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A week before xmas my boyfriend send me a textmessage. To break up with me. I took a plane and wanted an explanation, but this guy really betrayed me, he wasnt even capable of acting like a man and face me. Well, then we´re really over and i know i have to deal with that. His punishment was going further.. and i didnt know that people can be so hard on another.. he silenced me.. and i hated it. But there´s not a single thing i could do. So to be really honest, I cried, I wanted to scream, and i was in the shower endlessly. Because the hot water comforts me. It feels good, warm and wet. But it also reminded me of him. This was exactly what he was always tallking about.. me and him in a shower.. hot and wet. But okay, ´Darling´, i said to myself, ´you have to get over him! And hurry, because he´s really not worth your tears.´
And I tried. Of course, I did. He was living on the other side of Europe, so there´s no chance that i have to face him in daily life. For him, at least that is what he said, or typed actually, that was the most important reason to break up with me. The distance.
So i went to the sauna with a friend and we talked endlessly about why he´s telling me such strange stories. I watched movies, which was a bad choice because obviously the week before xmas there are only romantic movies on the television. I didn´t eat, I felt too sad. I had friends who came to visit me, we talked, they tried to comfort me. And all this time I was so upset.. I did miss him already so much..
My boyfriend was acting like a child, so in stead of him punishing me, I should be punishing him. In another stage of our relation i really wanted him to punish me.. and at that time he didn´t do that. He promised me I would beg him to stop when we were having sex. But it never happened. He promised he would kiss me allover. And it never happened. What was i thinking? Why did it excite me when we were having virtual sex?
Was it again stupid to think that he liked that too? That it excited him? That it would make him want me?
We did meet only a few times and it was always overwhelming for me. Just to look at him made me want to do anything he wanted me to do. I will never forget the first time we saw each other. It was in a hotel in Germany. He had sex with me, he wanted me badly. I begged him to fuck me, to make me come. I was wet the moment I saw the look in his eyes. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.
But things changed. And it was only virtual in the end. No more real life sex, no more real life meetings.. so i have only my imagination left...and for a few days that was not good enough. Dreaming about him next to me for the last year made me too preoccupied with him to enjoy myself. I cried, was he able to take that away from me as well?
I have always been good at comforting myself. Enjoying my body, and getting myself all horny and wet. He knows that. And he played with it. One of those last nights I was all alone in my bed and touching myself. And what never happened before, i failed myself. It was not a good feeling to imagine him next me, his strong arms, his eyes staring at me, his cock hard. No, this was crazy. He doesnt want me anymore. He doesnt want to feel my body, my breasts, my little soft belly, and all that´s coming from me.
And I couldnt play with myself when he was still there. His name on my lips, his body behind me, his hands holding me in the right position. I had to find a solution. This was not the way i imagined him punishing me. I couldnt allow him to do this to me. He reduced me to a toy. But in stead of playing with it, he ignored the toy, threw it away and i was laying in a corner. Exchanged for another newer toy.
My system has to be restarted. Maybe i can find an update somewhere on the internet. I dont want to loose this because of a crazy guy from the other part of Europe. He had a good catch with me. But maybe he wasnt smart enough to realise that. Sorry for him, like one of my friends said, ´his loss´.
Now the only thing i have to do is get him out of my sexual system..
I can do it myself. For sure I can. What was he thinking punishing me like this! I will punish him, he will never forget about me. I promise him that...
and with one hand on my breast i know something has changed this morning. It feels good to touch the softness of it, the nipple responding to my fingers. Just a little harder and then I squeeze a little more..i´m just awake, naked in my bed.. and is he really not there? No, he can never be in my bed again..there´s no place for him anymore..
he has had his chance to seduce me, to have sex with me. I did have sex with him, but not anymore.
´So, darling, sweetheart, off you go now..´
But of course, he also doesnt want to forget about my body.. he knows that I will be wet. He knows that he is responsable for that. My nipples hard, my pussy wet. That´s what he needs too.
