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The Single Mans Guide To The Lifestyle

Budding writer needs your comments.

There’s a niche for every person in any subculture. The role of the single man in the Lifestyle is one that can be fun, difficult and unwelcomed by many and sometimes just impossible. I can’t tell you when I became involved in the Lifestyle, I think technically I never did.

I have rarely risked anything to be a part of this thing. I have had a few girlfriends, three probably, that I have been involved with that were into all this. Elizabeth, Anna and Elaine. Of the three only Elizabeth ever did a full swap. Anna and Elaine dappled in their bi side but that never went too far either. Of the three I only put myself at risk with Elaine, who I had very deep feelings for and had even planned to marry.

So I never had to risk letting the ugly jealous side of me out because I never allowed another man be with a woman I cared for. Because lets face facts here if you let another man fuck your woman you are taking the risk that she might realize there’s better cock out there.

This is important for every single man trying to break in to the Lifestyle to understand. You are bringing nothing to the table. You are risking nothing emotionally. So you can never be truly a part of the Lifestyle and for that reason you will always be an outsider and by definition outsiders are not welcomed.

I am 46 years old. When I was 21 I went to a sex club with Carol who was then 19. She was the third woman I had and I wasn’t experienced at all sexually. She was fucking men in their thirties and forties. As a friend once told me, everyone at 21 is hot. I was no exception. I had a great fresh body and Elizabeth was 19 so you can imagine the reception we got when we walked in to the club and stripped.

Neither of us was scared and we jumped right into the mix. In fact we were the mix. Elizabeth had men and women lined up to eat her out. Women were literally lining up to suck my tender young cock. One husband pulled me aside and ask me to fuck his wife first so they could get the babysitter home before midnight.

On our first visit we climbed the stairs to the second floor. At the top of the stairs there was a long narrow hallway with semi private rooms off of it. I was wearing a white towel and she was in her bra and panties. A man timidly reached up and touched her back and when the others saw she wasn’t objecting five other men and women started to touch her.

At the end of the hallway I made eye contact with a beautiful naked woman. She walked directly towards me and kissed me. That kiss to this day it still seems weird. A woman I never met just came up to me, naked, opened her mouth and tongued me. I put my hand on her ass and she dropped my towel and stroked me. I looked over at Elizabeth who was now completely surrounded.

I leaned over and asked, “ Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah.” She said. She had the biggest smile at that moment.

The naked women took us into one of the playrooms. We walked in and her husband joined us sitting in the corner trying to get hard. While the woman was blowing me Elizabeth crawled over to him and tried her best to get him hard. She was kissing him and fondling him. No luck. She came back and joined us. I remember looking up at the doorway. There was a crowd, a really big crowd watching us. I remember being on my back getting sucked by this stunning stranger and thinking how cool it was to be having my first three way. Having a dozen people watching made it more exciting.

The fun went on from there. When we got home at 4 or 5 in the morning something had occurred to me. Elizabeth and I never actually fucked each other that night. I fucked that woman. She went down on Elizabeth. Elizabeth sucked me off. I went down on her. But she and I never actually got to fuck.

The last time we went to the club it had fallen fast. It was suddenly showing it’s age and was now filled with overweight Russians from Brooklyn who had hired hookers to gain admission. She and I were too scared to fool around with anyone there. But just as we decided to leave we befriend a couple in the locker room. He was a NYPD sergent she was a Wall Street clerk. We went to private room and played. Me and his wife. Elizabeth and her husband. You get the idea. The girls exchanged numbers and they invited us out to a house party on Staten Island. We went and just like that we were on the A list.

That was 25 years ago and since then I have had something like a dozen MFFs , probably a dozen more MFMs and countless one on ones l with their husbands blessings. Plus I took time off in between to have an actual girlfriend or two.

Since then I have gained fifty pounds exchanged my abs for a pot and accepted that I have been replaced by younger studs. This really set in a three summers ago when Elizabeth, now 43 and a reborn Christian and on her third husband, stopped fucking me in favor of men in their 20’s. At least our final threesome was fun. It was in 2005, with some 19 year old tiny Puerto Rican girl we met at Sandy Hook that afternoon.

But I digress. So for all you single guys trying to break into the Lifestyle here is what I have to say: Don’t think that you will be able to do it over night. It takes a long time to build a reputation. The internet might work for some of you. The couples I have met over the years tell me they have little to no luck with the men on these sites. Much like the women ( this applies to men I know also) you probably meet on dating sites, most have nothing going for them. If they did they wouldn’t need the internet to hook up. It's true.

