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Solo or not?

Solo, or not?

The text message came on December 25th without warning, “Merry Christmas.”

“There was nothing unusual about the message or the timing, except that the message was from my former lover, Carter. Those two words were the first I'd heard from him in two years.

My husband, Bill, and I have engaged in a limited type of the lifestyle activities over the years with mixed reviews, mine much more negative than Bill's. I'm Kimberly, Kim for short. All our lifestyle experiences have been about sharing me, all were male male female threesomes. I'd pulled us out of the lifestyle two years ago when my long-term lover at the time said he needed to refocus on his life and get some personal issues worked out. He pulled the plug on our relationship. I understood his need, but at the same time it was a blow to my emotions. There was really nothing for me to do to keep things alive with my lover, so I closed the book on Carter. And, much to Bill's dissatisfaction, I called a halt to our threesome sexual adventures completely. I allowed myself only an occasional wishful thought regarding Carter. I'd rarely let my mind visit the good memories of some of my past experiences, but when I did, I'd revisit the really hot times with Carter. Bill pressed me to at least engage in fantasy threesome sex and to role play the submissive hotwife, which I did some. When Bill asked me which of my former lovers I would like to play with again, the answer was always Carter. However, I wouldn't even consider meeting anyone new for real.

A flood of thoughts and emotions began haunting me when I saw Carter's text. Two years and his text seemed like ones I might have received during the peak of our earlier experiences together. A battle of emotions took place inside me. I was angry. I was excited. The confusion inside me took several days to resolve, and to only partially resolved at that. I struggled with the pain from our breakup and worried that if I had anything to do with Carter again the same thing might happen on down that road. Of course, I had Bill to lean on for emotional support for the last two years. My disappointment would have been much worse if I'd not have had my husband. I was still mulling over how to deal with his Christmas greeting when a second text from Carter arrived.

“Happy New Year. I hope you and Bill have a prosperous and happy year,” came on January 1st.

Bill saw the messages from Carter and he noticed I hadn't answered. Bill asked if I was going to respond. I explained to my husband that I didn't know if I wanted to respond to Carter, and even if I chose to respond I didn't know what I might say.

Bill gets turned on while watching me having sex with a lover, so his motivation was obvious to me. My husband wanted me to reconnect with Carter and he asked me to please talk to him. Bill pointed out that Carter had been my favorite of my four long-term lovers over the years. He challenged me to set aside my hurt feelings and to at least talk to Carter to find out what might have been going on when he pulled out of our earlier relationship. Bill suggested that Carter must want to reconnect with me, asking why else would he get in touch again.

So, I was soon talking to Carter via text, catching up on his life over the two year gap and sharing news about my life. We even began talking about the possibility of getting together again.

January 7th came the text from Carter, “It may be awhile before we can get together. I tested positive for the COVID virus today.”

My mothering instincts took over and I offered to do anything I could to help, including taking care of my former lover. I realized after thinking things through a bit that was the worst thing I could have said. Carter has always liked strong, independent women who would give him the space he needed to be a bachelor. By not thinking things through completely, I crowded him. I realized my mistake and felt terrible. Carter didn't respond to my offers of help, and I was too prideful to chase after him to apologize and explain that I was just trying to help, but not to try to take over his life.

I sank back into my sadness that none of these threesome things ever seemed to last. They always end with someone getting hurt, especially me!

Valentines day, February 14th came the text, “Happy Valentines, sweetheart. I miss you so much and wish I could share one of you delicious kisses. How are you doing?”

I was so frustrated I tossed my phone aside and went to lie down in bed.

“What's wrong?” Bill asked.

“Go look at that message on my phone from Carter,” I told him.

“I understand how you feel...” Bill began before I cut him off.

“No you don't. This off and on business with him is killing me.”

“I'm so sorry, love. I'll talk to Carter and see what's going on,” Bill told me.

Bill talked with Carter and later explained, “Well, doll, Carter has been dealing with the COVID virus, trying to look after his elderly mother and he probably just needed some space to get over your attempts to mother him. He's never liked women who were clingy, you know that. Your timing was not great, but the good news is Carter is back. He wants you again. He knows that he screwed up by breaking up with you to go looking for your replacement. He now realizes there is no replacement for you. Nobody has ever made him feel as desired as you do, or as you did. He wants back in in a big way. I'd suggest you give him another chance.”

“No way. I'm not getting hurt again,” I protested.

