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The Lake A woman trapped in endless temptation and no satisfaction By-Guinivere
Middle of night and I can?t sleep. My thoughts are of you. If you were here would your arms be around me? Would we be up late playing some silly computer game? Would you laugh and look at me when I did not notice? Would you catch me holding my breath when you touch my hand?
I wonder do you think of me? Do you become jealous at the thought of another man with me? Does it bother you that it only leads me to tears? If I lay there long enough sometimes I can feel you with me. My wish full thinking only brings me much hurt because, you are not here and I can only dream of you.
So you say that you care about me a lot and to me that is an open ended statement. I know that I would lay down my life for yours.
I hear the soft footsteps crunching the leaves that lead to our tent. Wrapped in a flannel blanket, my skin gives way to goose bumps as you unzip the flap. I can?t look you in the eye. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul and I?m afraid of how much more of mine you will take.
You are on your knees in front of me and lean down to kiss my neck, removing the blanket slowly down my necked body. My skin feels alive to your touch. Your hands are warm and gentle. You tower over me bringing my head to your chest cradling me like child. There are no words between us nothing to be said, my tears flow with ease down my checks, completely tortured by my desire to have you in me and not willing because, you do not love me.
My body cries out to you, wanting your touch, and you are here and real in front of me and, we cannot. The sheen in your eyes I wonder if they are amusement at my love or the torture that I hope you feel. A fantasy that you to love me but, know you cannot be with me. So short is life ?I scream in my head?.
You put your hand under my chin and lift my face to yours and kiss me softly on my lips. I want to tell you know but I never could. My heart beats faster as your kisses become more passionate. I?m heady with with desire and my defenses are down.
I awake to hands roaming over my body. Touching me, questioning me. I want you he whispers but not if you?re asleep he says. Are you awake? I? am and cannot pretend otherwise. So I will try because, that?s what I do. I feel violated and cannot stand the weight of his body over me, I feel like I can?t breath and, unable to bare it any longer I push away and slide out form beneath him and run for the shower. I close the door to the shower and hope he does not follow me. I want to be alone and I don?t want to be looked at.
Inside the water is scorching hot as it runs down my back and I slide to the floor of the shower stall and lean my head against the wall. Nearby is a washcloth and I bring it to my mouth and cover it so as no-one will here me scream. I cry out of frustration, and the human desire to be touched by some one I want to touch me. I try not to think of you.