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I Can't Get Nosatisfaction

Long ago and far away. Or was it not so long ago and nearby. Or was it long ago and not so far away. Oh, what the hell!

Sometime, someplace there was a kingdom. It was not a magical kingdom. It was typical of the type found at that time in that place. When it rained the streets and roads were solid mud and carts laden with grain or carcasses were abandoned where they got stuck until the quagmire returned to dust. Raw sewage and excrement of all manner of animal and human sluiced in open ditches throughout the kingdom. Plagues came and went. Wars were won and lost. Heads rolled occasionally. One might call it the “quintessential” kingdom. And being quintessential, it was ruled by a King and Queen.

Though the kingdom may have been typical, its rulers were not. The King and his lovely Queen were good and fair people. They maintained themselves in the royal splendor called for by their position; make no mistake about that. But they tried very hard to improve the lives of the serfs and villagers of their realm and for the most part, they succeeded. The kingdom’s taxes were not onerous and those who could not pay anything were permitted to perform services for the Court commensurate with their homage due and their particular abilities. A brewer who could not pay the 100 gold pieces he owed in taxes could supply the court with hogsheads of ale valued the same. It must be said, however, that the King’s court included very diligent and able tax accountants who maintained detailed and precise tax records. So it was very difficult, if not impossible, for anyone to cheat the King and realm out of its due. If you could not pay the 100 gold pieces this year, you were expected to pay it the next. Everyone thought that was fair and it did provide motivation to increase production and consequently the realm was prosperous and the peasants reasonably well off by the standards in that time and place.

The King and Queen were different in another way as well. It was well known throughout that land that the Queen had not borne the King an heir, especially a male heir, and as he was getting on in age, the likelihood of that happening grew less with each passing year. And though that was understood to be the result of a medical (as medical as it could be then) problem afflicting the Queen, it was also widely known that the King could not satisfy his royal mate in the bed chamber.

In that way the King was as unique among all men as he was among fellow rulers in that he did not deny his failure and did not attempt to conceal it. Further still, he allowed his bride to entertain the fancies of suitors in an attempt to make her happy. The Queen, quite content in all other things, was made daily unhappy by her inability to be sexually sated. Above all else he wanted the Queen to be happy in all things and if satisfying her womanly lust would do that, he would stand aside and allow others to attempt to provide the satisfaction he could not.

You can imagine how such an offer was received!!!!

Noblemen, squires, even peasant men from every corner of the realm trekked to the palace. A constant stream of suitors, each convinced he was the most virile, the most fully endowed, the most imaginative of all who pursued the young Queen, passed through the huge castle gates.

Some had codpieces filled to near overflowing. Others brought crude penis-shaped objects and devices with them, which they believed would arouse the Queen’s clit or tickle her large breasts into carnal ecstasy. Exotic oils, perfumes, silks and all manner of flowers and sweets were also made available to her in hopes of bringing forth the delight she so desperately desired.

Noblewomen also made attempts, believing that their educated, experienced tongues and sensitive touches and deep, rapturous kisses would leave the Queen breathless and full of her own cum.

Men and women from beyond the kingdom’s border also tried.

But, alas, all of the hard cocks and slippery tongues and penetrations of pussy, ass and mouth, and all of the caressing of one pussy by another, and all of the toys and scents and elixirs failed. The Queen grew increasingly despondent with each unsuccessful encounter and could be heard in her chamber tearfully sighing, “I can’t get no…satisfaction and I try and I try, but I can’t get no…satisfaction.”


As I said, this was not a magical kingdom, but like other royal entourages of the day, there was a Court magician. There was also another magician plying his magic at the time that you may have heard of...Merlin. He was recognized in all corners of the known world as the supreme wizard; surpassed by none. It must be said in truth, that the magician in this Court was no Merlin! But he was adequate and he was all that the King had.

As fate would have it, the magician was the only person in the entire realm who had neither considered nor attempted to please the Queen. Upon hearing this, the King summoned him to his throne room. The King explained to the magician that the pool of potential pleasure-givers and satisfiers had been depleted save for him. The King pleaded with him to try to make the Queen happy by quenching her insatiable sexual thirst. The magician agreed, out of loyalty to his majesty, to try.

The King, a bright and learned man, held little hope in his heart that his beloved partner would ever have a satisfied snatch and thereby be made completely happy, particularly by the ragtag magician he saw before him. Nevertheless, he arranged for the Queen and the magician to meet.

________________________________________________________________________

The Queen’s bedchamber was dimly lit. (How could it be otherwise? They didn’t have electricity yet.) She stood before the large, ornate floor mirror examining herself and applying the final preening touches before her suitor’s arrival.

