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The Greatest "Adult Sport" known
Hi! This is Diane. Here are a few views about the swinging lifestyle as my partner and I see it. My partner introduced me to partying over a year ago, telling me that it was the greatest "adult sport" he has ever found. For me, this definitely turned out to be true.
I guess others "meet" trying to make new friends or something. Some want to meet, and then meet again, and then maybe become friends and then see where it leads. What is this entire "meeting" about? We just luv to play! Yes, I am a female asking all this.
When I started swinging with my partner, Gary, we agreed to or arranged to meet couples, talked for a little while and if things went well, we partied with them. This was the fun part. And if things don't work out then you give a nice goodnight a hug and say hope that you find someone to play with. And every one goes on their way.
Why am I writing this to share with others?
An experience: We were invited to meet a couple at Caesar's Palace. As we sat there talking, I (Diane) knew that with the way the lady looked, there probably was not going to be anything happening between us this night. She wasn't pretty, look shy or disinterested and made little eye contact. Earlier this same afternoon, one of our favorite couples, that we have been with, called and asked what we were doing. We are ethical in that we always do what we commit to. I told them that we were meeting a couple at 7, but should things not work out, we would call them around 8pm. You should know in an hour -- really in 10 minute's after meeting a couple if you are going to play with them. Anyway, Gary asked the lady at 8, after sitting there for an hour, if they were interested in playing with us and she said no. He asked her why. She told him mostly because you are too forward and I don't like being pushed into something.
I sat there trying to understand. My questions would have been: If you did not intend to have sex with a couple then why did you invite us tonight? To me this is not a game of: oh, lets see who is perfect and absolutely right to have sex with. Most couples don't want their wives of husbands emotionally seduced or fallen in love with. We've found that most successful couples just luv great sex!
Everyone in the lifestyle it seems would like to have sex and great new experiences, but do you really think that you are going to experience the best every time you meet someone? If we play, we do have to compromise somewhat -- otherwise it wouldn't be variety. You never know who is going to be great in bed until you are in that mode. My partner, Gary, has often pointed out: If given the chance to choose to have sex with a 10 and a 7, experience proves you might have more great sex with the lesser number on a 10 scale. A perceived 5 or a 7 might be the best thing you have played with in a while.
We have found that "attitude" is the sexiest of all qualities. Gary would have played with the lady because she had his attention in a "let's all play" agenda, whereby, I know he wouldn't have even noticed her in a straight, social environment. We tend to have fun. We don't worry about who the person is. We are interested in how they play. We, within reason, aren't critical of appearances. We luv surprises. We find some are uncomfortable until they get into their passion mode. Then, they become memorable dynamite!
To get along with someone is fine, but to have to develop a friendship with a couple before you ever have sex with them... hummm. Are they looking for an extended marriage? We're not. Their marriage is their thing. Our relationship is ours. We are sensitive not to transgress outside the ethics of consensual swinging.
I think this lifestyle is to have a good time playing with a variety of others. To me, that comes at the first meeting. If we all want to meet again, that's fine. Why waste someone's time with a first meeting if we all are not going there to play. That's fair for both couples -- and to each other. Occasionally one partner will want to play when the other doesn't. If that happens an often, then one partner often prevents the other from playing. That's not what the basic lifestyle is about - is it?
If one partner doesn't like one part of the couple but the other one does then what do you do, tell your partner sorry I don't like him / her so we are not going to play. To me you can always find something in a person that you would like. We always have to ask and consider if this is fair to all involved. Tell me how you would handle not being able to play if your other didn't want to time and time again. What would be the use of being in the lifestyle if this happens? You would be better off just staying at home.
If you go out to meet others and already know that you don't intend to play, then you should tell the ones you are going to be meeting this up front and not waste there time, that they could use this time on meeting others that are welling to play.