is based on the vows... you know better or worse? Thank God my husband does not have your mindset. I would have to castrate him.

Augusta NJ
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I'm somehow reminded of the lyric to "That I would be good"

"that i would be good even if i did nothing that i would be good even if i got the thumbs down that i would be good if i got and stayed sick that i would be good even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even if i went bankrupt that i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth that i would be great if i was no longer queen that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved even when i numb myself that i would be good even when i'm overwhelmed that i would be loved even when i was fuming that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity"

In my maybe naive view of our relationship we are comfortable swinging because it is a "want" not a "need". I know in my heart of hearts that should either of us decide it was no longer fun for either of us we would step away and still have a wonderful relationship. I don't think for one second Mr Sav would suddenly change his whole persona and become a cheat, I don't believe he'd love me less if I got fat nor do I think he'd seek sex outside of our relationship if suddenly he found another more attractive than he found me. (which BTW I am sure happens frequently lol) I don't think swinging prevents us from cheating. I think love and respect keep us from cheating.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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So if the wife gets too fat you might cheat?

White Hse Sta NJ
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Im not either.

A good solid committed relationship can include anything that you both agree on.

Its all in where you set the boundaries.

We have g-rated friends that no matter how we have tried to explain it to them cannot fathom the concept of what we do. They cannot make the distinction between swinging and cheating. They cant see how its possible that we are in love, in a stable committed relationship, yet have sex with other people. To them, there is just no such thing. They cant see how its possible to be in love, yet want to have sex with someone else. There is no separation between love and sex.

At the same time. People who know us and dont know our side activities......See us as the model relationship and we look like the type of couple that everyone would want to be. Which is true in my opinion. We have lives outside of this. We have a business, work, a home, responsibilities, bills, and everything else in life that we deal with. And we are perfect match life partners in all of that. We dont fight. We dont argue. We just dont have problems that we see our friends have. Thats our committed relationship. The way we make it together day by day, year after year, and would never dream of being anywhere else.

We just happen to have a hobby thats a little outside of what most people understand.

Mount Juliet TN
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I see where it contradicts itself. And I wont say either one are 100% certain.

If she put a stop to it now. Then gains 100lbs and our sex life goes to crap, and I find myself in a situation with someone I find hot and she wants it. Who knows.

My interests have changed over the years. We started off as a straight couple looking only for couples "NO SINGLE MEN" and I wasnt even remotely interested in a mfm. And the idea of us playing on our own was OFF LIMITS. NO WAY NO HOW.

Fast forward a bunch of years and now our main interest is single men. Ive found less than straight interests. And my biggest turn on is her playing on her own.

Our mfm stuff started with me not being comfortable if she wasnt paying as much attention to me as she was him at the same time. Now, half the time I get more excitement spending most of my time watching.

We started off with me doing more of the "choosing" and avoiding guys who I felt were physically more attractive or hung. To now where the turn on is HER choosing and me loving when its someone really hot and hung.

We had periods of time where we played a few times a week and then we had times when we went a year or more without even considering it.

So I think my overall point is communication. We find that open communication works for us. We may not always agree, but the number one thing is no matter what we do, WE come first as partners. I leave her free to do as she wants as an adult and she does the same for me. But nothing happens as a secret.

Like ive mentioned before. It bugs me when we have a period of time where she isnt into playing for a while and im craving it. Then she goes camping and comes home with a story to tell me. Its mixed feelings. Its a turn on that it happened. But at the same time im like WTF!...Ive been wanting to do something for months and you leave for 3 days and do something on your own.

But at the same time. SHE TELLS ME. And I much rather that, then for it to happen and she keeps it a secret.

Same as when I travel. While Im allowed to play on my own and do on occasion. She doesn't get the same thrill as I do when she plays on her own. Where I find it a huge turn on. Shes neutral. She lets me do it because she does it. But shes not waiting for me to tell her every detail as soon as I get home like I do with her.

But the one thing that I know for sure. I dont think monogamy would suit either of us. Whether we would "cheat" or not.

While its not for everyone, I think a closed relationship would bring on problems and issues that we dont have now. Whether it be cheating, suspicion, anxiety, jealousy, guilt, or just unfulfilled desire. Some of that would be there.

Mount Juliet TN
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On a side note. This whole time I had no idea Ive been responding to MY OWN THREAD. From 3 years ago. haha

Mount Juliet TN
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If she changed her mind and wanted to stop all together. No, I wouldnt cheat.

Would I be happy with the new arrangement? No We have had ups and downs with playing as Ive mentioned before.

Knowing her as well as I do. I dont think she would want to cut herself off from those "chance encounters" that she does have on her own.

There are a lot of times as swingers we dont see eye to eye. The difficult part for us is that MY interest involves HER being with other people more than it does ME being with other people.

I enjoy playing and playing on my own once in a while but its not something that I crave in a major way.

I also dont encounter many situations where the desire matches the opportunity. Im lucky to have a really hot, gorgeous, wife with a great body. And for me personally. Most of the opportunities that come my way on my own are kinda tough to beat that.

If my wife were overweight or unattractive, and then I had the opportunity to get with a "hottie" I could see that being very tempting. But I have that at home 24/7 and I dont have women "hotter" beating down my door.

On the other hand. My wife has constant opportunity with "hot" guys. So for a one night romp with a guy with a perfect body and a big pecker, I can see the temptation there.

So if we were to stop playing. I would see her slipping up before I would.

As ive written before. I am definitely more interested more often than she is. There are a lot of different things Id us to do and I do often wish that she were as into it as I am.

But at the same time. It would be unfair for me to put pressure on the situation. Its HER body. And my interests involve HER playing. So that would be just plain wrong for me to push.

The difference between her and I is that I'm consistent in my interest. This is something that if she wanted to do 3 times a week....Id be all for it and probably want 4 times a week.

She on the other hand goes in waves. It wont even be a thought in her mind for what I see as a long time. Its just not on the "to do" list.

Then out of nowhere....BAM!!! Another side of her comes out and she is unstoppable.

So we go from me looking at that bird flying in the corner on here showing 100 emails and thinking maybe I should delete the profile because she hasnt wanted to look at it in a month........To, out of nowhere, she is ready to go NOW, and off we go.

But I do have a higher more consistent interest. For example, last week she mentioned she wanted to go to one of the clubs or play this weekend, last night. So hell. I planned work around it. And it was something that I looked forward to all week and was excited about last night.

Then yesterday came and some friends invited us to a BBQ for a while. We went. Then when they were getting ready to leave at 7pm, they invite us down to their boat to hang out for the night. G-rated friends by the way.

We looked at eachother and I knew thats what she wanted to do. She knew I had other ideas.

We went to the boat. If I had pushed we would have went to the club but I didnt.

So theres our difference. She is spur of the moment like that. At that particular moment she wasnt even thinking about it. Meanwhile it was something that I was excited and looking forward to all week. Yet, she forgot about it until yesterday.

So its tough finding a balance between something that I want to do ALL the time and something she likes to do a few times a year.

But in my case Im lucky. Even though its not as much as I would like, we ARE in the game. I could have married someone different who found the idea repulsive. Then what?

Mount Juliet TN
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Kd, I'm puzzled by the placement of many of the lol's you used in your comments here.

White Hse Sta NJ
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TOPIC: CHEATING MEN - Why dont you like them