“Pretty much everything worth having in the way of caring relationships comes with risks. There are equally bad risks from not giving Carter another chance. You know as well as I do that our sex life has gone to hell. I know my ED issues haven't helped, but I think it would be good for US... yes, US, for you to see him again some. I think we will be happier if you can find a way to allow Carter to give you some of that kind of loving attention that you enjoyed so much with him. Honestly, love, I could use some help making you feel special. Think it over, please,” Bill pleaded with me.

I reluctantly agreed to answer Carter and at least listen to what he had to say. I responded to his text by saying, “What a nice surprise to hear from you again on this special day.”

Carter sent a text that asked me if he could call me later in the evening. I agreed and he did call me. We talked for well over an hour I suppose. What he had to say made me want to become intimate with him again. He apologized for his sudden withdrawal. He explained that he had become so infatuated with me that he wanted what Bill had in a woman. He knew I loved Bill and he didn't want to do anything to damage our marriage, but he felt like he needed to go find a woman like me for himself. Now, he just wanted me back in his life, even if he could never have me completely. He talked about the depression he sank into with being separated from me and from the isolation brought on by the COVID pandemic. By the end of the conversation, I felt his genuine desire for me. That's my downfall... I love to be passionately desired. So, I agreed to see him again, on Saturday, in just two days. However, once our phone conversation ended, the fears of being disappointed again began to creep back into my consciousness. I wrote him a text and told him I just couldn't meet him after all.

I explained to Bill what I had done, that I was just too fearful of being disappointed again. I think Bill talked to Carter, because Carter called and reassured me he would never abruptly leave our relationship again. Even then I must have told Bill a dozen times I couldn't do this any more. I continued to vacillate between meeting or not, putting it off or not, or just giving in to what both the men in my life wanted me to do. Carter called one more time. He made me feel so desired and important to him his words simply melted the last of my resistance. I promised him I wouldn't back out on him or even try to do that again.

Bill finally got around to telling me about part of his earlier conversation with Carter. Carter had asked Bill to consent to letting me spend the night with him alone, without Bill being present.

My husband hit me with the request. “Carter has asked me to let you spend the night with him alone. How would you feel about going solo for the first time?”

“What?” I had to ask. Was I hearing what I thought I was hearing? That would be a whole new deal.

“He wants you alone for a night,” Bill said.

“And you are willing to let me do that with Carter?”

“I'm open to discuss the idea,” Bill told me without answering my question.

“I'm not ready to give you any kind of answer to that offer. Let me think about that to evaluate the good, bad and ugly aspects of breaking out of the threesome mode and going solo. I just don't know right now how I would feel about not having you with me when I'm seeing somebody else. We've never done that. Wouldn't you be out of your mind jealous knowing I was off somewhere making love to another man?”

“I'm not sure how I'd feel. I've read about husbands who get turned on by their wives going off with their lovers without hubby. It's actually some men's fetish to do that. I'm just curious about the range of emotions I'd experience,” Bill explained.

I really didn't need another issue to complicate my thinking, but my desire to enjoy Carter again was clearly present. With Bill expressing his consistent wishes for me to rekindle the passion I had found with Carter, I gave in. Saturday afternoon Bill drove me to reunite with my lover.

I waited in the car while Carter checked into a nice hotel. He returned and off to dinner we went. We talked and laughed and let the sexual tension build. Much to the consternation of some couples in the restaurant, Carter and I sat next to each other. It seemed like every time I turned to look at him, he kissed me. Whenever I'd glance at the other people in the restaurant, someone would be staring at our display of public affection with an expression of disapproval. There was nothing to say we were not a married couple. I had on my wedding rings. However, married couples don't normally kiss as much as we did.

On the other hand, our waiter was a very cool and friendly young man. He joked with us about how the other people watching us were simply jealous of how much we cared for each other.

More kissing back at the car before the ride to the hotel. In the room, we made out until my body began to respond to Carter's increasingly sexual touches. I felt the urge to get on with things to find the unabashed sexual passion we had enjoyed in the past. I wanted it again, now.

So, I undressed Carter and took his beautiful hard cock into my mouth. The taste of his pre-cum was intoxicating. I love this man's penis, it's large and gets stone hard very easily. I enjoyed giving his cock pleasure for as long as Carter would let me, but before long he undressed me and gave me oral in return.