Here’s a thought for you. I have gotten laid more from Match and Nerve than SLS or Adult FriendFinder. Including one woman from Match that went to a club with me three times.

Read one hundred couples profiles and what will you see? 99 of them are looking for gentlemen. Do you know what that means? That means no backward baseball caps. No drunk frat boys. No pushing-your-finger-into-her-pussy-before-you-even-get-to-the-bar guys. Be polite and respect the fact that this guy loves this woman so much that he decided to spend the rest of his life with her. It’s not about you, it’s about his wife being treated like a woman. At east in public. What he and she want back in the hotel room may be something else.

This is how I was accepted into the scene as a single man. I was at Hedonism in 1998 and was polite and respectful towards everyone. I introduced myself to people nicely. At the end of the week a couple from Philly that owned a club handed me their card. They saw how I behaved and wanted me at their club to service the couples. There were probably a dozen guys they invited and depending on the crowd they were expecting so the number of men on any night was limited. It was truely a unique fraternity.

Remember also that not all couples like single men. In fact a lot will freak out on you. A lot will scream at you and some will even feel so threatened that they might get physical. A few years ago I was at Hedo and met a wonderful couple from California, Judy and Mike. They were there with four other couples. Judy, Mike and I went scuba diving together and then would have lunch after. One afternoon Mike stopped me on the beach and asked me if I found Judy attractive. I knew what he was really asking.

Mike and Judy were always a full swap couple. No single men ever, but they were ready to try. She thought I was cute and they both felt safe with me. I told him I was certainly up for it if they were. I wouldn’t do anything until I spoke to Judy privately about it. Then I would wait until he gave me the cue.

That night the resort put on the big beach party. Tiki torches, buffets and bonfire. Judy saw me arrive and invited me to join the table. Me, her, Mike and the four other couples they were traveling with. Now and then Judy would rub my cock under the table. Mike saw it and was getting turned on by it. I could literally see his heart pumping. After a few minutes Mike excused himself and went to the bar. Judy and I were getting a bit cozier looking each other in the eyes when a hand slapped my face hard.

One of the women from one of the other couples lost it on me.

“Get away from her!” she screamed. I think she cursed at me. I can’t remember.

She stood up and walked over to my chair and pushed it over.

“Get the fuck out of here. Leave her alone!”

I was on the sand and didn’t move. Judy was shocked but stood up and tried to calm her friend down. The entire beach party came to a screeching halt. The woman’s husband didn’t step in to get her off of me but pushed Judy away to give her wife a better angle at me. Mike came back and calmed everyone down.

Of course the rumors started immediately. I wasn’t invited to sit with them. I forced my way into the table. I was making moves behind her husband’s back. She was uncomfortable sitting next to me. Even after Mike and Judy explained everything was fine. Some of the other couples didn’t accept it.

For the rest of the week the lines were clearly drawn. Half the couples thought all the single men should leave the resort. The other half started fucking the single guys with relish to prove a point. That scene at dinner actually did more for me than anything I could have done on my own. I was getting laid right and left after that.

Judy, Mike and I didn’t even hooked up at Hedo. We hooked up a month later in Las Vegas. They told me over dinner in Vegas that they were too embarrassed by what had happened. They thought I was turned off to them after that. We went back to their room and had what I have to say was the most fun MFM ever.

A lot of couples are going to feel threatened by your presence in the Lifestyle circles. In their eyes you will be a sexual predator.

Don’t let these people get you down. You are bound to run into it.

Listen to what the couples are saying to you. If they call you an idiot it’s probably because you are being an idiot. If they say no it’s because they mean no. If they tell you not now it means not now.

If a couple has shown interest in you that doesn’t mean you have permission to hit on her 24/7. I once had the chance for a MFF with the women from two couples. One of the couples was having a hard time trying to arrange their schedules to make it happen. Soccer games. Cheerleading. Work. I didn’t push them to make me a priority and it took a year to make it happen. That helped my reputation in their circle. From that I was invited to a private party in San Francisco where I met a beautiful woman 12 years younger than I named Elaine from Santa Cruz.

We were together for two and a half years. Since then breaking back in to the circle has been hard. Perhaps my middle age has pushed me out of the lifestyle for good. Younger hotter studs have replaced me. No big deal. I was once like them and someday they will be like me. It’s nature. Everyone wants the hot young thing. That includes guys who want to see their wives get fucked by other men. Hey it’s a niche.
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