Her golden hair fell to her shoulders in waves glistening in the glow of the few candles placed around the room. The flicking light cast by the candles passed through the exquisite diaphanous gown; revealing the large round breasts which surrounded her rose-colored areolas and nipples. She passed her porcelain hands over both tits and gently tweaked her nipples, bringing them to taut attention. The Queen smoothed the transparent gown snugly against her breasts then stomach and, finally, her pubic delta. The thatch of golden hair as well as the slit between her beautiful thighs were easily visible in the candles’ back light. She could not resist fingering the elongated mounds of flesh protecting her unquenched love canal. Though it produced a tingle of excitement inside it, it was neither prolonged nor fulfilling.

She turned around and, looking back over her shoulder, examined her beautiful ass. She again smoothed the white lingerie tightly against her to take full measure of rounded, fleshy buttocks and her well-formed calves.

The Queen was by all accounts fair of face and form and unhappy.


The knock on the heavy door was barely audible, but it was loud enough to alert her majesty to the magician’s arrival. She surveyed her image one last time then crossed the room and opened the door.

The magician stood in the open doorway then stepped inside at the Queen’s behest. He was not a tall man. The Queen was perhaps two inches above him. But his magician’s hat gave him the appearance of being at least as tall as she even though the point of his hat was badly bent. Although he could not be called handsome, his face was not disagreeable. His black robe was tattered. The points of his shoes, the only part visible beneath the slightly too long robe, were scuffed. Despite the disrepair of his clothing and the need for a bit of trim of his beard, his appearance was more that of a distracted professor than slob. Her majesty had, of course, seen him many times in the court and was, therefore, very familiar with his appearance which she found to be amusing in its way and she had always been comfortable in his presence.

He could not help but be struck by the sight of her nude body dr*ped by the invisible gown.

She turned away from him and walked slowly to the huge canopied bed. The mounds of her ass quivered seductively and the crack between them was as enticing to him as it had been to the countless others preceding him in this chamber.

The Queen stood at the bedside and let the negligee slide from her body onto the Persian rug covering that portion of the stone floor. Her bare skin shimmered in the candlelight. The shadows it cast highlighted her firm calves, full thighs, and the crevice of the moons of her ass.

The magician felt a stirring within.

She turned to face him. Her pendulous breasts shook like Jello on a dish. Her porcelain skin accented the nipples pointing directly at the magician. The full expanse of the curve of the underside of her tits was breathtaking. Her stomach rounded out then descended to become the Delta of Venus that could not be tamed. Her golden pubic hair was combed into tiny ringlets that begged to be felt. Her pussy lips begged to be kissed. Her thighs cried out to be caressed. Her ass screamed for attention and its fissure to be probed. There was no part of her body that did not want to pleasured in some way; in any way that would bring her to an explosive climax at long last.

She told the magician to disrobe.

He removed his battered hat and set it on a nearby table. Realizing the point was tilting to one side, he cupped his hand around it and stroked upward to straighten it. As soon as he took away his hand, the point immediately sagged.

A sign.

The Queen sighed.

The magician unbuttoned his robe and laid it over the back of the chair next to the table. He simply stepped out of his shoes.

He stood naked before his Queen.

She watched intently as he revealed himself to her; short, slight, generally unremarkable. Her eyes scanned his body. She stopped abruptly at the sight of his cock.

She had seen many dicks but never one like his. She had had many in her mouth but never sucked on one like his. She had been fucked front and back but not by one like his. She could not believe what she thought she saw. She motioned for him to come closer into the light. Her vision had not failed her. Her amazement was spread across her face. She stifled a gasp. Amid the tangle of coarse pubes was a member whose size was far disproportionate to him. The enormity of what he was about to do overwhelmed her. It was…


…tiny!


She could not help but stare at the insignificant cock. This was to be her final chance. Her last attempt to reach happiness in all things. The Queen who had been penetrated and ravaged and titillated by dicks and dildos of enormous proportions – 10 inches, a foot and more – was to be satisfied by this freakish man and this freakish excuse for a penis? The Queen who had longed for so much did not know whether to laugh or cry.

Her soft sobs turned to hysterical laughter.

The magician stood silently still. He knew what she was thinking and feeling. He had experienced it before. There had been a reason why he had not come forward to pursue his Queen. He knew how this rendezvous would turn out.


The magician walked to the side of his queen’s bed. The Queen had exhausted herself and her had fallen back onto the huge feather pillow. Her arms were stretched above her head clutching the rails of the gold headboard. Her momentous breasts rose and fell rhythmically. Her legs were splayed. Her eyes closed, feigning sleep.

He bent close to her face and lightly pressed his lips to her eyelids. He sensed movement behind them but went on. He kissed her forehead then eyelids again then the tip of her pert nose. He tenderly pressed his mouth to hers and with his tongue parted her lips. The tongue slipped inside her willing mouth and searched for its mate. Her tongue met his and they joined, one trying frantically to overtake the other. They slithered and wrapped around each other like snakes in a basket. Her mouth was filling with saliva and he lapped it onto his tongue then took it into his mouth. He forced his mouth into hers and sucked hard on her tongue. The Queen’s viper pulled back, now poised to strike, but the magician withdrew his from her pit and gently kissed her chin as he moved lower.