´You cannot have it!´ I know its only mine, to feel, to touch, to enjoy.
´You need me...let me help you, babe.´ His hands replacing mine, taking over.
´No, darling, you cant, you left me, it´s over.´
´Baby, you cant say that, you know it´s not true.´
Before i know what´s happening, he turns me over, looks at me with his blue eyes and stares in my eyes. I´m on my back now. I push his hands away from me, dont do this, you cannot touch me. You have no right. I´m getting angry for this rough take over.
His hands, my hands, no, not any more. My body has its own ways.. i squeeze my breasts, play with them, soft, gentle and then harder.. i try to hold both of them but they´re too big.. i need both hands, his hand was big enough for them. My nipples are hard, i want to feel them wet, need his lips, his mouth..his tongue around them. He promised to bite them a little. I want that, my fingers try to.. but, no, no lips, darling, you will not taste my hard nipples. I will not let you. Oh, and i need them wet and hard!
He wants to kiss me, i know, i can feel it although he´s thousands of miles away. He´s cold, he cant deal with this, no more as i can.
But he wanted this, and i will punish him.
´I want to feel if you´re wet already.´
´What are you thinking?! You will never get me wet again, you will never feel that again!´
´Oh, baby, I will, i will lick you, i will kiss you allover, for sure i will.´
´Dont talk to me like that, you had your chance to play.. to lick me, to kiss me, to fuck me.´
My hands are carressing my body, softly, slowly moving towards my belly, my pussy..his fingers are taking over. Before i know it he changes my position again. He´s behind me..he loves to stare at my butt.. he has his arms around me, his fingers in my mouth, i bite him, suck his fingers..
His other hand between my legs. My fingers pushing him away. No. Not anymore. There´s no place for you there. I bite him a little harder.
´Darling, you live too far away, you cannot be in my bed, you cannot feel my naked body anymore..´
´Baby, i will always be here with you, dont forget. You know you get wet the moment you see me.´
´I will tell you what you can do and what not. Just listen to me.
´Oh, babe, i knew you would let me in.´
´Well. Let´s see. Do you feel my pussy? My lips growing, getting bigger..?´
`Yeah, blondie, i do.. you want me..i told you, i know you..´
´Put your fingers finally inside me!´
My fingers are touching my pussy, playing with my lips, pushing my clit, around and around. Gently, and then harder..my belly responds to my pressure. One finger wants to go further, he wants to know if i´m wet.
In a second things change, his fingers inside me. I´m so wet, my pussy is wetter than ever, his fingers in and out, harder, and then they´re gone. My hand is protecting my pussy, i put my hand over my most precious part, i can feel that i´m still wet..my body moves and i cannot do anything about it..i need him..his arms, his fingers..
He´s still behind me, his fingers softly in me..in and out..i know he wants more.. i know he´s hard.
´Baby, can i be with you..? Please?´
`No, you make me come, and then you´re gone, that´s the idea.´
´My body has needs too, babe, don´t you feel? Put your lips on my cock, one last time, darling...´
I feel his hard dick, he was never this big and this hard. But he has to be punished. there´s no other way. It turns me on..he´s hard, so hard..i can do nothing.
His fingers again in me, so wet, so horny, my body is moving all over the bed..there´s no way i can stop moving..he knows what he is supposed to do.
In and out, deeper, harder and then i feel his fingers touching my clit..slowly, softly and he knows i need him to touch me.
Then i take my vibrator out..no, he cannot be in me..
I push him away, i need the whole bed for myself.. i want to scream, his name..my body wants to come.. my orgasm is close..i put the vibrator into my pussy.. it fits perfectly..
move it up and down, in and out, my fingers touching my clit, putting more pressure, releasing the pressure, and over and over..until i actually scream his name `Oh! Yeah, Mike, i want you....´
I come, his name on my lips, my juices all over.. and then he´s gone...the muscles in my body contract..it hurts..in a strange way it´s also heavenly...
In the shower i let go of all the juices from my pussy..and for the first time in a week i don´t cry..