All the anxiety I'd felt for days, weeks and even months disappeared, melted away so to speak as his lips and tongue sent me into a state of euphoria. He licked, kissed and teased me into orgasmic bliss in just a matter of minutes. That unmistakable feeling of intense pleasure took over my body. My legs began writhing and twisting from the overwhelming joy of coming so hard.

“Oh god, baby, I'm coming! I'm coming!... Oh yes!... Yes!... Yes!... that's it!” I cried out.

I felt the squirts of female cum leaving my body as the waves of orgasm peaked, subsided and returned again. I was on fire and I wanted Carter's big cock inside me.

“Fuck me now, love. Give it to me,” I begged.

He did. My lover took me in the missionary position until I came on his cock. He told me that I was incredibly beautiful to him. The feeling of his heated body, the thrusting of his cock inside me and the looks of his intense focus on me filled my body and mind with passion. His drive and sexual hunger for me made me want to give him whatever he wanted.

As my first vaginal orgasm began to wain, Carter flipped me over and fucked me doggie style. Almost in a state of continuous orgasm by then I exploded again with another squirting release and soaked the towel he'd thoughtfully placed under me. Carter's cock felt wonderful, amazing... just what I wanted and needed. Even more, his intense need for me and his desire to please me made me feel as if I were truly his woman as we made love.

I suppose it was around midnight that we fell asleep in each other's arms. I was in such a good place I just floated into a wonderful sleep. Sometime during the night I felt Carter enter me again. Still half asleep his cock felt amazing. He took me off into another world, one of guiltless sexual joy. His passion for me demanded my body respond with another flaming hot climax. As I was coming on his cock he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me. I couldn't help but tell him how much I'd missed him and how important he was to me. The feelings of being so close to Carter were overwhelmingly good. I lost myself in the loving emotions we shared.

Carter asked me to get on top and talk to him while we made love another time. His hands massaged my breasts as I rolled my hips and drank in the glorious feeling of having his manhood riding the walls of my pussy. My body took over and I became the sexual lioness. His cock felt so good I couldn't get enough.

“I love this... being here with you... being your lover... feeling all of you... having you inside me...” I told him.

Carter pulled me down and kissed me as I climaxed yet again and squirted my love juices on him. I lay on top and thrilled to my very core at being with my lover again until the need for rest pulled me under its spell.

Carter's phone rang just after 8 a.m. It was Bill wanting to meet us and reclaim his wife. He was still over an hour away, so Carter and I had time for another round of fun before having to part ways again. We showered together. I'd forgotten how sensuous that can be. It was a joy to wash his body and feel his hands all over me. Back in bed we made love. Doing so seemed such a natural thing to do with both of us needing one last high before the inevitable conclusion of our time together. We had barely dressed when Bill came to the room.

Bill greeted Carter with a handshake and me with a hug and kiss. The kiss was brief because it seemed strange to be kissing my husband in front of my lover. I know that's crazy because Carter and I have made love and kissed for hours in front of Bill in the past, and Carter has watched us having sex. But, there was something strange to me about switching affection between them at that moment. It seemed to be a little awkward, something that I wasn't completely comfortable doing yet.

As we talked and filled Bill in on how things went with my first solo date, it suddenly hit me that until he called this morning I hadn't even thought of Bill since Carter and I had talked some about him during dinner the night before. Bill reminded me that I'd left the sound on my cell phone turned off all night, which I didn't really mean to do. A wave of guilt tried to enter my emotions, but I didn't let it in. I chose to bask in the joyful aftermath of my amazing night with my lover.

We all had breakfast together before Bill gave us some privacy to say goodbye. Carter made it clear he wanted me more and wondered if Bill would allow me to go solo again. I had to admit that I had no clue as to what Bill might want or allow, nothing other than the fact that Bill would definitely want to make love to me as soon as we got home.

In spite of all the sexual pleasure we have shared doing this threesome business, it still feels uneasy, kind of anxious when I have to refocus my affection from my lover to my husband. Maybe the rush of increased tension I feel is a good thing. It certainly makes me feel alive!

I think things are on again now with our three way relationship. I hope so. There are still some boundary lines to be worked out and I'm guarding my feelings more than before. I'm guarding them at least until I'm drawn into the passion of my lover's touch. Then I'm free to soar off into a world of intense pleasure, sharing deeply felt affection and thriving on my lover's desire for me, even if it is all only temporary until the next time.

Thank you, Bill, for your love and understanding.

Thank you, Carter, for making me feel so desirable.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you. Kisses.