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Why Im a Expert at Blow Jobs

Personal Information: I'm 42, 135 lbs, 5'2", Blond, Blue Eyes, 36DD-27-38 and Very REAL and Always Horny !

The cock is not a complicated thing. Stroke here, lick there, suck here, and don't forget to fucking close your eyes when he cums (that shit stings, asshole). Although giving a blowjob isn't complicated, it ain't easy either, especially if you want to go down in his memory as the best goddamn head he ever had–and I mean when he hears your name or your favorite fuck me song five years later he gets a distant goofy look in his eyes and a little bit of a hard-on which he then has to explain to his now-wife.

There's a process here. Years of cock-sucking research have gone into this. Years. RESPECT THE YEARS.

The key to good head is to mix it up. Keep him guessing what's coming next. Granted there are many types of blowjobs: the one-minute quickie (good for commercial breaks during the football game), the loving head (long and slow and a bit of schmoopie talk), dirty-whore head (fast, deep, hard and dirty), S&M head (biting, grabbing him by the balls, "you'll do what I say, you hear me, you prick?"; or he grabs your hair, forces your head down, "you'll suck my cock and you'll like it, bitch" (mmmm… sooo hot), but what I'm aiming for here is the looong head (which in many cases only translates into ten minutes) that will have him whimpering, begging, and calling my name when I finally let him cum.

My method involves teasing the poor bastard right until he's about to blow his load–and then pull back. Build up, pull back, build up, pull back, each time building up a little more than the time before. All the build-ups lead to a huge blow-out. He may hate you a little each time you do that, but he won't give a fuck in the end.

Note: this post is not comprehensive. There are many more little tricks and techniques, but I'm writing this in one night and my left hand is already exhausted from masturbating.

Another note: you know there's no actual blowing in a blowjob, right?

Don't they teach you anything in high school?

After paying due attention to his balls (DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE ORGASM-INDUCING POWER OF THE BALLS), it's time to work your way toward Three-Point Contact. Before I go into detail, I want you to keep the following "mix it up" styles in mind: fast vs slow, deep vs shallow, long strokes vs short strokes, and consistent vs varied rhythm.

FIRST POINT OF CONTACT: hand

One hand, whichever one is the easiest to control and has the most endurance. Typically but not always the hand that you write with.

Clasp it around the base of the shaft and begin stroking up and down, slowly at first and then gradually increasing speed.

I'd like to take this time to point out that manicured fingernails look super hot when wrapped around a hard cock. I'm no girly-girl, but I know the power of vixen-red nails. Especially since I've now been on the receiving end of a glorious set of painted nails. WOW.

They look even hotter going in and out of pussy. And I don't mean masturbating. But for fuckssake, don't have those super long pointy these-are-made-for-choking-you acrylic fingernails. Those things are scary. I wouldn't want a set of those anywhere near my penis. –

shudders–

Don't pump away on dick like it's a chore. It is not a chore, IT IS A PRIVILEGE. You should be so lucky to have a dick standing up to say hello. Show him that you love having his dick in your hand. Get up close where you can see everything. If he's lying down, stroke his dick up and down while your face is directly behind it so he can see your hands, his cock, and your wicked smile all right there.

Every once in a while pull back to concentrate on a different area.

The head and the frenulum (the tight little bit of skin on the underside of the head) are the most sensitive areas of the dick. Work this. Work this hard. Lightly circle the ridge of the head with your finger tip (your manicured fingertip). Tickle the frenulum ever so lightly (the sensitivity can work against you if you've gone hard faster than he was ready for).

Bonus points if while you're stroking him you're giving yourself a little hand-action.

SECOND POINT OF CONTACT: mouth

Just because the mouth is coming in, it does not mean your hand is done. Nuh uh. We're building up, not making substitutions. No matter how good you are with your hand, the mouth is better. It simulates the cock by virtue of being warm and wet. And besides that, it's fucking sexy as hell to see your dick in a girl's mouth, to see her taking it all in and wanting more. Remember the sex eyes? Make sex eyes. Although if you love what you're doing, the eyes will show it without you having to even think about it.

Pull back from his dick slowly, with your hand caressing the top as you pull away. Squeeze the tip of the head until you see a little drop of pre-cum. If this is your thing and you know it's safe, wipe the pre-cum up with your fingertip, look directly into his eyes, arch your back, grin like the cock-loving girl you are, and lick it off your finger.

Once his eyes have popped back into their sockets and he realizes you are for real, it's time to bring out your best stuff. Bite your lower lip and give him a naughty grin. Crouch down so you're hovering over or next to his dick. Starting at the base, lick the shaft ever-so-

very-slowly with the tip of your tongue. End at the head with a little flourish of the tongue. Make eye contact. By this point he should be able to read your dirty dirty mind through your eyes.

Go back down on the other side, with your tongue stretched out so he has the full luscious view. Come back up along the top, still slow, then bring your hand back in. Clasp the base of the shaft with your hand, put your head down in the position to begin sucking, but just before you do, look up at him–

Have you noticed I'm being totally obnoxious about the eyes? THAT'S BECAUSE GIVING SEX EYES IS THE HOTTEST AND MOST UNDER-UTILIZED THING YOU CAN DO. SO WORK IT, GODDAMNIT. Flirt with your eyes, tease with your eyes, fuck with your eyes, take him in with your eyes.

–now dive in. You've been moving slow up to this point, so diving in with a visible hunger is a powerful contrast. Since his dick is mostly dry, take in a couple inches and run your tongue down the shaft to give it a little lubricant.