The tip of his tongue skimmed along the side of her neck as his fingers stroked the side of her face and circled her petite ear.

The magician extended his tongue and dragged it the length of the Queen’s neck and downward until it reached her mountainous tits. He wet-kissed the mound of succulent flesh, slathering so much saliva over it that some trickled down to the aroused nipple, bathing it with warm spittle. He followed the trail of spit, sucking it back into his mouth as he went until he reached her stiff bud then sucked it hard and deep into his widespread orifice while flicking it with his electrified tongue. He nibbled the nipple as he continued to suck ever harder on it and its areola. He glanced up. The Queen’s eyes were still closed and he knew she was beginning to slip into true sleep.

He sucked and ate her tasty nipple before cupping his hand under the pillowy breast and kissed its delectable underside. The snake extended itself from his mouth and licked the bulbous bottom of her tit and the bare skin of her that the breast rested against. He heard a small sigh seep from the Queen’s throat.

His head rose from her breast and his fingers began to knead the hard bud. Taking it between his fingers he teased it into an even more rigid state and pulling gently upward, extended it even further. Her nipples were behaving as never before. His deft fingers sensed the excitement traveling from her nipple through her breast into her heart.

The fair young Queen’s head rolled softly from side to side.

The magician left the bud in its heightened state and floated his hand, as if it were on a thin cushion of air, over the length of her curvaceous stomach and downward until he was in the Queen’s private, golden patch.

His sensitive digits searched her manicured pubis; occasionally scratching the skin hidden under it with his fingernails. The hair was soft and obviously carefully tended. He twisted the curls around his finger. He spread his fingers to allow the hair to slide between them. He played in her garden, all the while inching closer to her essence.

With the tip of his little finger he felt the top of the opening of her cave. He slid it down until it was just under the hood of her hole. There he felt heat radiating from deep inside her. He also felt the warmth of her enlarging clitoris. His palm was now on both lips of her labia and was covering her pussy’s entrance. The heat on his palm was intensifying.

Suddenly, his hand was gone. Her cunt was wide open. He moved his body slightly higher up on the sumptuous bed then lowered himself onto the Queen.


The Queen stirred, but quickly lapsed back into her near sleep condition. As she did, she felt something entering her. Slowly, deliberately it slid into her vagina. The pleasure it was generating as it filled her caused her to stir again. Relentlessly it continued and it seemed to take up her entire cavern. The blunt head drilled deeper and the shaft glided along her pussy’s walls. She also felt wetness building inside her. The pole moved easily within her. It seemed to be hardening, thickening. Dazed, she envisioned some beast-like creature ravaging her, but she could not stop it. Moreover, she did not want to stop it! She willed it to continue.

. The rock hard spear scr*ped her clit as it went on. It pushed harder and deeper until it could.penetrate no further. The head stopped at the back of her hole and the thick, stiff shaft plugged her canal completely while being washed by waves of lubricating wetness the Queen had been secreting

Her clit had filled with passion so intense it was painful. But rather than shrink from it, she welcomed it and allowed it enfold her and mingle with the heat burning deep inside her to produce a sensual intensity she had never experienced or had even imagined.

She began to writhe. The Queen tried to coax it deeper. It could not drive any more deeply inside her yet she persisted. She moved her hips back and forth, then arched her back. The force within her would not be moved.

As she squirmed and rocked her hips, she sensed something stirring within the pole. It felt as if something were welling up inside it and moving upward through the member. It was becoming more intense. She could feel the force building inside it.

Suddenly an explosion of hot cum splashed against the walls of her pussy. She winced. The initial blast was followed almost immediately by another shot of molten semen. She flinched. A third volley of cum cascaded down the walls of her cunt and onto her clit. She moaned. The Queen partially opened her eyes and saw the magician’s face looking into hers. Reflexively she closed them and her mind raced to a place it had never been.

The magician had saved the strongest, hottest, largest wad for his last.

The intensity of his final ejaculation numbed the Queen with ecstasy. The thrill she now felt burned white hot and had gone beyond pure pain to undreamed of pleasure.

And satisfaction.

She pried her eyelids apart for the last time that night so she could she see the being that had at last made her wholly happy. Through a haze of unbridled, primeval, carnal excitement, the Queen smiled at the freakish man with the freakish tool lying spent beside her.


When the Queen awoke the following morning, she reached over to embrace the magician. But she was alone. Where the magician had lain, she found a note instead. She picked it up and read:

Your Highness,

It isn’t the size of the wand that’s important…
It is the magic that’s in it and
The magician who uses it.

End of Story