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Finding My Submissive Way (Part Two)

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Part Two (have you read Part One??)

Big John was a big jump for me. I found myself giving into things I would usually buck my husband on. For instance, my husband would tell me to suck his cock, and well that request/demand often went over very well. . .NOT! However, Big John would say he wanted his cock (I say "COCK," because I hate the word DICK, I can't explain it, just do) in my mouth and me on my knees in front of him. And what the hell happened!?!? I found myself kneeling before him, with his cock in my mouth as he grasped both sides of my head and face and fucked my mouth until he craved to own another of my holes.

Okay, people now focus!! Yes, this was totally hot, but the quandary is why? Not why is/was this hot, but why do I cave in? At what point did my typical MO (Hey. . .did you know? MO is Modus Operandi or method of operation. I so love Google!) go and hide somewhere and allow me just to give in? What part of me (Lilith. . .I should have known) took over and said, "Sure that sounds great, need anything else while I am down here? Fries? Milkshake? Ball-scratch". . .WTF? Even more curious, why do I bend to Big John's will, but I don't, can't, or won't to my husband's. . .the man I love with every fiber of my being? The only thing I can figure is that because my husband have a different dynamic than D/s (Dom/submissive) relationship, part of me won't allow it. On a side note, my husband is not a Dom (See Part 1, catch up people).

Now as hot as Big John was he and I parted ways. The reality is, life happens and unless you are married or have an LTR (Long Term Relationship) with this person eventually you WILL part ways. In any case, you take the memories, experiences, and the friendship, if there is one, and keep it moving. Since Big John, I have experienced a few vanilla (Vanilla equals not kinky) friends with benefits.

The first, a tall, slender man, whom I was oddly attracted to, we'll call him Techi (he was a computer guy) requested I place my hands around his neck and squeeze or apply pressure while I roding him. I wasn't sure about this, I had seen some of this in movies, but never actually entertained the idea, nor has anyone ever asked me to. Anyways. . .as requested (it's what I do, have you gotten that yet?!?) I placed my hands on both sides of his neck and applied pressure, I could tell immediately the effect it had on him. He grabbed my hips grinding himself into me as I continue to ride his long hard cock. When I asked if he wanted me to squeeze harder, he looked me in the eye with sheer lust and nodded, and I squeeeeezed. Not only did Techi get lost in the moment, but he also lost his entire load deep inside me.

My encounters with Techi were never very erotic, but as I continued my first experiences with "Breath Play" (Sooo dangerous!! PLEASE PLEASE do your research. . ..Google!!) both on him and on me, I learned another piece to Lilith (Me/alter ego, in case you missed Part 1) and took another step on a darker path. When Techi's hands were placed gently around my neck and pressure was applied, I felt the subtle slide into submission. Without restraints, the pressure around my throat was enough to bring me to a different level. By restricting my breathing just a fraction whether it was smooth hands placed around my throat or the crease of their forearm, I enjoyed every second of it. The choking seemed so much more intimate than the hard, rough riding I had received from Big John. I have never tried breath play with my husband and until recently I did not know the choking was considered breath play.

To be honest, I do not think I ever described the effect choking had on me to my husband. Looking back, I do not believe I understood it either. As I have grown and embraced Lilith (and all of her horny glory), I have been able to go back, pick apart, and evaluate what situations and actions excited and enthralled me. For every step I took, I craved and wanted more

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