On the second run, take in as much of his cock as you can. The best way to do this depends on the proper positioning of your head/throat relative to his dick. For what I'm outlining in this post, the best body position is with him lying down and you kneeling so you can extend/crouch over him. You have to support yourself fully with your legs, because soon both your hands are going to be busy. If your head is directly over his dick (use your hand to hold it straight up into your mouth), it's your best shot to take in all of the average-sized cock. If you have a bad reflex.. practice? I don't really know what to say. I was born to suck dick, so I've never had much of a gag reflex. If it makes you uncomfortable, go slow and try to relax.

Being tense is NOT what you need to be right now.

To begin the licking and sucking, keep your shoulders steady and move your head with the neck only. As you get going, let your body follow the sex vibe. Kneel so that you lift up your hips to grind in the air. Arch your back and roll your ass around in small circles. Don't think about it too much… just let your body do what it feels inclined to do. There's a hard cock in your mouth. Enjoy it.

What to do with the tongue. At the beginning it's easiest to place it underneath the cock as you take it in. Don't let the tongue just BE there, occupying space in your mouth. Press it up against the shaft.

Once you get going, lick side to side with your tongue while sucking up and down. Lick all around. Meanwhile you can bring in the hand as needed for another source of pressure/sensation. Or to act as a stopping point so you don't accidentally take in too much and summon the gag reflex.

Meanwhile with the mouth, keep it in a tight ring around his cock because they are yet another key contact in the blowjob. Just watch it, because lips can be the first thing to cramp up.

The mix of textures, pressure, speed, rhythm–there's so many options to try out. You don't ever have to give the same blowjob twice if you know how to mix it up.

THIRD POINT OF CONTACT: the other hand

This is why you need to be supporting yourself with knees/legs only.

One hand is on shaft, mouth is on dick, and the other hand is what rounds this out as an all-round mind-blowing blowjob. While sucking and pumping, bring in your other hand, which hopefully up until this point has been keeping you nice and stimulated (masturbating, rubbing between legs, pinching nipples).

Start by playing with the balls again. BOYS LIKE IT WHEN YOU PLAY WITH THEIR BALLS. Especially while you're doing all the other stuff.

Lick them, strum against them with the tip of your tongue, juggle lightly in your fingers, cup in your palm, whatever. Don't be rough, they're very sensitive, although the degree depends on the guy. Keep stroking his shaft with your hand and sucking on the head. You are now in scoring position.

*BONUS* POINT OF CONTACT: exactly how good are you with your hands?

Time to hit the magic sweet spot. (No, as much as I love poking something up a guy's ass, that's not what I'm referring to–not this time).

After a minute or so, close your index finger and press it middle-

knuckle first into the tissue just underneath the balls. I'm not sure what this is called (I don't think it's the same thing as the perineum, because that's farther away), but it hits the interior base of the shaft. If you apply pressure with your knuckle, according to some guys it feels amazing. If you're really talented, you can apply pressure with your knuckle or finger while continuing to fondle his balls. Massage the spot gently while you massage the balls as well.

Not many people know about this magic spot, so it has a powerful effect on those who are fortunate enough to experience it.

THE ENDING

If you don't want to swallow, then you can finish him off with hand job only, or suck until the final thirty seconds and then switch to manual. Just watch your eyes!! Cum in contacts = OW MOTHERFUCKER.

Most guys are understanding about not wanting to take them in your mouth, whether for personal or health reasons. If you still want to finish with a flourish, you can pull my favorite porn star move of letting him ejaculate on your stomach or breasts. I think it's fun, but lots of people seem to think it's degrading. I don't care. I like it.

Don't ever take it in your mouth and then spit it out. That's just rude. If you don't want it in the first place, fucking say so.

Note on taste: what the guy eats and drinks beforehand directly corresponds to the taste of his cum. Drinking a lot of beer (a lot, not just a two) beforehand leaves a NASTY taste. That is my only icky memory of a blowjob. In general, the healthier the food he eats the better (less bad, whatever) it tastes. Fruit and fruit juice has the best influence for a non-offensive taste. Let me just say again:

being able to somewhat deep-throat means you never have to worry about taste.

If you're comfortable swallowing, you can avoid the taste by taking him in as deep as you can right when he cums. That gets it past the taste buds. If you know the guy well enough to know his "tells" for when he's on the verge of cumming, that makes it a lot easier to time your technique. If this is a new guy, then you may need him to give you some indication or ten-second warning. Guys: this is why MOANING, or, you know, SPEAKING like EVER during sex is beneficial. Why are guys always so fucking quiet? BLEH. Get over it.

When it's coming down to the finale, I like to finish hard. Up until the last couple seconds, going deep and fast helps the intensity. At the very end, take in as much of his dick as you can, ideally enough so that the head is pressed against the back of your mouth. The extra bit of pressure blows his mind–and wad. Continue licking the underside of the shaft with your tongue with as much pressure as the tongue has left in it. In the final second or two, move your head up and down just enough so that the tip of his dick rubs against the back/roof of your mouth.

As he cums, hold on. DON'T BREAK THE SEAL. That can make for a big sticky mess. Keep your mouth closed tightly around his cock until you're sure he's done, which can take as long as ten seconds. When you hear the post-orgasm sigh, slowly retreat. Keep the seal around his cock as you pull away, and as you get toward the tip use your tongue to scoop up the cum in your mouth so it doesn't dribble out your mouth. Although a single drop of cum can be damn hot, if you lick it up with the tip of your tongue and then give your final naughty and self-satisfied grin.

Ok Women, now go out and PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

And Men,,,maybe some of my girlfriends and I can Practice on a Few of you starting on the 6th...

Donna,